I have a variation of that chicken butt line....
Guess what?
What?
Gizzakizz *kiss kiss noises*
Oh shaddap..... everyone else always laughs, cos it's unexpected. Hmmmm..... oh gawd.....I am an idiot, ain't I!

Hmmm.

Lesbians have all the fun (or at least they do in the dreams I keep having)!

I cannot imagine suffering through a "facial" a "pedicure" OR a "manicure". Gay women just don't know how to have fun, do they? I'd rather be outside playing frisbee...

Oh! But wait... I WILL be outside playing frisbee in the park on Sunday with a bunch of macho, muscular Sheriff's deputies (a lot of good that does a lesbian). We're throwing a picnic for the guys that work for Brenda. Frisbee, eating, lounging, drinking beer, etc. Perhaps I'll have some streaming video of the event...

Oh, you dirty girls. Sweet dick, salty dick, sour dick. What's next?

You're going to get some GREAT searches from this post, Jodi.

Congratulations, Kim. You just managed to make me cackle!

But the BBQ dick is wonderful!

Kim, believe it or not, I was going to say "sour" but then switched my mind at the last second. Not a big fan of the "Cool Ranch" dick either, come (haha) to think about it.

It's not the salty ones that get to me, it's the sour ones.

I will be spending the weekend listening to my dearest love whine about how he has to wait for the new video card to arrive before he can play his new game. While listening to the whining I will be wondering why he's still my dearest love. Other than that, I'll be puttering about in the garden.

Skip: I, like George Washington, cannot tell a lie. I did not laugh. I did, however, smile, which, given my present state of nausea (boy? girl? we'll just have to wait and see!), is pretty damned remarkable. You are to be commended. Thanks!

Lyle Lovett live. No lie. Did I make you laugh? Did I?

Nothin' wrong with a l'il good old-fashioned "sweet dick", Kelly. It beats the salty variety any day. Enjoy!

Mad Hatter:

I don't think it's possible to withdraw a F--t, is it? I mean, once it's there, it's there. Oh you can try to look innocent ... or cagily look around acting as if you're wondering which one of the others was responsible. But withdraw it? I don't think so.

I have made a list of the addresses of every T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, and Ross (Dress for Less) store in the Phoenix metro area. There are more than 25 of them! I'm going to take my list, my Phoenix street map, and a marker and sit in my local Einstein Bros. bagel shop Saturday morning about 9 am, and map out the most efficient route for hitting all stores in the 12 hours they are open. That's just under 30 minutes per store, minus driving time. Hmmmm... Maybe I need to expand this adventure to include Sunday, also. Maybe I should plan to stay in a hotel overnight, too, so I'm closer to the trail when I wake up. Maybe I should rent a U-Haul instead of taking my small SUV? I hope my Visa card numbers don't get worn off in the process.

On the fashion front, I'll be wearing combat clothes... hiking boots so I can walk over the munchkins that are in running-loose-so-mommy-can-shop mode. I'll have on my elbow guards so I can push everyone away when I spot something I should grab. And I'll take my huge, oversized IKEA shopping bag so I can maneuver without needing a shopping cart (much more efficient that way). Underneath all of this, I'll have on my denim jumper with the pockets, one for keys, one for Power Bars so I don't have to stop for lunch.

If only I could cut down on the walking time from the parking lot... but I hate it when able bodied people park in handicapped spots, so I guess I'll just have to take whatever spaces I can find.

Beg my mom to drive me to Lane Bryant to get some more underwear, get my hair cut, take more pics with my new digital camera, straighten up my room, put up 70's style wildlife mural wallpaper...dread school Monday b/c old bitty teacher is coming back.....

I'm having a whole spa day tomorrow -- facial, manicure, pedicure, etc. Just kidding. That's what I WISH I was doing. Actually, I'm doing sweet dick all. hehehe

Scott:
I'd be very careful about that. I tried it once and the man got extremely upset.

Aaron:

If that originated with the generation of elementary school students in the 80's, I hope that it died out with them, too.

I don't know about you but that PJ's and Partige Family things sounds pretty appealing. Now I just have to run out and get ice-cream. Thanks for the inspiration. ;-)

Okay, here's how it works:

You say "Guess what?" to somebody.

They are curious, and reply "What?"

Then you say "Chicken Butt!"

And I'm pretty sure it's been well-circulated, though I think it finds its origins in the early 80's amongst elementary school students. (I tried to find any info on this, but was unable to.)

A fun variation is to follow that witty exchange with "Guess why?" the answer to which should be either "Chicken Thigh" or "Cow Pie" depending on how traditional you want to play it.

Try a google search for "guess what chicken butt" (but without the quotes) and you'll be surprised at the number of references you'll find.

Don, you'd look smashing as her, too.

I was contemplating playing tiddlywinks with manhole covers.

Aaron, I must confess that I don't know what the CHICKEN BUTT thing is. Is it a local craze in your town that hasn't caught on in the bigger cities yet? I'd like to know what it is, so I can be the trendsetter here!

I'll be the Queen of the May!!

I have one goal, and one goal ONLY for this weekend. I am going to get somebody with the ol' ...

"Guess What?"
"What?"
"CHICKEN BUTT!"

....routine.

Jenn! You just made me laugh (and snicker/snort, which is always very sexy), my sweet. Congratulations. And here I thought I'd have to go all day without doing so. :-*

Plans: Mostly winging it, but at one point---I will be ripping through my home office (trying to make it look like one)in denim shorts and a sleeveless top, (new, fabulous) eyeglasses perched low on my nose, one eyebrow cocked, as I toss books into one pile, file folders into another, find things, and curse, with Nikka Costa, Aretha Franklin, Freda Payne and yes,
maybe even Laura Nyro (make fun if you must)taking turns on the stereo to inspire me. I'll pull my shiny new office items out of their Staples bags and plunk them in different temporary places. (Here I should stop and tell you that I thought of you yesterday after the trip to office supply and a stop at a clothing store. My clothing purchase included two pocket-tee shirts. One in the prettiest soft pink, like rose petals, the other in a not-too-olive shade of green. I peeked into the bag three times on the way home to bask in the cottony perfection;I snickered at myself as I recalled you once giggling at my peeking in the TUCC library.) Then I'll eat ice cream and look for the Partridge Family on the set.

maybe, I admit it,

OK, I withdraw the f--t. You obviously don't know me if you think for one second I could actually hit anything I shot a rubber band at.

Get off my site. NOW! Anyone who abuses animals is not welcome!!!

(P.S. "F--t" is the one F-word I fucking hate. So you are violating another of my cardinal rules! You can't win, damn it.)

I am going to sit on the back porch, drink beer, and shoot at squirrels with rubber bands. Every so often I will belch loudly and fart.