Dear Jodilettante:

I'm a vegetarian, but when I'm nervous, like before a big math test, I tend to chew the skin around my fingers, often to the point of near-amputation. Sometimes I spit out the little bits of skin onto the floor, but other times, like when I'm at my grandparents' house or in church, I just swallow them. Does this mean I can't call myself a vegetarian anymore? And also, my grandmother told me that if I keep doing this, a small, deformed boy is going to grow inside my stomach and then I'll really have something to worry about. Is that bad?

Signed,
Finger Food

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Dear FF:

If you enjoy eating your own skin, then by all means, I heartily encourage you to continue doing so, even if that means you won't technically be a vegetarian. But that's OK. I mean, what's more important: being a poseur who announces to the world that you don't eat meat, or making sure that that little boy gets his protein?

xoxo,
Jodilettante