Our little boy passed away, at five weeks old, 8 weeks ago. Dealing with society and the outside world has been one of the most challenging things for me. It is a disappointing reality that humanity is not commonsense.

Those bagels look delicious. :-)

Hey, I like the look of a lady in a turtleneck :)

plzzzzz can any one find her

i want to find my friend angela.i was in bluemont elementary schoolwith herin year 1988-89.she lived in bluehills.

if anybody know of any small pugs i can buy that are not exspensive in philadelphia let me know thanx bye

The things I look most in a woman are hair, eyes, smile, sometimes the body (honestly, sometimes), and most of all playfullness.

Scooters arent illegal.
Dope riders just need education and to be taught how to respect the rules of the road.

If you will...post comments within oh...say, three months of the initial post.

haha! Just kidding.

"If you will" is a commonly used colloquialism, often used at the end of an idea or thought that requires some sort of stretch on he part of the reader or listener, in order to take a word or phrase that wouldn't commonly be used in that context (or wouldn't be commonly used at all) and make it fit.

For example: Jodi's website is my absolute favorite destination on the web, thanks in large part to the personality of the hostess herself - her tendency to be Jocose, if you will.

I would say "if you will" there, because it would generally require some vocabulary-stretching to remember (or learn, as the case may be) what "Jocose" means.

My use of the term "base" to describe the lower levels of humanity's evolution did require some stretching of the term, and therefore I said "if you will" to imply that you had to think of the word "base" in a slightly different manner than you normally would.

So I suppose the gramatical answer to your question would be as follows:

"If you will...alter the traditional meaning and/or functionality of the word I just said, so that it fits within the context of my sentence, and my overall statement."

Sorry for the confusion.

'Propagation of the species is a very animalistic notion. Very "base," if you will'.

Reasonable statement, but I wanna clear up somethin you said.. 'Propagation is very base' if you will something - if you will what??

Are there sites of the available firemen from NYFD, like personals with photo's etc.
I've been looking all night!!!!!

hi i'm from germany, and i have to say something about manhatten for homework, can you tell me something?

My question is " what if she gets more than $20,000.00"? Is she going to return the excess? This girl is the definition of "I am never responsible". Sell the lap-top, give up cable access (and cable TV), take back the clothes. Next she will blame the bank, because they gave her the credit card. God help this country!!!!

Who's Wil Wheaton?

Let me get this straight. You fired someone just because they didn't tell you that the cost of stamps has gone up?

This is the sort of information that's mentioned in news broadcasts on TV and radio, new websites and post offices everywhere.

What disaster did this failure on your assistant's part, cause?

Or was this just the last straw in a string of failures?

Jodi:
I regret to inform you that having to rely upon a personal assistant to be aware of when the postage rates change (after several month's notice by the purveyor of said postage)disqualifies you from all but the highest management positions in any respectable organization.

That means you will have to sign off on the authenticity and accuracy of all financial reports for the past two years. You know what W himself has said they will do to anyone whose books are not accurate. Admittedly, you may become the beneficiary of an excusal if you happen to be a close enough acquaintance of W and Associates.

I just have to say, yes I know this is a little late, but I went there once and never went back.

Oh my oh my oh my.

I was just going to sit back and be an amused observer here in my own comment sandbox, but I feel compelled to just say one thing.

If people don't go to a site to read the comments, then what the hell is everyone doing in here arguing about this?

Hmmmmm?

Hoo boy! The irony!

I think his blog's really entertaining and I wouldn't be able to point him out if I saw him in a movie or TV show.

Let me see if I can get this right: if you're a celebrity and lot's of people comment on your post, whether their commenting intelligently or not, your site isn't worth much. Sounds like jealoust or resentment. I found Wil's site the way I find anything on the web -- through other links. I'm not a celebrity sniffer or a star-fucker, thank you very much. I'm interested in the stories he tells, which is my criteria for any site. Sometimes I read the comments and contribute my own, sometimes I don't. But I certainly don't judge Wil Wheaton by the number of comments he gets. Trolls are everywhere.

I still do not fathom why the quantity of comments he gets is relevant. You either like his writing or not.

If not, why bother going to his site?

When I started my blog, I got a lot of the same "celebrity" traffic that this guy gets. (I know a guy who once served a meatloaf sandwich to Rob Zombie)

It's frustrating to know that they don't want to read your work you for who you are...they want to read your work for who you are when they think you are what you are....only you're not. (And neither am I.)

The other side of the token, I suppose, is that it's nice to get 150+ comments to a post that should garner maybe two or three.

At least you call them celebrity sniffers. I'm' not as tactful. I call them star fuckers.

The guy can be pretty funny. But so are a lot of people, and they don't get 1,000 ass kissin' posts about it.

Again, who reads his blog for the comments? I certainly don't.

His recent tales about the Fourth of July and of his Star Trek figures were charming and infused with a real sense of life (well, the Fourth of July one was). He's a regular guy who happens to have been on tv and in the movies, nothing more.

I guess what I've always found disappointing is that plenty of women put their breasts on their blogs, but nobody's breasys actually blog themselves. I would find that far more interesting, I think...

What amazes me is that you have found evidence of titties that are actually fucking. Isn't that what "fucking tits" means? And since you said they belong to a person, it must be two titties side by side that are fucking each other. Wow. I've never seen that. In fact, I might pay to see that. In fact, if someone can point me to fucking tits or even fucking balls, I'd love to see them in action!

Can you tell I'm not surfing the HOT internet?

Jodi! I'm hurt you even opened the job to the public. You know I'm perfect for it. Smooch!

Nah. Actually, I was asleep while you were at the gym. :P

Benefits? 401k? Stock options? Vacation package?

Note that no male has been willing to comment on this one. Don't think I'll be a trend-setter. ;)

Boobies?! where?! How come I never get to see 'em???

;)

As much as I enjoy looking at my own, I'm sure they are much nicer in the flesh than they could be in a photo. Why would I want to look at others, when I've got a perfectly fine set right here? This way I'm assured of quality before I even look. :p

Jodi, I did it in the name of charity. Pure and simple. And, mine were mostly clad. No hands on mine! Then again, there's been a serious lack on hands on them lately so.......whatever.

I'd offer to do it, Jodi. But, in all honesty...NOTHING would ever get done. I'm too busy with blogging and other such things. You'd be a good boss, though, I'm sure.

Never having been a Trekkie...I have no idea what character anyone is talking about.

If I read something someone's written that I like...I tend to follow their other links, thinking that something must be enjoyable.

Honestly, I think it's mostly ass kissing on that one...but I could be wrong.

The odd thing is, most of the Star Trek fans I know always hated the "Wesley" character. There was, apparently, even an "air-lock Wesley" campaign.

I would love to work for you, alas, no green card. I'd be an illegal alien!

If want a job done right...

My apologies, oh masterful one. I wouldn't have qualified anyway. My beliefs probably aren't quite genuine enough! :p

Excuse my blog (crap, I forgot the word, its been a long day) ignorance (there, that's the word) but is that "Hoopty" thing everyone links to, is that a bloggers-boob thing too?

Dear sweet silly Maddy. If only you'd actually read my entire post before commenting, you would've seen that I wasn't complaining about the price of stamps but about the inefficiency of my personal assistant! (By the way, don't bother applying for the job!)

Did you know that to get your 37 cent stamp I would have to pay about 77 NZ cents? One of my own stamps is 40 NZ cents. You could purchase my stamp for a measley 19 of your cents. And your country is MUCH larger than mine! Where's the justice! So stamps, schmamps. You got it good, stop complaining!

*waiting to be slapped around the head for insolence*

Mind you, living in NZ does have it's perks. :)

I believe that a group of chiggers is called a "blog". A blog of chiggers. Yes.

I'm going to mail you a school of chiggers, or whatever you call a big, humongous group of them!

:)

But, again for the "record", I don't agree with her last comment.

Oh, and lest anyone think that Tess and I are seriously feuding, well, uhh, that too is a joke. (See, it's aaaall about the jokes, kidz.)

Anita, thanks for the applause.

If you used Stamps.com you would have been advised ages ago. ;)

Uhmmmm, for the "record" (as if one even exists) ... my friend was kidding about the cleavage. The break that I want you to give me is a fuckin' one.

Ok, seriously, I happen to agree with you on the Internet prevalence of jugs everywhere, but honestly, I don't see any difference between what they're doing and dressing that way in "real life" for countless people to see. What's the difference in dressing that way for a "few" to see and dressing that way for the "world" to see? And, I'd be quite impressed if your friend was the only one to have seen you dress that way unless you threw a sheet over yourself enroute, while dining, and enroute back to your apartment. :) Hahaha~ Oh, my... it's FUN to play devil's advocate! Love me?

Wow! I'm impressed that someone thinks I have cleavage.

It's one thing to selectively display one's wares when in the company of a friend. Quite another to post pictures of the goods on a WORLDWIDE venue for all the world to see. May as well pose for Juggs.

Feh. Kaka.

*applause*

Please, don't ruin this for the rest of us... :)

And from what I heard about a certain lunch meeting you had with another blogger, you aren't too damn conservative in the cleavage department yourself, so.. phhtt!

;-)

Right on target, Jodele! I have some equally disgusting stories to share with you when we talk - call me! People(?) and their opinions! Vile, stupid, merciless, heartless and totally unasked for and unwarranted. Better to say nothing. As Sis and I say - "NEN"!

I found his blog my chance one day. I read it not because I'm a fan (truthfully I had no idea who he was until I read his comments!) but because some of the things he has on there are funny. The most recent ones were the Epitaph comment's. When you read his blog, you get the sense that most of the people there are big star trek fans, but others like me, just happend on to it and read it. It's not a daily obsession like Jodi's blog, but it's fun to read when your bored:)

Mmm...normally, I would have to pass, but they look so dang good! Ill be off to the gym in a bit, but for now..a bite!!

Wil played Wesley Crusher in Star Trek: The Next Generation. He was also the lead character in the film, "Stand By Me."

I don't read Wil's site for the comments; I read his posts. You either like them or you don't.

Personally, I find him one of the better writers of blogs, our hostess here excepted.

Maybe Dean & Deluca carries "baby meat".

Yeah, maybe it's because I don't watch television (and refuse to go look at his blog), but who exactly is Will Wheaton? He can't be too big of a celebrity.

Who the hell is Wil Weaton...and why is he missing an L from his name?

Mmmmmm......bagels.

Nothing better than a fresh, smelly, "everything" bagel. Yummmmmm.

I think it's a little bit of both. Some of his stuff is good, but a lot of people go there just because he's "Wesley." *snort* It's pretty obvious from the comments on his site, which range from interesting feedback to "woah, I can't believe I'm the first commenter on Wil Wheaton's blog!!!!" haha

It ain't no jodiverse. ;)

Will's stories are excellent -- you really get a sense of place and time when he tells a tale. I'd gladly buy a book of his writings, I enjoy them so much.

I am stupid, someone please enlighten me and tell me what "baby meat" is? Is it baby food?

Mmmm, good nova, too.

I didn't really need any more excuses to get up from my computer, but I've gratefully received this one! The games are so pretty! :smile

Thanks.

*glug glug glug GACK GACKKKKGGGKCCKHG!*

I'm Choking! Call 911! ....and my Lawyer!!!

Oh no... an Orisinal war...!!!

What are you talking about, Joan? I've had this thing bookmarked since February!

Jodi, I'm coming over two Saturdays from now just because I think you know how to treat your pets.

Jodi, did you steal my Orisinal? It's okay if you did. You just have to be honest about it. Really. I promise....you won't be punished.

My Mom once read my blog, and that wasn't pretty. I had to enter the Blogger Protection Program in order to avoid being cut off financially.

Ah... 103 degrees today and we were out at the park enjoying a nice game of Frisbee... :)

You WILL play frisbee with us when you come, won't you?

Yep, that's what I meant. Thanks for editing. Not a pleasant thought.

Shawn, by "first time", do you mean the version I sent you and Kelly by email? If so, the delightful "Note" wasn't included in that one. (This is the same recipe, though, in case you give a bark.)

I didn't notice the "Note" the first time. Ewwwwwww!

My dog only eats organic and watches independent movies. Please.

By the way, I fear that this is going to go on and on ad nauseam. Although I appreciate the smorgasbord/pot-luck that has been served here, I think my comments have been fed way too much of a good thing.

Since it is my site, I'm hereby nailing this comment coffin shut. Do not try to exhume the corpse.

Pepto Bismol, anyone?

Or, just take your dogs to Dairy Queen like I do. Vanilla cones for EVERYONE! Woo hOO! For a real treat, hop on over and see the "Ya Ya" movie afterwards... the dogs'll love it... :)

Mary, if you do that MEDLINE search and it yields results, would you please post those results on your site? I think my site is getting somewhat heavy through the middle, what with all these comments.

Nope, no, not at all. I am still not okay with this case. I don't for one second think that the fast fod companies CUNNINGLY sell their food to people. I believe that they market it and price it so that people buy it frequently, and even though it is high and fat and cholesterol and all the bead things, it does taste good to many people. It is called advertising. Products are advertized every single day that are bad for your health if not used correctly: diet pills, laxatives, etc.

Let's take a step back for a minute. What we are essentially talking about here is food. It is just food. FOOD. Something that we need to put into our bodies. Many people use food incorrectly. They overeat and gain weight. Some become obese and put their health at risk. While fast food may be a part of it, what about all the other food that this guy had to eat when he wasn't at a fast food restaurant?

We all know that fast food is bad for your, or do we? Common sense should have told this guy that eating Big Macs, super-sized fries and a drink is bad for his health. If common sense didn't prevail, then I am sure his doctor gave him this fact after he had his first heart attack.

There has been plenty of press and information in the past five years about the nutritional value of fast-food. PLENTY! If you don't believe me, I can do a MEDLINE search right now and post the results. This is not new information. Now if this guy lived in a cave, maybe he would not know this.

The KFC down the block from me has its nutritional information prominently posted on the wall when you walk in. It has been the reason I have walked out right after walking inmany times. And if that didn't clue this guy in, the fact that most of the food is fried, should have.

I think that this man is lazy, and blaming his problem on someone else. He could have brought his lunch with him everyday. And I don't for one second beleive his argument about how there is nothing but fast food restaurants. When I worked in lower Manhatten, I remember there being a deli, or salad bar on every corner.

This many is looking for a hand-out and it is disgusting. I am not tryint to defent the fast food chains here, but if you are gonna sue them for something, sue them for unfair labor practices, or unionbusting, not because you ate too much of their food and are fat.

I am hoping that the court laughs this one right out the door.

Paulina Porizkova, what an actor.

(-

P(-

Now granted, that's a mighty small hammer. But still, Extremely well done, Shawn.

And Thomas - I don't drink either. But I do know that bars actually ARE held responsible if they keep serving someone who is clearly too intoxicated to have another drink. At least in my area, anyway. That's why they have the right to refuse people. Am I saying that Billy Zits-A-Lot working the counter at the Bob's Big Boy should refuse to serve this fat guy? Of course not. What I'm saying, and what I've been trying to say this whole freaking time, is EXACTLY what Shawn just said. This case is so much bigger than just one fat guy, and we need to all back off from our stances on personal accountability just enough to see that maybe someone ELSE is somewhat accountable here too. Just for fun though, Let's take that stupid coffee lawsuit.

Now clearly, Hot Coffee is not intended to be spilled on your lap. Therefore, that lawsuit was, indeed, stupid.

HOWEVER!!! - had McDonalds served the coffee in a dribble glass?...or a funnel?....and had they intended for the coffee to spill in your lap, then yes, OF COURSE it would be partially their fault when your privates got burned! Why shouldn't we hold them just as accountable as the person too stupid to see what they're doing?

Earlier, you wanted to know where I would draw the line. I draw the line when a company markets a product that is EXTREMELY HARMFUL WHEN USED EXACTLY AS THE COMPANY WANTS YOU TO USE IT. Is it any wonder the federal government has an entire department devoted to the monitoring and regulating of "Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms" - the three industries that fit my description perfectly?

Listen, I'm not saying that the guy is right in blaming these companies for his own inability to control himself. All I'm saying is that this industry has knowingly, willingly, and CUNNINGLY given many Americans serious health risks (or at the very least, provided and encouraged ample opportunities for them to do it to themselves)and if this one stupid case forces us to finally realize that - then I'm okay with it.

First, I'll say this is the most I've ever been made to think about a weblog topic based soley upon the comments. Kudos to all for a very healthy, mostly respectful, debate.

That said, I had initially intended to simply quote Shakespeare when saying "First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers," with apologies to Jodi for reasons she will understand. But after reading Aaron's initial comment, I realized it is more complex. Like Aaron, I was delighted when Big Tobacco got its collective ass sued off, though my glee was fleeting as the awards and appeals have become a complete and total cluster-fuck (see previous reference to Shakespeare). Like Thomas, however, I rarely ever deviate from a hard stance on personal accountability, something we Americans have rightfully earned a laughable reputation world-wide. But as this thread demonstrates, it is far more complex. Get out a big metaphorical bowl and throw in all of the ingredients that have been named: lack of personal accountability, ignorance, greed, sloth, trickery, litigious society, big business, and maybe, just maybe, dependency (won't go as far as "addiction"). Bottom line: it's a complex problem.

In my (not yours, mine) final analysis, this is a case of a lazy, half-illiterate slob who's been used as vehicle for profit by an opportunistic scumbag of an attorney. But it's also a wake-up call to examine a problem that increasingly plagues the US, no matter where the blame falls and what the solution is.

Nice comment in response to my post Thomas! You made me laugh, which on a day as hot as this (90 in Denver) is a good thing.

I'm in total agreement with both Mary Carmen and Amanda. I'd not even heard of Fat Acceptance before today. What a scary thought!

People as overweight as Amanda descibes should be just 'accepting' their weight and the problems it causes them. That's just acting like victims. They have to get up and do something, before it kills them.

I have nothing against people being overweight. What I do have a problem with is people expecting special treatment because of a condition they've brought upon themselves.

On a flight from the UK to the US a few years ago, I was seated next to an obese man. How he ever squeezed into the economy seat, I'll never know. However, his arms and sides spilled out, and into my (already cramped) seating space.

Eventually, he asked a stewardess if there was another spare seat somewhere. There was, and I volunteered to move. I was just too tired to argue about who should move.

What galls me, is that this lazy fuck ended up with two seats for the price of one. Special treatment because of his self-inflicted condition.

As for people blaming an eating disorder - those sorts of problems can be remedied. I have a friend who used to have such a problem, and they got help and got over it.

I know it's been said before, but it really is time for people to stop looking for someone else to blame, and to get on with fixing their problems.

Oh my, Jodi... you have done it again. I've just pulled myself off the floor, where I landed when I burst out laughing. (Right next to a stack of project notebooks that I should have put away weeks ago, too.)

Dd this man not learn anything from Jared of Subway fame? Heh. No seriously, I got so mad when i read this article and it was funny because I was recently thinking about how this was bound to happen eventually given the fact that obesity is about to surpass diseases brought on from smoking as the number #1 preventable reason for death in this nation. It is so sad. Granted these places might not have the nutrion value pasted right on the food wrappers, how could anyone with common sense think that two "all-beef" patties smothered in oil with cheese or some creamy sauce on top is really halth to eat every day? Oh wait, this guy had two heart attacks and still didn't stop, my bad, he has no common sense.

I know all about the addictive nature of food but that is someone's own personal problem. I could probably sit and eat a bucket of fries if i let myself but I won't anymore. It make take self-control but so do a lot of things in life. It's not impossible. Maybe instead of buying all of those extra-value meals this guy should have hired a nutrionist or therapist. I hate fast food chains as much as the next person, but when it comes down to it people need to realize how unhealthy they are living and make that change.

Then again, I will agree with those who mentioned the fact that fast food and pre-packaged meals are an economic alternative to those who really have no money (I'm guessing this isn't the the case for this man since he seems to have the cash to hire a lawyer for this frivolity). I live in Philadelphia and when I go into the parts that have less money you can find one of every fast food chain anywhere you go. Those dollar menus make it seem like it's an easy way to get more food for you money.

I'll also agree with the whole "super-sizing" thing. Ugh. Does anyone these days realize that 32oz. is about 6 servings of soda and not one? Then again all of this information is readily available these days for those that WANT it.

People always say dumb things at horrid times, especially when other people lose "loved ones." Not an excuse for them. (That newscaster was referring, probably to the initial, shock-stage of grief. But even when saying something silly, one should qualify it.)
After my mom died and when a friend's father died, we traded "comfort" stories, highlighted with the old she "is better off," or "it's for the best," because she/he (not a transexual, don't be confused) was suffering from an illness. Of course, what would be for the best would be the person not being sick to begin with, right? Anyway, the newscasters, particularly around this time of the Runnion murder, are blathering idiots. If I see one more "What Can 40-pound children Do to Fight Off their Attackers," I'm going to bind and gag Connie Chung.

And, no one even mentioned the double negative in the man's statement-'Caesar Barber, on ABC News just moments ago, claimed, "There wasn't no other alternative" to eating fast food.'

WHAT'S THIS WORLD COMING TO?

Basically, this round of commentary have led me to the conclusion that I must marry Thomas. If he's unwilling....then I will be chasing Aaron. I can live no more without these men. Hey, maybe Thomas won't mind if Aaron lives with us!

Jodi, those boobs....they're cute and all.....but mine are prettier.....even if my nipples aren't horizontally level

Hey, you know.....here's a sad thought. I ended up finding those scratch-n-sniff decals that Jess mentioned too. We are just so pathetic.

Whatever happened to packing your own lunches and bringing them to work? Most workplaces have fridges and microwaves...why not use them?

This guy should have gotten himself a copy of one of the many low-fat cookbooks out there, and learned to use it. If he doesn't have time to cook every day, why not spend part of a day off cooking a bunch of different things, freeze them into meal-sized portions, and whip one out when it's time to eat. This would work well for meals at home, as well as at work.

He could just cook as little as once a month...load up the freezer, and voila! Lots of HEALTHY fast food! Not only would he be healthier, but he'd save a lot of money as well.

The last time I ever ate at a fast-food place was a McDonald's on the Massachusetts Turnpike...this was last December, on the way to Cooperstown, NY. I ended up getting such nasty diarrhea that it almost ruined our trip. I eat at these places so infrequently that the crap in the food probably caused a problem in my system. Anyway, I have not set foot in a fast-food joint since...and I never will again. And, no...I haven't starved to death!

I agree with those who say that the fast-food joints are NOT liable for this guy's weight problem. No one forced him to eat there. His own laziness is to blame here. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

One more thing. If you want to know how many fat grams, calories, and every other gram of anything is in a burger at a fast food restaurant...all you have to do is ask! They are LEGALY required to have them sitting there at the registered for you to see. Shoot, Carls Jr. Posts it right up on the wall as you walk in. Taco Bell has fliers sitting at the registers. PLUS..you can go on any of the fast food websites and get the nutritional info there. I'm sorry, but even if you didn't know anything about nutrition, surely a red flag would go off when you see a whopper has 53 grams of fat! It's not like they try and fool you, the information is right there. You just have to care to take note of it.

This is just a sad story. Someone is trying to blame someone else for their own obestiy, when in reality it was their fault. It's a sad sad thing.

Why didn't this guy try going to the grocery store, getting some food, cooking it at home and eating it? You know why, he was too lazy, and it was easier for him just to jump in the car go to the drive through and eat. He would actually have to work (a teeny tiny bit) if he was cooking his own meals.

I have long been a believer that fast food is the devil (haha). I eat it once a month at the most, and thats usually because I'm so tired I can't bare the thought of having to cook. I'm not trying to preach, I'm just saying, this guy was just plain lazy. The along with his fast food habit made him lazy.

Here is a tip...
Lay off the fast food for a while, and start walking (he lives in NY..walking is just THE way there) and I betcha anything, the weight would pour off this guy!

I also have a problem with that fat acceptance thing. I visited their fat acceptance board one day. I was reading through the posts, and I saw thing's I couldn't even believe. They were talking about how hard it is for them to wipe after going to the bathroom, and how they need extra special attachments for the shower. I'm sorry, but when you get THAT big, you cant be happy. How can you accept a life like that? Eeek..it's sad. Then, they want special treatment because it's so hard for them to get around. It's not like someone who was born handicapped, they deserve the special treatment, but when someone just can't give up the fatty foods, they don't deserve the special treatment.

Just like that Karyn chick, they got themselves into the mess, they need to deal with it. It just makes me mad that people can't take responsiblity for themselves.

Even though this is a whole other can of words, since it was brought up, I will say that I am all for the legalization and regulation of drugs. Because like food, I believe that you have a choice to either take drugs or not take them. No one forces you to do so. I would almost be willing to say that if drugs were legal and were affordable and regulated, less people would be taking them. But that is neither here nor there.

Is till can't accept that the fast food chains need to tkae some responsibility for this. I just can't. There is only one thing that I am willing to blame on the fast food chains and that is the super-sizing of America. They have completely blown the concept of food peortion size out of control.

Other than that, the only other positive thing that may come out of a law suit like this may be that some more light is shed on the social inadequacies in America. If you are lower class, and living on minimum wage there is no way you can afford healthy, nutritious food. And it has been proven that nutritious fruits and vegetables and other healthy food options are not generally available in lower income communities. The sad truth is that if you are poor, fast food is very affordable.

This man had a heart attack. Aside fromhis weight, the heart attack should have been a MAJOR wake-up call for him. Apparently it was not. I am sure that when he was in the hospital being treated for his heart attack the doctors addressed the issue of his weight and how it contributed to his health problems. I don't understand how this man could not know that a triple quarter pounder, super-sized fries, and 64 ounces of soda was not healthy. It is absilutely inconceivable to me.

I have no sympathy and I think this guy is blaming other people for his own problems. And if he should win the case and get money, how much do you want to bet he goes out and gets weight loss surgery or liposuction or something like that?

I don't know. I am mortified by this, absolutely mortified. This is a great message that we are sending the youth of America, "If you are unhappy about something in your life and don't want to take responsibility for it, blame someone else."

Yeah! Let's SUE people for making something that while dangerous if abused, they openly give you all the nutritional data about! Yeah!

I notice even the most self-righteous strain of the vegans here have avoided mentioning alcohol. It seems that they only want us to attack the things THEY don't like. I don't drink alcohol, so why shouldn't I push to see your precious fermented addictive substance makers sued for everything they own? You make my burgers $10 bucks a pop, and God help me, you won't be able to get a single can of beer for less than $100.

I don't recall anyone eating 6 burgers then losing the ability to recite the alphabet. I don't recall any frat boys dying from burger related hazing rituals. I also don't recall anyone abusing burgers and then plowing into a full schoolbus. Alcohol is more addictive than organicly grown tobacco, cases more deaths than french fries and it's primary purpose is to intoxicate.

I lay down the gauntlet; If you have balls the size of Texas enough to take down all the alcohol manufacturers in the U.S., then after you're done, I'll join you to take down fast food. If you don't want to because you "like a drink every now and then", then fuck you and your anti fast food stance, you hypocrites!

There are two issues here, the issue of this guy not taking responsibility for his own actions, and the issue of the fast food companies actively marketing something they know is unhealthy. I don't think anyone here disagrees that this guy is responsible for his own girth. I walk by 2 fast food places every day and they've yet to make me fat.

That said, I agree in principle, if not in action, with Aaron. Though I don't think that law suits are the best way to enact change, I do think that the fast food companies should be required to live up to certain standards. We all know that fast food is fatty and unhealthy, but do consumers really realize that a Big Mac with large fries adds up to 93% of the RDA for the day? Wanna super size that (make that 98%)? Oh, and let's not forget the occasional MSG thrown in. I haven't eaten anything but a baked potato from a fast food chain in over 10 years (which has not been easy given the relative absense of alternatives along the highways, but I'm a health conscious vegetarian...i'll pass on the McShaker salad, thanks), so maybe people are more aware than I think, but somehow I doubt it.

Scratch-n-sniff crotch decals? Why, that's crotchtastic!

Great; A topic so controversial, the British are coming! The British are coming!

And wasn't America kinda founded on a tea addiction so expensive, we had to blame someone?

Boy were those comments a long read! But they were all good.

Wearing my 'Token European Reader' hat (I live in the US, but I "aint from round these here parts") ... this story will be laughed at in Europe.

One of the clichéd views of Americans, by Europeans, is that they always want someone to blame for bad things that have happened for them.

They don't seem to accept that sometimes in life, bad things happen.

This story, together with that woman who sued McDonalds for her coffee scalding her when she drove with it between her thighs, are perfect examples of this.

Having lived in the US, I know that most Americans are not like this, just like most of us Britons don't have Austin Powers' teeth! However, the litigation trigger-happy cliché is something for which Americans are becoming renowned.

I agree with everyone posted so far, that both the guy, and the fast food corporations are at fault, but at the end of the day, as Mary Carmen says, no one was forcing the food down his throat, he could have gone to a deli.

When I first moved to the US, I was shocked at how expensive (at least in Colorado) fresh fruit and vegetables are. They're twice the price they are in Britain. TV dinners, meanwhile, are super-cheap. Is it any wonder that people, especially those busy with children, opt for the cheaper, quicker, unhealthier option?

The other factor, as Aaron says, is to give people more than 30 minutes for lunch. Frankly it's not long enough.

This is typical of the terrible way US employees are treated. It certainly doesn't make people any more productive, and it most likely forces people to get the quickest possible lunch, which favours the fast food places.

European working days are typically 7 or 7.5 hours long, with an hour for lunch. You need an hour to do lunch healthily.

Mind you, European workers also get between 4 and 6 weeks leave a year, and yet are as productive as US workers (and probably a lot happier for it!)

Aaron,

There isn't anyone with an addiction to put forks in people's ears? Not even a sociopathic/psycopathic person? That is a disease. Should we absolve Ted Bundy for his crimes and instead sue Chicago Cutlery for making the knives he used to cut the girls open. After all, Knives are meant to cut things.

Many knives are even (gasp) MEAT knives. Meat kills people when eaten every day, every hour, every minute. So why stop suing at the knife manufacturer? Sue the slaughterhouse; They intentionally make meat products, which by your logic, are harmful to people when used in the purpose for which they are intended.

Why stop at the slaughterhouse? Sue the cows. They make meat on themselves. I'd even suggest you go to a pasture and argue your case before the Supreme Bovine herself.

At what point do YOU finally draw the line?

... having an active dream life, eh, Aaron?

Oh, I'm totally with you about the Fat Acceptance people. Don't get me wrong. And I know I'm not going to change anyone's mind with this, but I'm going to ask one question.

Why do we prosecute heroin dealers? They're not forcing it into anyone's systems, are they? They're not going door to door selling this stuff, are they? Hell, they don't even have advertising! What if heroin dealers took out multi-billion dollar advertising campaigns trying to convince you how much you should use herion? We'd stop them, that's what. Because Heroin is a product that is extremely harmful to people when used EXACTLY the way it is intended to be used.

The bottom line is, It feels great , and it will cause you some serious health problems if you overdo it.

What was I talking about there? Fast Food? Or Heroin?

Now don't jump all over me saying that I can't compare Greasy Food to an Illegal Drug. You're right, I can't. (Partly because there isn't a multi-million dollar "Herion Lobby" like there is for the US Beef Industry, but that's not the point. )

I'm not trying to say that obesity and/or overweightness isn't the fault of the individual. I am 100% in favor of personal accountability. But I am also 100% in favor of making sure that accountability applies to EVERYONE.

My point is, people who peddle a product that causes harm if used in the EXACT MANNER they want you to, are usually stopped. Why is this an exception?

Aaron, I am sorry but I have to disagree with you on this one. The fast food companies should not be held responsible for this guy being overweight. Yes the food is fattening and high in calories, but no one, not even the marketing people are shoving the food down his throat. Ultimately, it was this man's decision, and mine and yours (when we were both really heavy) to go to the fast food restaurant and drown our problems and emotions in food. So what did you and I and countless others do? WE learned how to modify our behabiour and our eating habits so that when we are emotional we don't overeat.

I am sure that this man was advised by his doctors that he needed to lose weight and that he should bypass the fast food, but he did not listen and it is no one's fault but his own.

And yes, I do beleive that over eating is a valid form of an eating disorder and can be very addictive, but just as with every other addiciton, first you have to accept that you have a problem and that YOU need to modify your behavior in order to get over it. I don't see any shred of that in this article.

There are millions of Americans who eat fast food every day who are not overweight. The key is not to eat fast food EVERY single day. In his lawsuit he is naming four fast food chains. This makes me wonder how many times a week he frequented each of these chains?

I am appalled that this is ahppening and I am actually ashamed to be overweight when things like this happen. This man needs to do so long, hard, soul searching and try to figure out: A. what causes him to overeat and B. what makes him think his being obese is not his fault.

And if the Fat Acceptance communicty is behind this, then I have a question for them: If you are behind this lawsuit which claims that fast food establishments help contribute to your obesity and eventually lead to declined health, why are you all always screaming about how healthy y'all are?

I am sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch, but this pisses me off...a lot.

And to think, I can still bust out in tears (usually when driving, alone) over my sister's death almost 12 years ago. What a freak I am...

....and Thomas, I completely agree with you there too.

BRING BACK THE BREASTS!!

Thomas (and everyone) I completely agree with you.

The ideal solution is for the general public to be smart enough to be able to ignore the marketing strategies, taste, and utter convienence of these foods...

Or to give everyone a job where they have more than half an hour to both obtain and eat their lunch - and go to the bank, or the post office, or whatever else you have to do during "business hours"...

Or maybe we could raise a race of people with genetically superior metabolisms...people who can succumb to the temptation of fast, easy, cheap comfort foods without the dangers of it...

Yes, the key is to have a society where everyone is intelligent, caring, free-thinking and genetically-gifted. But that's not going to happen.

The general public is stupid. The marketing people behind these harmful products are not. You can talk about bringing lawsuits against flatware manufacturers all you want - but their product is NOT harmful, if it is used the way it is intended to be used.

Fast Food Is intended to be eaten frequently. Fast Food Is harmful if eaten frequently.
Fast Food is therefore harmful if used the exactl way the manufacturers intend.

And if you really think that food isn't addictive....I was 290 lbs in High School. (granted, at 6'1") I knew all about comfort foods, and the emotional high you can get from eating things like fast food when you're feeling stressed or upset. I am a very healthy 185-190 now (and a vegetarian), so I also know how hard it was to overcome my reliance on the comfort that those foods provided. Almost like...an addiction?

Sorry about this, everyone. I just feel very strongly that companies should not be allowed to willingly, knowingly, and INTENTIONALY put the general public's health at great risk so that they can make a buck.

Jodi,

Many apologies, the topic isn't the problem. Also, this isn't a blog; this is an insight into the Jodiverse.

Can we go back to breast related posts?

and i'm also wondering if after his first heart attack did his doctor advise him that he should lay off the fast food, and if he didn't can he sue his doctor for negligence?

this type of thing just infuriates me, when will people start taking responsibility for their own actions?

so were the employees of these establishments supposed to refuse serving this man their food because he appeared to be overweight and they didn't want to be blamed for his declining health?

Being "stupid" or naive, or unaware doesn't give anyone a right to not take responsibility for themselves. Being ignorant of the law doesn't get you off the hook.
There is no acceptable excuse for being ignorant about your health. If you can read, you can pick up a book and educate yourself.

I saw this on the news last night, and it's no more palatable this morning. No alternative to fast food? The guy lives in the Bronx! We have these things here called delis. You can get all kinds of good for you lunches in a deli. A cold cut sandwhich might not be the healthiest fare, but it's a lot better than a sodium- and fat-laden, taste made in a chemical company on the Jersey Turnpike, burger from McDonald's. We have these other things here called grocery stores. They come in pretty handy.

Thomas, don't blame the topic!

(And this is a site, not a blog! "Blog" is a four-letter word I will not allow!)

The collective intelligence on this blog is reduced by this topic.

The solution isn't to sue everyone, the solution is to not abuse the product.

MickeyD's differs from Tobacco in that they don't put addicting chemicals into the food; Fast food is a choice. Tobacco is reviled for it's destructiveness, but it had to pay up for it's addictive nature.

(Begin rant.)

The truth is wheatgrass can be deadly when abused. Shall we sue them too? Shall we sue silverware makers because the forks are so pointy? Shall we sue power companies because those high-voltage cables kill people when they chomp down on them? Shall we sue God because people can drown in water? When the fuck do people stop being victims? Grow the fuck up and take responsibility for yourselves.

(End Rant)

FFN is a fantastic book! I highly recommend it. Not only does it cover the fast food industry and the crap that they do, it also takes a great look at the suburbanization of America and how every single place in this country is gonna look the same because it has the same strip mall. Great book!

No wonder I've been getting so many offers lately....

Aaron -- check out FAST FOOD NATION for a truly horrifying look at that industry.

Quick Question....

Whose fault is it that this man is overweight? His own.

Am I upset that Fast Food companies are being held accountable? Not at all.

Just like I was thrilled to death when the tobacco companies got hit with that massive class-action suit a few years ago. Yes, it's the fault of the smokers for not being smart enough to quit when they KNOW that this crap will kill them - but it's the Tobacco companies that are willingly producing the product, and trying to sell it to people, with the knowledge that it will kill them.

Yes, people know that Fast Food is bad for you, and should know better than to eat it. But the Fast Food companies know it too, and still relentlessly market their product at a public that they KNOW is getting more and more obese and unhealthy.

Listen, I agree that people should be held accountable for their own actions. But when I say "people" I also mean the companies responsible for producing the lard-infested, 30% mealworm (its true!) "meat," and then aggressively selling it to a public that they KNOW shouldn't be eating it.

Everyone needs to be held accountable. If you're not smart enough to not eat that crap? Yes. You're responsible. Your punishment? Diabetes and/or Obesity.

But if you're the one making and peddling the death food? I personally think you should be responsible too.

i don't even kow where to begin on this one. as you may or may not know, depending on how long you have been visiting my site, i am on extremely bad terms with the "fat acceptance" people because, as an overweight woman, i do not accept that you can be both morbidly obese and healthy at the same time. i truly believe that the two are mutually exclusive.

i have written about my anger and frustration with groups like NAAFA and fat acceptance blogs, because i really feel like these people are kidding themselves and rationalizing their behavior. i have been there. my heaviest weight was somewhere in the neighborhood of 370 three years ago. i have since lost 140 pounds through changing myeating habits and exercising. apparently, the fat acceptance people think i am a traitor to my "fatness" because i am not happy being fat.

apparently dieting is not on their agenda. no matter how many times i hear or read the phrase "i eat right and workout three to four times a week and am healthy" i won't buy it. i don't understand how if you eat right and work out you can still weigh 450 pounds. but their answer of course is that it is all genetic and they have no real control over it. while i may agree that their is agenetic predisposition for fatness, i don't think that a person is helpless. to me, this is all rationilization. fat acceptance people use thing slike blood pressure, and choleste4rol readings as their indicators of health, when in reality just because these two things are okay does not mean that you are healthy. i mean carrying around 370 pounds did not make me feel healthy ever, and i have always had low cholesterol and blood pressure. yet i was always out of breathe, my knees and back hurt, and i was emotionally depressed all the time. i don't define healthy that way.

so now because the media has really focused in on the growing obesity epidemic in america, the FA people are getting all defensive. no matter how many books they write, how many speeches they give. i still don't buy it.

sorry that was so long, but this is a hot button issue with me lately, since i have been getting hate email from FA people.

OK, here goes.

I'm five foot eleven inches tall, and I'm 240 pounds.

Yikes.

Granted, I've got the shoulders like a football player, can easily lift my own body weight and I still can find my waist size at any clothing store (not just Big&Tall sections). But I readily admit I don't have a six pack. Hell, I have a couple of two liters and some 20 oz bottles in there. I also admit my non-fitness is MY FAULT. (The crowd gasps as personal responsibility is taken.)

Yes, I've switched to Diet Code Red Mt. Dew, and yes I've switched to boneless-skinless chicken, but I'm still a big guy. My Doctor has told me that with my mesomorphic body structure, I'll never get into a size 32 pant. Who am I to blame? Who should I sue? My parents?

This numb-nut who says there's no alternative to fast food should visit a grocery store.

Work came from the concept of "Verk"; A Bulgarian word meaning, "To enslave".

Office came from the Canadian "Off-Ice", as in "Sure, we're at work, but at least we're off da ice, eh?"

Project is a combination of "Professionally" and "Reject", meaning a shitty task that comes to you from someone who is very skilled at rejecting the work he/she doesn't want to do.

Finally, Cunnilingus is derived from "Cunning Linguist", meaning one skilled in words would have the necessary tongue capacity to provide more than a modicum of pleasure. Unfortunately, I wouldn't have the faintest idea of someone of that ilk.

Guess the next thing are warning labels on the wrapping to your hamburgers: Warning: "Consuming this sodium filled, fatty, sugary piece of meat may cause heart attack"......

This is the guy who says he was never told that fast food is fat? Give me a break. This country may be lawsuit happy, but this takes the fat-free cake.

Suddenly I have the desire to shove a Twinkie down his fucking throat.

Sorry, but this one really pisses me off. He has no one to blame but himself.

That guy Schuller (I'm sorry that I am not able the conjure up a title that captures the width and the depth of my feelings for him) has said something that I find to be exactly what I would expect from him and his ilk.

The loss of a loved one (especially one's child) and the resulting grief is impossible for anyone else to experience, least of all, prescribe. Each one's experience is unique and virtually impossible for others to truly appreciate, much less set limits on.

One can express sorrow, give what support and assistance as is possible, and just be there for the ones who have suffered the loss, in case by some happy and unexpecteed coincidence, one might be able to supply something that makes the pain somewhat more endurable.

You bet, Tim. And my body does end at the shoulders. It makes typing a bit of a challenge. If only I had a nose, I could type with a bit less difficulty. But hey, I've obviously found a way. (Haven't you seen me on Maury?)

Can you imagine how many more entries I could type if I only had hands?

i think that it will take a while get back to normal for the mother/father. grief doesn't end when a loved one dies, you just find better ways to hide it, covering it up in the back of the subconsious.

i slept right through it... seriously, like 20 hours straight. too many long nights catching up to timmy.

that was me looking for "ass poop scat". mmm... yummy...

The only resemblance that image has to the actual Jodi is that the actual Jodi really has no nose.

hey i know this has nothing to do with your post, but do you look anything like your little cartoon up and to the left? just wondering...

Haha..I love it! Well written Jodi, once again!

Amen, Jodi.

I find this show works much better in a small, private venue with a scaled-down cast. Some productions lose that je-ne-sais-quoi when translated into stadium proportions.

I had those two-inch long painted nails on women (and men for that matter).

Just what job are they still able to do with a handicap in place?

Most jobs these days involve some sort of typing, be it on a computer keyboard, or a cash register. How the hell do these people type?

The only non-typing jobs tend to be physical (child-minding, farming, armed forces) - all of which are going to involve handling stuff - so again, how the hell do these women do their job?

Finally, why do these women grow/attach these monstrosities on their hands? Is it to attract men? Just who the fuck do they think is attracted to someone who's hand look like the claws of a bird of prey?

"Staremaster"--very nice!

You know, those platitudes and bumper sticker slogans that people recite at such times -- they only comfort the sayer. The SAYER is the person who is looking for an easy answer, a quick way to resume his or her own life without being effected by the reality of the situation. To the person in grief, whether it is a broken love affair, the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job -- grief is a very personal matter. No one on the outside can know what the person is feeling, and no one on the outside can evaluate how the griever is moving through their grief "process."

I worked with a man who had just lost an infant child, and he told me that most marriages don't survive the loss of a child because the two people grief differently, and the quicker one thinks the slower one is taking too long, and the longer one thinks the quicker one isn't experiencing the same loss. It's a solitary journey for partners, too, even though it effects the relationship in a major way. [By the way, my friend and his wife made it -- but they made MANY changes to their relationship, it wasn't the same relationship or understanding they had before their son died at all.]

The good Reverend's comments were quite legitimate. I believe he was basing his calculations on F.G. Prince's seminal work, "Precise Time Tables of Processes Previously Thought Unpredictable in Duration."

Some other assertions from Dr. Prince's book:

- It takes exactly one month to to regain your sense of dignity after being caught eating multiple boxes of marshmallow peeps in one sitting. Add one week to the process if you were intentionally biting off the heads first.

- A restaurant patron upset about sub-par service will feel better precisely forty-two minutes after leaving a ten-percent tip.

- Give or take an hour, a youngest sibling's shame from being given his or her first wedgie by an older sibling will dissipate in eighteen years on the dot.

Dr. Prince was a revolutionary and an under-appreciated prodigy. He died today at the age of seven. The world will grieve his loss. For exactly one year.

Well said Jodi. Can't believe someone in Schullers' position could have said something so inane. It's one thing when people who don't know any better mouth platitudes...he DOES know better. I am guessing that the whole thing hit him very hard and he put his defenses up ... in the form of just not being present to what happened. He just didn't want to be there... and a platitude came out to take his place. Crummy sub.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.

Amanda: Although you are correct about sparing some people with the same aversion to feet, what about the other end of the spectrum? You are depriving foot-fetishists in your area a chance to see your "okay looking, not deformed, or gross" feet.

Me? I have seven toes on one foot, and six on the other. And I get pedicures all the time, just because these places don't have policies in effect to deal with people like me. That means that I get 13 toes for the price of 10, and I can't turn down a bargain.

Oh...and being compared to "J-Lo" in the "junk-in-the-trunk" category (NOT my phrase!) is a very favorable thing among many men. I certainly would not call someone who was a little Rubenesque a "pig" - unless, like the one in Jodi's story, they acted like one - swilling at the trough of RUDENESS!!!

(Okay, that one WAS my phrase.)

It's been 11 months since my beloved father died, suddenly and unnecessarily. I can state for a fact that you aren't "over it" in a year. Grieving is an ebb and flow process and different for everyone. And though it's devastating to lose a parent, it's against the natural order of things to lose your child. No-one should have to bury their baby. My heart aches for Samantha's mother.

People who assume that other people should be treated like machines make me angry.

I HATE toenails. Hate them. I once saw my grandfather clipping his, and it looked like a cashew. Fucking scarred me for life. Every time I see a can of mixed nuts, I gag ...

Ridiculous statement. I also don't like, "It's time to move on..." or "They're moving on..." All experiences, good or bad, effect your live. Statements like these trivialize and present a notion that our experiences are unlinked little packages that we move into and out of.

For any person, let alone a person of the cloth, to assign an abritrary deadline to grieve, is blasphemy!

Well said. :)

Scott, I share your platitude attitude. You know how people say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" Well, quite often when someone says something "nice", it's so bland and pre-packaged (like a laugh track) that I wish they wouldn't have said anything at all.

Meaningless platitudes annoy the shit out of me. If you can't say something that isn't a canned response/comment, don't say anything.

Listen up, folks. It's ridiculous to think that Jodi has any problems with pigs. As our web site clearly demonstrates, Jodi IS a pig.

Perfection, Jodi.

I don't think Jodi meant the "pig" in regards to a fat person. IF you read the entry again, you will see she was talking about someone with a "J-lo" type ass. I think she was merely talking as if "J-lo" was getting in someones way, and encrouching in someone elses space (Jodi's) and therefore making her a pig. I too am overweight, and I wasn't offended. That's just me though..I also thought Shallow Hal is one of the funniest movies of all time:)

Absolutely, DM, my dear friend. Why else would I offer donuts and cheese doodles!

Personally, I've always found the Jodiverse to be a weight-positive place.

Jodi,
::begin rant::
Let me tell you, I too have a problem with long nails. I keep mine tidy and trimmed. I paint them (myself, mostly, because of lack of funds, but oh how nice it would be to go to a nail salon!!) sometimes, and can't understand why anyone would want theirs to be so long. A friend of mine pointed some out to me once and said "Do you think she has a problem whiping her ass?" Really makes you think huh?

Toenails are gross too. I dont like feet, that is just how I am. I much more like winter when people wear closed shoes. What is it with these girls who wear flip flops all the damn time. I have okay looking feet, not deformed, or gross, but because I have a problem with feet, I would never wear those shoes. The reason? There is someone out there who thinks the same things I do, and why cause them to suffer?

The worst, is when you see someone who wears sandals and they have crusty heels, and broken toenails..its just...DISGUSTING! Please, can those people wear normal shoes? ::end rant::

Aaron Aaron Aaron ...

I am ashamed of you.

I mean ... bumper sticker?

I called this woman a "pig" not because she was/is heavy. I called her a pig because she was rude. I only mentioned the size of her ass as a way to describe her.

What a shame that you refer to overweight people, including yourself, as "pigs".

Don't put words in my mouth. Especially such distasteful ones. I assure you I can chew them up much faster, or spit them out much quicker, than you can feed them to me.

However, I do extend my apologies to actual pigs, of the porcine variety, for using them to describe a person's personality flaw.

and another thing, I'm overweight and I am very careful to not bump into people, I'm sorry the "pig" made all us other overweight people look bad today. One person, and it fucks us up for a year!

That's a pretty color too.

I remember the first time I got my nails done, I got them painted bright neon yellow.

I am wailing as I read this. I first saw this chick post her plea about a month ago on Craigslist, and sniggered to myself as I thought, "No one will be as daft as to go for this". I can't believe this Prada-princess is already getting $600 in play from all these twits with too much money to blow, when I have just as much debt as she does from paying my uni tuition by my own damn self.

quote: "Someone even sent me a mixed tape, how nice"

I want to mix her some sharp-nail soup. She *needs* to step away from behind that laptop and let me give her what for. Arrrggh!!!

Thank you for letting me vent there, Jodi. You cater to my needs. Sniff.

THIS iS BRILLIANT!

Finally, my days as a male escort are over !!

Jodi: Cool one. I've used that as part of my schtick for years. Inspired by our girl Shirl (that would be Shirley MacClaine (spelling? sorry)), who though quick to tell you of her past lives, was never a fruit-stand vendor in Paris in the odorous 1700s, or just a run-of-the-mill red-haired girl from Iowa with braids, an overbite and a library-assistant position (which I imagine is actually often an adventure). What's more, because she believes that one chooses her family members and that those individuals have thus been with you for centuries, those people were also princes, queens, happy, particularly sophisticated, beautiful geishas and rich poets. Her past lives, in turns out, are just another excuse/way to be self-aggrandizing.

speaking of seth... whatever happened to "greg the bunny?"

Seth Green is tiny? No way! He looks so large and instills so much fear on screen.

I didn't realize that I'd applied for that position. *shuffles through his documents* Hmm... have to get back to you on that one. ;)

And make sure you face the wall, Shawn.

How do you expect to be promoted to Professional Ass-Kisser when you've proven yourself to be nothing more than an amateur??? I'm surprised at you!

You got me. I have, in fact, failed to read the back issues of Jodiverse. I am ashamed. I shall now go and sit in the corner, meditating on the error of my ways. *sulking*

Obviously, Shawn, you haven't read a lot of my stuff. I'm disappointed in you.

Look:

here
and here
here
and here
here
and here
here
and here
here
and here
and here

You do realize, Jodi, that you just admitted, publicly, to watching Regis? Quick, go back and edit the post while there's still time!

If you're not Evil, does that mean you're in sympathy with W's War Against Evil-Doers?

Teach me to read the site when I'm at work and it's nuts-o.

You're not evil.

You're now a New Yorker. BIG difference, Miss Lawrence.

I want to put him in my pocket.

gee, if I could get 11,000 people to give me $1, I could pay my car off....hmmmm

You know...

Sometimes the collective opinion of others makes you question your own. Sort of the "10 Bazillion Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong" theory. Anyway, I got the joke the first time around...and was about to make a comment...and then I read the other comments...and I thought to myself...

"Geez...just because I lie about everything doesn't mean that everybody does..."

So I started questioning whether or not it was made up. Then the comments started pouring in.

"Surely she'd have said somethig by now..." I thought. It must be real. But it looks....

"...nah."

...No, that's definitely not a scanned image...

"...she probably recreated it, like Max suggested."

Pretty soon, I was not only questioning my own judgement in this matter, but all others as well.

I got me a "God Bless America" bumper sticker.

I watched me some MTV.

I went to the mall, bought some clothes (just like I saw on TV!), got me a haircut (not at the mall...) and ate at one of those chain restaraunts that looks like somebody took a pack-rat's garage and staple gun'ed it to the walls and ceiling. (I had a hamburger and fries)

And now...

And Now - Now that I have denounced all that I previously stood for, in the name of conformity - in the name of POPULAR OPINION....

....Now...

It turns out that I was RIGHT?!?!?!

Damn you, Jodi.

(*drinks some beer*)

Damn you.

You're NOT evil? Damn. You disappoint me.

geez.
Is that all it takes to get 600 bucks.
And to think, I was going to charge 29.95 to have people watch my fishes all day.

Damn. I was kind of hoping you were ...

On the way in to work this morning, a local (Denver) radio station was talking about her and her web site. Oy!

If her site was in blog format, I think I'd be OK with it all.

I realised it wasn't scanned, but I thought you'd recreated the actual post-it for our benefit. For all I know, you don't have a scanner!

I have my Sunday Stumpers....but those are about THOUGHTFUL things- like eyebrow tweezing, toenail painting, and GIFTS!

Now, I'm a nurse....and I hate vomit. I tend to be doing a lot of it myself these days (the chicken's way out of going to the gym with Jodi) and I will avoid a gingko tree like the plague for the same reason!

Well, the walls are appalled, the cat's been abducted......you just like fucking with us, don't you?

Sweetie, you are the funniest blogger (other than myself) that ever read. Tis why I return time and time again!

Jodi, I concur with the Renee Z. portrayal. That girl just irks me to no end.

What really bothers me is that this woman is getting anywhere with this. I think she really needs to have a Brazilian bikini wax while someone else wears her ultrachic sunglasses as they sip her lattes.

Whatever happened to debtor's prison? She'd be scrubbing toilets with her super nifty and VERY expensive designer toothbrush. Better still, let's take her well manicured hands and her special food needs, ship her off to Sally Struthers and the gang at the orphan network and see how she makes out there.

I'm feeling really mean today.....I can come up with all sorts of things....I envisioned death for two people in under 24 hours....I'm on a roll!

Thanks, Shawn. And ... uh ... people? Can I just say something? Ummm ... this was/is a joke. The joke was that the walls -- the walls within my own apartment -- were appalled at my "foul language".

Didn't you notice that the Post-It was computer drawn? Not scanned in? That I wrote it myself? Oy fucking vey iz mir.

For those who might be concerned for Jodi's safety and/or communal well-being, I've been sent from on high with a message: it was a joke, folks. :)

Jodi, I'm not really sure what exactly is going on here. But it's your blog, and you can bloody well say anything you want to say. Don't let some vapid, narrow-minded malcontent alter free speech! Strong women of the world, Unite! YAY JODI!

Aparently the hoochie has never heared of a budget. Who the hell needs a $400.00 pair of sunglasses. Hasn't she ever heard of knockoffs? JEEZ!!

Not only that, but she is asking for other people to pay off things that she has. You know what I say? Suffer. She made the choices, she should deal with them.

that is so fucking unbelievable. i can not beleive that they did not have the balls to sgn it. if it ain't signed, i don't hear, or see it!

obviously this person does not appreciate the beauty of the word fuck.

Yes, I burped.

I'd just like to say that i'd like to say that I hate that worthless godpuddle from the core of my soul.

K thx.

The man she's writing this to? Matt Lauer.

I haven't read anything this true and accurate since Bush took (literally) office! Sometimes i feel like these women must have been raised with a "clean plate club" approach to excretion.

I had a lovely experience this spring, however, at the Boston Beer Summit-- a line of 30+ men the whole afternoon, all cautiously eyeing the quick turn around in the women's room.

Oh, love the muching, crunching sound. We ooh and ahh an coo when Jazz and Ocho eat.

Wacky, ain't it?

Tess, brilliant!

And Jodi, you could take the calm, cool psycho approach. Simply write the word "redrum" on a post-it and slap it on the door.

That's surreal. This happened in New York City? I'm ashamed for my city . . .

400 dollars on sunglasses? Maybe I don't understand because I wear glasses and I can't have a vast sunglasses collection.

Max! What's going on! Just ten minutes ago you proposed to me in a comment to "The Walls Have Ears" ... and now I find out that you also have eyes for Ms. Squintée?

damn. I have new found love and adoration for you, now...

You leave Renée alone Jodi!

She's one of us now (British)... didn't you see Bridget Jones' Diary?

If I could just get her to stop fucking squinting for five fucking seconds, I'd look her straight in the eyes, and propose.

I'm not saying what I'd propose, but it would involve less than $1500 worth of coffee.

a) I can't BELIEVE these tossers would take such a cowardly approach. Perhaps they're afraid you might swear at them face-to-face.

b) I just LOVE Tess' idea about saying you've got Tourette's Syndrome. Can you do an Anne Heshe impression?

BTW, Jodi. We're now officially going steady. I've added you to my blog links section. I think it was the Stop Stalling article that finally convinced me to buy the ring.

And what kills me about the "bubbly" bitch is this, from the Post article: "... Hollywood has already come knocking - a major movie studio has contacted her about the rights to her story. And yes, she has a literary agent lined up too."

Gee, I wonder if Renée Zellweger is available! Teehee!

At about $4 per latte, that's 1.44 lattes per day for 52 5-day work weeks. It doesn't sound like many, when you put it like that, I guess. But stop being such a trendy bitch and buy a fucking $1.25 cup of coffee at Timothy's. It even comes in hazelnut.

What absolutely kills me is that she actually has morons giving her money. I guarantee some desperate mother putting up a site like this to pay for hospital bills for a dying child would never get 600 bucks.

Put a post-it back on their door saying, "You know... it's not easy having Tourette's and people like you just make it that much harder. It's a disease FUCKWAD... and it even affects me in GODDAMN writing. I can't FUCKING help it, so please, think about supporting our local Tourette's charity so that I can get some MOTHERFUCKING help."

She has balls the size of Texas....

I am in debt too ( who isn't??) due to the fact that life hates me. Can I get a buck?? Anyone? Anyone?

*snicker*

Quite pathetic, indeed.

That bimbette spent $1500 on lattes? For God's sake, she ought to be forced to do community service in a soup kitchen until every last one of those fake fingernails gets ground into dust. Pardon me while I *retch*

Unsigned is unheeded. (BTW, I'd kill for handwriting that legible.)

LOL!

Flat-ass duck-heads!

What kind of f@#$-ass, d@#k-heads are they anyhow? :)

Dear Jodi,

I wish you'd written me privately on this.

Frankly, I've been aware of my little problem for quite some time, and it gets worse every day. I've tried thunderstorms, I've tried street-sweepers, I rely on garbage collection twice weekly, but still, the smell won't go away.

I think something must have died inside me. I don't mean this in a figurative, emotional sense - I mean I think a rat or something must've bit the dust somewhere right under the ol' pavement. Frankly, I'm scared to look.

Please don't give up on me - I'll pull through this one. All I need is a little patience and understanding. I love you, Jodi. Don't leave me, baby.

Yours forever,

I am honoured. And WTF is a gingko tree? ;)

You have a cute signature.

I hate those scheduled quizzes too. I remember when the Friday Five was down for two or three weeks a couple of months back everyone had nervous breakdowns about it. I used to do enjoy doing them until then, though.

Talking of using the Men's room, my best friend from childhood onwards (a woman), often used to use the Gents (as we call it in England) in nightclubs, when there was a queue (line) out of the Ladies, and almost back to the dancefloor.

In the particular club I'm thinking of, the Gents consisted of a row of cubicles with doors on one side, and a 'trough' style urinal on the other.

The trough was always 'shoulder-to-shoulder' busy, and Jo used to walk right past all those guys without out a care in the world, and use one of the cubicles. In all those years, she hardly got any comments from the men, most of whom were fairly drunk, except for the occasional hello.

She got more comments from the (dumb) women, in the queue for the Ladies, who'd seen her sail by, do the bizz, and come back out, whilst they'd not moved.

The general gist of the comments were, "I wish I'd thought of that.". And on occassion, this then started a mass of females invading the Gents!

Can I borrow a square? What?! You can't spare a square? What about a ply? ...Sorry, that stupid Seinfeld epsiode is now crawling through my brain. I can't stand slow-shitters. Or whatever they're doing in there. I've seen them coming out of stalls in wallyworld with paperback NOVELS! Like they were there for the long haul.

Whatever they're doing in there, it's messy, because girls are pigs. Women's rooms are almost always more disgusting than men's rooms. I won't even go into detail, but I've seen red, yellow, or brown spread in places I can't even imagine the positions necessary to get to.

However, I can point to a number of Carrie/Miranda/Samantha/Charlottes, if only by attitude.

Oh, I do use the men's room, any time I can get away with it. But only if it's a one-room setup. I don't want no guy checkin' out my dick or nothin'.

I frequently get commented on my speed-toileting. What do people DO in there? No wait, don't tell me.

That was beautiful, Jodi. I have less than no idea what the hell these women are doing in there. I have discovered one thing: If you're in a bar and there's a ridiculously long line, it's most likely because some fucking ditz had a few too many and is passed out face-down on the toilet seat being comforted by twelve to fifteen of her friends. This can go on for as long as half an hour, so if you ever find yourself in this situation, here's a little piece of advice that my grandmother passed down to me ... "Bubeleh, nobody gives a shit if you use the men's room."

I never understood why it took girls so long in the bathroom either. I AM a girl, and its irritating to me, just like you. Its like..who would want to hang around in the small stall for more than what they need to do. Get in and get out. No use in staying around..what..so you can read the toilet paper?

About the cell phones. I had that experience once. I and another lady were the only ones in the bathroom. Her cell phone rang, and she picked it up and started talking. Thats bad! When Im on the cell phone, in public, I try to talk quietly and discreetly. This lady was not only talking loud, but about some things I would never disclose in public. Some people are just odd:)

Yet again, you've hit the nail on the head!

I remember being at work, on the loo (can you hear my English accent from here?) when this guy came in to the Men's washroom, talking. He continued talking as he sat down for a crap.
I'd assumed that he was talking to someone else who'd entered the bathroom at the same time, but I eventually realised, he was having a business phone call, whilst unzipping, sitting, straining and launching the SS Turd.

God knows what the person on the other end thought of, "Yeah, well, I'll have to get back to you on (nnnnnnngh).... that (splosh)".

The mens room zone of silence is a well cherished tradition. Violators are subjected to social ostricization and swirlies.

Back in college, I was at the computer lab at 2am. The cleaning lady came in, and while I was mid-crap, she decided it was a good idea to strike up a conversation. She stuck around for the "paperwork" and even during the hand washing. I was quite mortified. Later, an acquaintance of mine mention he had a similar situation with the same cleaning lady, but having no scruples, he decided to see how "far" he could get with this friendly lady. It turns out, it was exactly what this 50-something woman was looking for. I still get queasy thinking about the whole thing...

And please, for God sake, do NOT use your cell phone while you are peeing!!!!

I'm happy you brought up the 'borrow' thing. I once made the mistake by asking someone if I could borrow their wite-out, and they got all over me for it.

*can only rise to his feet and applaud* I'm simply... speechless.

Adam: Thanks for coming!

I got here via a Google search for "hot+chipmunks+shaved+cum." So I guess my question is.... uh, where are the chipmunks?

Then I withdraw my question completely. If I'll come away not knowing one more thing about you than I do already, I'll not care to play. Phhht!!

:)

Tess: Don't worry your pretty little head! Your question is one that I deem worthy of an answer. However, if you're looking for a serious, soul-searching response, written with furrowed brow a la Harrison Ford, you may want to reconsider your question and ask me something more along the lines of what Thomas asked. Because that's about as deep as I'm going to go.

Chris and Aaron: You both knows me so well! I'd suggest a group hug, but given that they make me bleed from the ears, I'm going to have to retract that suggestion before even making it.

Thomas: You were just given something the kids these days call "props", in my comment to Tess. (I don't want you to feel left out.)

I have Jodi's nose!

(*makes a fist, holding his thumb between his forefinger and middle finger.*)

Why did your nose leave you and where is it now?

I still want to know;

A) Growing up, what was your favorite cereal?

B) What is your favorite cereal now?

This question holds the key to your innermost Jodi. (No, not like some chastity belt that if I knew how to open I'd be mentally raping you or something. It's more like knowing the REAL you. That is unless you liked Alphabits. Then I'd have to leave forever.)

Ok, so I take it you didn't like my funeral question. Personally, if I can't find out more about you and your psyche, I'm just not going to be interested in your made up responses to flippant questions; that kind of entertainment I can find in the comic section of the newspaper. Phhfft!!

:)(Hahahahaha)

I really, really think you should answer my funeral question!! Please??

I find it disturbing that a significant portion of NYers want the towers rebuilt, as if it will make them feel whole again.

We should all carry a small piece of suffering inside us for what happened that day -- just as the victims' families must.

And if you're a skank, it's a beast on the thighs.

I like to watch it, but I sure don't believe it. That's what irritates me about it, that people around the country have this idea that Sex and the City is an accurate representation of what it's like to be single in NYC. Uhm, no. The only people who dress like that are Sex and the City wannabes. Most women here are not that easy. Fleet Week is an event, to be sure, but it's mainly a feast for the eyes. Unless you're a total skank.

Pump up the volume on your stereo! A Flock of Seagulls, Bronski Beat ... That will teach those thoughtless Buddhist’s a thing ar two.

::shrug:: I find the show amusing. Then again, given where I work, I see folks like this all the time, so I'm used to the attitude, etc. In some ways, it's very accurate on how it portrays certain lifestyles in the city.

I weep for my demographic.

Of course I will. You're the high priestess of St. Fu.

I've only seen the show a few times, but each time it was hilarious. I'm much more of a "turn off the TV/Computer and interact with people" kinda guy. (Well, actually it was just my wife and I, and a gentlemen never details his marital responsibilities in public.)

It sounds like you're left with good mammaries of the experience. If I lived in the areola, I'd bounce by watch with you. If you were offering alcohol, I may have a nip. But as a tea-titlar, I'd probably choose milk first.

You may think I've gone for the jug-ular with this post, but I say, "Brah-humbug!" It's my only one this weekend, I figured tits about time.

Tit just ended.

1) Tits ahoy, oh boy, Samantha.
2) Stunt tits, Miranda?
3) Et(i)tu, Charlotte?
4) Hairdon't, Carrie.

Was that really your breast effort, ladies?

And I'm hating life, as a result.

I'm uhhh ... watching the premiere as I type. heh

I was initially disgusted by the wannabes, but then I looked at the photo caption. She's hosting a season premiere party. Well, the premiere is tonight and the pic was taken Friday. So either they're having a three day party, or they have a time machine. Either way, I'm impressed.

One word: pathetic. Ok, a few more words. Of all the shows to model ones life after....good god.

Chris, you can use it as long as you give me attribution, all right? Remember, I know where you live.

By the law of averages, in a previous life, I was .... always on time.

HA! Jodi. I have thought this so many times. Everyone has an awesome past life.

I was definitely famous. And rich. And gorgeous. Feh. Just kidding. I was probably a little toadie or a eunech or something totally unimpressive.

Ok, this is freaky... and probably sad. Kelly and I,each on our own computers, unaware of what the other was doing, just posted comments (above) with the same time stamp. Spooooooooky. I guess we were channeling Jodi.

Oh Jodi, yet again you've hit the nail on the head! I can't stand noisy neighbours either.

I live in a narrow turn-of-the-century street where the houses are very close together.
There are a couple of young guys next door to me, (thankfully their's is a double-lot, with a a house-width between us) who seem to have all their loud friends round, all-day, and all night, whenever there is a sporting event on (5 days a week in Denver it seems).

If it's not sports, it's that particular kind of dance music I define as, "music to build sheds by".

And then, around 3 or 4am, it's the "let's see how long it takes us to get our oversized, badly-maintained, penis-substitute pickup trucks started" competition.

Kelly and I, in fact, have a small altar to St. Fu in a corner of our home. All hail St. Fu, patron saint of silence.

Ommmmmmmm.

Ommmmmmmm.

Just kidding. Sundays are for sleep-ins and slugfests. Screw a bunch of yoga.

Kim's right - we talk about this all the time. Unfortunately, in the pagan scene, you run into flakes all over the place. Everyone was royalty in Atlantis, for instance.

When I asked someone how it was so that everyone was, she replied, "We were so advanced that we had no need for servants."

I nearly died with laughter on that one. As someone once told me, to prove you were royalty in Atlantic, look at your palm. Go on, everyone do that now.

See how the lines on your palm make a big "M"? That means you were royalty.

Of course, everyone has that "M" on their palm. Ergo, you were a prince or princess!

I used to joke to these people that my spirit guide was named Argh-Thunk. He'd been a spear carrier in Atlantis, and that's the sounds made when he died . . .

St. Fu? Perfect. I'll be stealing that one.

When I was 14, I thought maybe I was someone (man or woman) in an earlier life who was about to get married, but died before the wedding. I don't know what brought on this. I was obessed with marriage and weddings that year, like I said before, I don't know what brought it on.

Patchouli is an acquired taste, but most people acquire the taste too strongly and wear too much. It's really nice in blends and works well as a base note for most scents. It really shines when you pair it with unexpected scents like grapefruit. I'm a soapmaker. This is what I do.

And if you remove the "ing" from descending and replace it with "ed," you'll have what I would have said if I wasn't an illiterate sod.

This is a semi-regular topic around here, and it's so true. You also get the people who were burned as witches during the Inquisition, were royalty in Atlantis, or are descending from the aliens who originally populated the Earth.

Me? I was a mosquito in my last life. Whiny and irritating. Oh, wait. That's this life.

Hey! I just crawled out of my bed from between 2 supermodels! (ok, ok.. my wife and dog)

The only interesting email I got this morning was for female viagra. Oh wait, and I "won a free password for Internet porn."

Beyond Patchouli, strong perfumes and colognes (in particular the bad ones) should be banned from public places and mass transit. Sitting on Metro North for an hour getting whiffs of someone else's idea of a pleasant scent ... can be quite painful. More often than not, I got to work with a raging migraine.

Perfume/cologne wearers apparently have not learned the art of being subtle.

Well, if I did have a past life, then I must have been the village idiot. Why else would I have come back for another go'round.

Either that or I was tricked by Merlin into believing that it gets better each time. In which case I really don't want to know what it was like the last time.

It's simple really. Most people find it hard to remember what they did yesterday, let alone what they did in their past life. And so, it is only those who had a really interesting past life that can actually remember it. Oh hum

I thought of you today when Dancing Queen came over the PA system at work. ABBA was, and is, far too big in New Zealand. I heard Fernando as well. But it's not the 80's without Olivia Newton John. "Lets get physical, physical, I wanna get physicaaaaaal." Such meaninful lyrics...

I just love the ones that tell me how to increase my penis size. Now, if only I could find a bloke to test that out for me...

For the same reason that, were you to visit every Catholic Church that had a reliquary, you would probably find enough pieces of the True Cross to reforest Michigan.

Everyone wants to think that they're a special snowflake, even if they can't remember it because it happened, you know, a couple hundred and/or thousand years ago.

Me, I'm perfectly happy to think that if reincarnation is the straight dope, that I was Roman Soldier #5,414 in the credits.

Or would that be MMMMMCCCXIV?

What's wrong with being from Flatbush, huh? And the wife doesn't seem to mind being Mrs. Plotnick.

Well, I was Cindy, and let me tell you, the woman's a raging bitch. Never holds the door for people, never gives change to homeless guys, lousy tipper. Feh.

It's always so much worse this time of year. I think the melted brains of the people who write this shit that's sent out goes into hyperwarpspeed between May and September. UGH

I don't like, uh, "double duty" (in order to enjoy the hilarious pun, you must substitute the appropriate homophone for the second word in that phrase).

Kelly and Jodi have more cooperative bowels than some... hehehehehe...

I heard somewhere that, if you eat while standing up, the calories don't stay in you.

Keith: I'm not exactly crazy about "jimmies" because it reminds me of Jimmy "J.J." Walker, but "sprinkles" is worse because it reminds me of handwritten signs in ladies rooms that read, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat."

But I'd rather say "jimmies" than "little artifically-colored sugar bits that are going to get stuck between my teeth and make me look like a retard".

Kelly & Jodi:

Can't stand input and output in sequentially chained tasks? I thought everyone was supposed to be into multi-tasking these days.

As a person who wishes he could draw but can't and holds the hopeless dream that technology will somehow make up for his immense lack of talent, how do you do your drawings? In Flash, Illustrator, hand drawn then scanned? I need to know so I can fail another way.

I worked (wait -- that's not the funny part!) with a couple of guys who reviewed briefs in the men's room, while their own were around their ankles. Charming, isn't it?

No, no, no. Tess: I strictly forbid you from reading *anything* while in the loo. Nuh uh. I have the same reaction to Jodi when I see magazines or, even worse, BOOKS. Hell no. Get in and get out as fast as you can, that's my approach.

I am *so* with you on Patchouli!!

The Chinese spoken word thing is so true. Kelly and I have a twisted little running joke that anytime we see a Chinese restaurant or something we say the words in this angry, combative Enter The Dragon tone. Guess you have to be there to get it. ;)

Keeps the perpetual flow going. Something coming in to be processed. something already processed going out.

Oh, and by the way... because I loathe being idle without stimulation, I read in the bathroom. All the time. I'm always learning... even in the john... :)

Jodi, you need a digital recorder. I'm telling you, you need it. Buy one. Now. Here's how I use mine:
http://www.tessrants.com/blog/weblog/archives/000034.html

Thanks for the link Jodi. I like it alot as well. I also liked the towers of light that was a temporary memorial. What happened is so hard to fathom ... it is hard to find words to say that have any meaning and not sound trivial. I do think that a physical memorial and one that can show the reality in size and scale will help many of us in ways we just cannot describe. I was talking to my sister today about the power of silence. This memorial speaks to me of the silence and ... words seem so inadequate.

Thanks for the doughnuts. I'll take 2 dunkin doughnuts - bavarian creme :)
Be Well..

They say there's going to be a period of public input, but I'm not sure what form that input will take. "Town meetings" in individual neighborhoods were something Guiliani liked to do, so it may be that Bloomburg will use that format.

I have seen that before and I had the same reaction - I like it a lot.

Who is going to have a say in what kind of monument and/or rebuilding goes in at ground zero? It seems like all New Yorkers should get a say, but is that logistically impossible? I would hate to think that a handful of businessmen and politicians would make that decision ... hopefully that won't happen.

How about some Human League?

"Don't you want me baby?"

Miss Lawrence's Delivery Service; wasn't that an anime?

Cool, indeed, but I'm with Kim -- they'd end up being commercialized.

Eyre, darling, I meant "lightning", of course, and I know that's what turned you on. Or maybe you got all excited at the mention of lightening, which is the misspelling you saw when you read this entry.

In my next life, I'm coming back as a FABULOUS gay man.

"YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEEEEEN! YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEN!!!!!"

*maniacal white-girl flailing*

Damn, you know how to turn a girl on. You vixen, you. Reer!

They are SPRINKLES, dammit, not jimmies!

It's a beautiful idea. I have this awful picture of them becoming crass, commercial nightmares, though. Lined with amusements and games of chance. Pessimistic? Yep.

Now I have Abba stuck in my head. Bitch.

I like the new look!

I have a few things that need picking up as well...are you going to start a new service?

Thanks for that link.

ohh yeah, it started raining and pouring and thundering right when my favorite show came on (the daily show, of course) and the direct tv went out (like it always does when it rains)

I throw these out as LP's with all gems.

1. Rumours - Fleetwood Mac

2. Bat Out of Hell - Meatloaf

What do you expect from a guy with a URL like mine!

Jodi, YAY! Maybe the rain will cool things off a bit for you. Feels like a sauna here. Absolutely oppressive, I tell you.

Tess, did you twist violently to The Beatles' version or the Isleys Brothers'? Just curious.

I would PAY to see you twisting violently ... flailing wildly and thrashing all around like the dervish you are!

I was twisting so violently I think I pulled something!

Kelly, it's on its way!

Oh, all right.

Aaron, this is for you!

Bronski Beat?

BRONSKI BEAT???

*laughs maniacally*

You've got to send me that mp3 so I can laugh my ass off while I bop around my office to BB.

Not if it's my site I don't!

With all due respect to the Isleys, I do love their version. But this is the one that "got me goin' now" today.

Oh, come ON!!!

You have to go with the Isley Brothers' version if you're going to use this song!!

*shakes his head slowly*

Jodi,

Tanks! I couldn't have gun it without you! I feel like a big shot. I hoped I hadn't rifled through your archives for nothing, otherwise I would have been pistol.

Jess,

The pun mafia is nothing to joke about. They'll gag you, and double you over until your sides split. You'll end up with a broken funny bone and your ass off. Don't resist the urge to roll on the floor, it's the best medicine.

WOW. I respectfully back off. This is way out of the pun police's league. The pun mafia, perhaps?

Thomas, I daresay you've outpun yourself.

No, not the Pun Police! That's cruel and unusual PUNishment. She may end up in a Federal PUNitentary!

We could prove that her condition is medical, but then the docks would be forced to give testimony before a jury of her piers, and shorely that can be avoided!

Hay! She could run away and end up being on the lamb, but that's a baaaaad idea. I won't milk it for any more gags. Mooooving on;

I suspect she'll come out on top though, riding this to the very end. She'll dominate the courtroom with her style leather or not they like it. They'll be fit to be tied and this will be another feather in her cap.

1. Got to get up early for church tomorrow.
2. Is my lipstick OK?
3. Then, this one time I was in band camp ...
4. Sure, I'd love to ride topless with Dykes on Bikes.
5. I'll have just a salad, please.
6. I'd love a chablis.
7. Gotta light?
8. Here's my number.
9. I'd do him.
10. Lay down and shut up. (actually... i think I might have said this once...)

Jodi,

I'm surprised that while you wanted the men to steer clear from the "pearl necklace", you didn't warn to not reference how a guy could "glaze your donut" (sic).

Which reminds me of a joke;

A walrus was in getting his tire replaced. He was in the lobby eating powdered doughnuts. Having flippers, he made a mess of himself. The mechanic came in and told him, "Mr. Walrus, it looks like you blew a seal." The walrus said, "No, it's just powdered sugar..."

Thank you folks, remember to tip your wait-staff!

Jodi, after repeated offenses, I'm sending the pun police after you. You'll thank me someday.

I've been drawn to breasts. Also, when zippered shirts were the rage with the kids, I saw many "fly's" drawn between breasts.

Breasts coated with honey, and said honey is not promply consumed off them, do draw flies.

And if Don is looking to attract-draw breasts to him, I'd suggest he go to posh clubs and talk about his expensive cars and how much money he has in his trust fund. Breasts should be jiggling by mere moments afterwards, although they probably will be filled with more substance than the heads they're attached to.

Rick, those aren't names of racers. Racing has names like Schumacher, Prost, Frenzen, Fisichella, Barrichello.... need i continue? No? Okay then.

All I ask is that no one dunks their donut into a coffee, leaving little cakelike crumbs swimming along the brim of their mug. Ewwwwww!!

With my nose.

Jodi:

I appreciciate your concern about everyone's cleanliness but, if they are simply sitting out in the open air, can they really be considered sanitary napkins?

I feel down deep I should be ashamed, but I'm not!

Some breasts, like those attached to people who have no acquaintance with soap, could possibly draw flies. And there are, no doubt, a few flies who can draw breasts, given a half-decent set of implements.

mmmm donuts.. hey, are they kosher?

uh... where's your other eyebrow?

except for the necklace

very gym

Please insert "was" between "admittedly" and "thinking" in my initial sentence.

Sorry, I must have been carried away by the emotion of the moment.

My curiousity was piqued when I saw the title "How to Draw Breasts", as I admittedly thinking more in terms of drawing as in "drawing (attracting) flies". Despite some disappointment, I suppose that I have benefitted from the exposure to certain laws and principles of biology, female anatomy and physics.

Incidentally, please note that, effective with this comment I have chosen to eliminate the prefix "The Real" from my name. Jodiverse was the only place I was using it, and I don't recall encountering comments by my nominal doppelganger since that first time, so I hope it has become unnecessary. Should additional "Don"s appear, I may resume. I hope that this will eliminate confusion. BooBoo and others who know me well fully appreciate that I do not like to draw unnecessary attention to myself.

Humbly yours,

Don

1. Thank you, Miss Cleo!

2. It's the curse of the Bambino!

3. Back when I was in New Haven...

4. Let's see...yes, I DO have exact change!

5. Get OUT! My cat does the exact same thing!

5. I think this whole Arthur Anderson thing was blown way out of proportion.

6. Fat? Fat?? Honey...they make you look like a HOUSE!

7. So...what do you think of my new [American car name]?

8. I'll have the Gardenburger please

9. Leno was hilarious last night!

10. The other day at Duomo...

11. Hot enough for ya?

12. This IS fresh-tasting tuna!

13. Fill it with Premium please!

14. And the lady will have...

15. Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

16. You sure gotta admire those bright, idealistic kids from PETA!

Omg, just looking at them makes me feel like I am gaining wait.

Quick! Look! I think my ass just got bigger!

Krispie Kreme. Just the thought of a warm glazed melting in my mouth is enough to get to right to the edge. Forget feeding me grapes, just bite sized pieces of a warm glazed donut is what this chicky-poo wants. And since I won't feed myself, someone else has to do it. LOL

*mrfmmphhhrmmpphh*

Huh? Ohhh.

Thomas, I look people in the eye when I'm talking to them AND when they talk to me. Vice-versa and Versa-vice. Two-way street. Look both ways before crossing.

Kim: Absolutely. We all know that not everyone washes his or her hands after using the rest room.

Tess: Eat to your heart's content! (P.S. The chocolate ones have NO CALORIES or "points"!)

Thomas: I'm glad to see you used the the good old-fashioned spelling. I prefer it as well. (Obviously my fun pun wouldn't've worked with the preferred spelling, though, so ...)

I walked for two miles in the snow to get these things for these kidz, so they'd better appreciate it.

No, no, no... It's normal to look at someone in the eye when you're talking TO THEM. It's very disconcerning (for them) to look them in the eye when they're talking TO YOU. Not a glance either, but right in their eye, like you're seeing what their brain is thinking before they say it.

And Jodi, it's not entirely impolite for a woman to stare at another woman's jugs when talking. But if you find what you saying is muffled because your speaking directly into her clevage, then you may want to look up once in a while.

Doughnuts?!? You should be so lucky to have doughnuts. When I was growing up, all we had were crumbs! Crumbs, I tell you! Maybe we didn't have your cardio-vascurio-mumbo-jumbo, fitness programs and what-not, but we worked hard like dogs to give you kids what you have. We were lucky to have a slice of grease and onion on a bagel! And that was for dinner! Oy, what a life!

Jodi, can I have the donuts you couldn't be paid to eat??? Just the chocolate cake, please. The jelly filled are fattening, or so I hear...

Aaron: I wouldn't eat a donut if you paid me. I'm just trying to make everyone else happy. Because you know me: I'm a real people-pleaser.

I, too, always look people in the eye when I talk to them. It's people who don't look me in the eye who unnerve me. What are they hiding? Why can't they look me in the eye?

And don't stick your fingers into the box to grab one. Use a napkin, please.

uggggh.

I heard somewhere that doughnuts can take up to two weeks to fully digest.

Yum!

And fellas, if you make a comment about giving me a "pearl necklace", I'll personally see to it that you lose the ability to ever, uh, manufacture one.

Oh, and by the way, Thomas, the dental description is fantastic. Truly gag-worthy!

I always look people right in the eye when I talk to them. Unless, of course, the person has a choker or a cameo around her neck. If she does, I make a point of not looking at the jewelry, and just focus on her jugs instead.

No cameo to wear around such a lovely neck? Or a choker, maybe. Some bauble that directs men's attention from the breast area and back up to the mouth that's talking.

Also, if you ever want to un-nerve someone, look them right in the eye when they're talking to you. or pick a spot in the center of their forehead and look at it. (I found this out during a protracted discussion with a guy in my office, and I couldn't look at his mouth. His dental structure look like dirty icebergs piercing gray/pink pudding.)

I love #20. It's one of those dumb things that so many people say.

My list would include...

1. Yes, I'd love to watch the game .
2. The Fox network has hit another intellectual high
3. "That 70's Show" makes me laugh
4. So how much did the new baby weigh?
5. I love those "My child is an honor student at..." stickers.

Keith:

Where's the danishes & knishes at? Spare a fellow tribesman some deli!

This is what I dont understand...
She buys Prada, Gucci, and the like.
She thinks Oil Of Olay is cheap
She spends her money at Old Navy.

If she really needed the money she would sell all the designer crap (which she is), buy NYC or Wet N Wild Makeup, and buy her clothes at Target or the like.

I have no money, alot of credit card bills, and living on my own, but you know what, I make do with what I can, and dont ask for money. This is riduculous. Granted, I give her credit because she can..(oh wait, she already has enough of that:)) do this, and I probably wouldnt get a cent becuase Im not "cute" but SHE got herself into all the debt, SHE should get herself out of it. But..thats just my opinion:)

That's OK, Rick. I'm used to harassment.

Today at the Pilates studio one of the chicks who works there was wearing a heavy black turtleneck. I asked her why she would wear something like that in this weather. She told me it was because she had to sit next to an air conditioning vent in the studio. She also said, "It doesn't bother me. I have the power to not be affected by the heat," and then, moments later, went outside to pretend to look at something on the sidewalk, just to prove her point, as if I should be impressed. I wanted to lock the door and test the staying power of this wonder woman's superpower. Please.

Jodi, I love your site. I LOVE the comment you left onmy site. Thank you ! You made me feel so much better!

It's about time. You were making me hot just looking at you....hmmmm, that somehow didn't come out right. :)

Everybody check out Aaron's comment above. He's crying out for help, seeking self affirmation, trying to inflate his delusions of adequacy. Look up his Excursus post on his site meter and its comments on 7/17.

We all owe it to Aaron to give him our utmost support. Go to Ecursus and look up the post. Click on the Educational Experience link. Click on the Fun Link link in the margin. Do it all again. Do it a lot! Sooner or later we will help him to boost his delusions of adequacy. And think of how much fun it'll be!

We're all behind you in this, Aaron!

;-)

Re: #12

Demon read that over my shoulder and he's very put out. He thinks you mean it, and no amount of explaining will set him straight once he's in this mood. Thanks a lot for ensuring I'm going to have an evening soothing ruffled feline fur. Hmph.

She would never dream of sharing anyone's dessert but her husband's or mother's. People get very possessive of desserts.

Oh, Jodi. I always knew you were my soulmate! Winter rules. Summer? You can keep it.

Oh, Thomas, I could spend the next 20 minutes of my life responding to your comments here, but I have dinner to cook and dishes to wash, and a baby to drop on the ground! I will, however, tell you why I won't say "PIN number". I feel I owe you that much, given the quality of your comments.

I don't/won't say "PIN number" because it's redundant. "Personal Identification Number number" is just ... stupid. And dumb. (Not to be redundant or anything ...)

Here goes.

1) DisneyWORLD is so much better.
2) You got something against intimacy, Lady? (LAAAY-dee)
3) Agreed
4) You got something against dairy products, Lady? (LAAAY-dee)
5) If you are the least bit bisexual, you have to play softball. It's a law or something.
6) It would be nice to have some help now and then. It wouldn't kill you to at least rub a rag over them after I worked my fingers into prunes, ya know.
7) Car races are all about the horrendous crashes.
8) As opposed to Springer-esque, slapfests?
9) What? I spend all this money for a lovely dinner and I can't sample a bite of your dessert? God forbid I be a meshuguna and deny you as much of my own creme brulee as you want.
10) Agreed
11) Babies are like hand grenades; If someone throws one at you, just bat it down to the ground to see if it's "loaded".
12) Agreed
13) No, No! I had a bagel last Thursday. Of COURSE I'm happy to pass up a food court so we can look for MORE shoes. Who cares about the man that's wasting away to nothingness over here.
14) Oh, Ms. Bigshot has such a busy schedule that I can't come over and see my little Bubila without checking her "people" first.
15) Agreed
16) When you make a hundred pictures and get paid 10 million per, then maybe you should be making the funny comments about the movie lady. (LAAAY-dee)
17) Agreed
18) Don't the doctors wash the babies nowadays? Why do they need showers?
19) Perhaps you'd rather stay alone on the day of love? How are you gonna marry a rich doctor with an attitude like that?
20) I'll bite. Why would THIS never be said?
21) It's well known that the romance languages are derived from Latin. It was the Roman slaves' way of trying to communicate with their masters. The Romans just smiled and patted their servants on the head and accepted the bastardization of their language. Certain words I cannot abide being mispronounced (warsh for wash, IN-surance for in-SURE-ance, etc.)
22) I'll agree with you on this one, but you never take me anywhere anymore...
23) Agreed
24) See #4
25) I think many men who visit this site would appreciate you being hot, steamy and moist to the touch. Probably many of the women as well.

Ahh, but some of the subways have newfangled trains. The #6, for instance, has the new super-computer cars, with subzero a/c. Mmmmmm.

The only complaint people really have about them is that the polite pre-recorded voices aren't done with a New York accent.

The Hamptons are =so= passé nowadays.

"Order in? Are you crazy?"

Spoken like a true New Yorker.

OK, I used to love the NYC Subway, and talked it up as the model all mass transportation should be based upon. I even loved hanging around in the stations late at night all alone. Now the images of sweaty armpits has forever cursed my good NYC subway experiences.

Jones Soda? It's pretty good, for people who like soda.

ooh, now i'm going to have to go through a grace period and then post mine. you know how i love the lists! very clever girls, tess and jodi. strangely enough, i hate those friday five lists. i'm just an enigma wrapped in a tortilla.

Joan: If that was "bad", then most of the people responsible for leaving comments here should be subjected to something much more offensive than a mere malodorous man-pit!

Ah. Well, that means I have to differ with you about three of them, not two. Oh well.

#7 - Ah come on now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a sport that has names like DeeDubYa, Rusty, Jr., Hermie, Buckshot, Jimmie, Ricky, Bobby, Hut and Dick Trickle. I know you can be a "good ol' boy" Jodi if you just gave it a chance. :)

Aaron: #10

I'll watch from the sidelines. As long as I have a pretty glass filled with an icy Clamato Fizz, I'm happy.

Ugh. Jodi, that was bad. You should be subjected to smelly hairy armpit man for that one.

It's funny. Zach Galifianakis had a list of those that he once used in his stand up act. Among them, "Oh, fresh milk!" There's so much to be said about things you'd never hear us say. We all have a list. We do! Some of us just subject our families and friends to that list whether they wanna know or not. That's basically what I do. And, they have no choice but to sit and listen. I love a captive audience. Ropes are good.

#10.....how would you pronounce that?

And I guess this means that you won't be all excited about my Blog All-Stars Softball Team idea...

Kim: The company was great ... especially since she laughed at my stupid jokes and didn't even try to share my dessert!

Christine, darling: I will vacation at your country house. I'll supply the Combos if you supply the Scrabble.

Oh, come on Jodi. Suck it up.

Literally.

Just stick your head into people's armpits, and take a big sniff.

Put those toes...up your nose!!

Embrace the vile disgustingness of humanity like it was a tofu pup and a bowl of Vanilla Almond Bark flavor Tofutti. And then you can go home, enjoy yourself a Clam Chodwer Smoothie and say to yourself :

"Wow. I sure do smell nice compared to those people."

It's all about the self-affirmation, people.

Note to self: do not read Jodiverse immediately following a meal. ;)

If you had a summer place like a decent New Yorker, you'd enjoy the summer.
Hamptons, anyone?

Such calamity over clams! Everyone, calm down and clam up! Clamato is clamtastic!

OK you clam people are strange. Liquid clam foodstuff?! Yucky.

But at least the company was good. Maybe?

Rhonda:

Nothing like the "pond" on a hog farm, is there?

Jodi, you paint a pretty "rancid" picture of urban life, as it pertains to odoriferous eminations. However, I must advise you there is a much more "Pungent" offense going on here in the Midwest. It's called Farmer Jones comes to town. This occurs when said Mr.Jones drives his pickup truck to town to get some lunch. Now, most of us with reasonable sensibilities would take time to freshen up a bit. That is however, not the case with Mr. Jones. He comes in straight off the farm with every known livestock smell known to man. Overalls and rubber boots still wet from calving and milking, not to mention cleaning out the hog stalls.
I'm sitting innocently, at one of my favorite pizza places, waiting for a friend, hoping my arid extra dry is still effective, when Mr. Jones walks in and parks himself and his boots at the table next to mine. I need not worry about my deodorant. Suddenly, I am no longer hungry. My friend walks in and instantly is ready to leave. I suggest a slurpie and a walk in the park. At least the breeze is blowing.

Yep. My idea of outside fun in the summer is heading out the backdoor into the sanctuary of our large, fenced-in backyard. Lounging on the hammock. Digging around in the garden. Playing with and photographing the puppies. THAT is outdoor fun. :)

you're welcome.

Okay, see, now you're reminding me of this waste of life who used to come into my bar and order Bloody Caesars. He never smiled. He never said thank you. He never tipped. Once I threw about a gallon of Sweet 'n' Low in his drink, and he didn't even give me the satisfaction of noticing. He would hang out for my entire eleven-hour shift and stare at his napkin. I sincerely and truly wish physical misfortune upon him.

Oh, yeah, iced coffee. Uh, never liked the stuff.

Nothing like a Bloody Caesar (a Bloody Mary, using Clamato) to perk ya up. I'm with Aaron on this - 100%. Go clams!

Always one for experimentation and alchemy, my new beverage of choice is now the Clamato Fizzy. It combines the fishy goodness of clams with the palate-tickling thrill of carbonation.

Here's the recipe:

1 cup Clamato
3 cups plain seltzer (or club soda)
8 Vivarin tablets, pulverized
Combine liquids in 2-quart pitcher. Stir in Vivarin. Add ice. Pour into pretty glass (prettiness is essential). Smile for the camera, and enjoy!

I've felt clammy hands, and they're not pleasant.

I've felt cold and clammy; That too wasn't pleasant.

I've tasted clams. I don't like them.

I've tasted tomatoes. I don't like them either.

There's only one type of "clam" that I like, but it's not polite to mention such things in the presence of a lady. Besides, if you marketed THAT with tomato juice you'd either be a millionaire or on the FBI's most wanted list. (>cracking open a bottle and smelling

Clamato is what they serve in the inner rings of Hell, complete with a sprig of parsley... PARSLEY OF THE DAMNED!!

Give me carbonated caffine any day.

Now Diet "Code Red" Mountain Dew may be a fine carbonated beverage in its own right, but surely you can't be suggesting that it would be more refreshing than Clamato, can you? You want to talk "Code Red?"

TOMATOES!! What's redder than that?

And when you add to those tomatoes the exquisite taste of CLAMS...You get two great tastes that taste greaet together, and the perfect "cool-down" summer drink.

OR...toss some Clamato in a blender with some crushed ice and a few potatoes...top with crushed oyster crackers...you've got yourself a tasty Clam Chowder Smoothie!!

Seriously, I don't know why you people insist on messing around with teas and coffees and the like. The real taste of summer is here, and it's CLAM!!

I could never get into iced coffee, myself. Something about it just doesn't translate for me.

Kim's tea suggestions are always good (and no, I'm not a big iced tea drinker, either, but hers is good when I sip it).

Try Diet Code Red Mountain Dew. It doesn't taste like a diet pop, er, soda.

(Sorry I forgot the rest of the country says "Soda" instead of "Pop" like we do in the Midwest)

Or you could finally make the switch to the ALL-TIME GREATEST BEVERAGE OF ALL-TIME!!!

Got Bivalve?

Iced tea is your solution! You can made it in endless ways to satisfy those tired taste buds. Green tea with spearmint (throw in the tiniest pinch of saffron, too). Black tea with mint and lemon balm. Chai Spice (www.stashtea.com) tea with the sweetener of your choice. Chamomile and mint. That lemon-ginseng iced tea I had yesterday was fantastic. Abudanza! (sp?)

No, say it isn't so.

the thought of it makes me a bit queasy.

I am, however, on quite the chocolate milk rampage.

Aren't you done fishing for compliments yet?

I still have that insipid song, "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" running through my brain.

Thanks, Miss Lawrence! I can always count on you!

Nice use of color and space.

It's a funny little site, isn't it? I just think that guy has waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on his hands. I have a house he can come clean. And he can teach ME how to create nonsense like that so that I can receive the accolades....

I think she's a selfish whiny little creep myself. Oh well....opinions are like....

got me hooked. i'll come back later

I'll bite.

Hope ya catch something.

I gotta nice fish for ya... right here. ;)

What exactly does it mean:

Gone,
Fishin

Those fish never stood a chance.

But this bitch is dumb. I concur.

She makes me laugh, but many of the teeming masses of idiots do. At least she's givin' me a chuckle in an original manner.

Anita....when you have a sick child, there are moments that you are inclined to do anything; YOUR PRIDE doesn't matter--THEIR COMFORT and well-being does.

you could walk into his office, stuff the ashtray into your pocket and claim mental illness!

jodi is my hero.

no, really. REALLY.

hey...who TOOK the bait!!!???? i was lookin for something to go with my bagels this morning, too.

Damn you Aaron you beat me to the really good one!

annonymity seekers annonymous...

um...nice spelling?

This other one makes me sad - although it is less cringe-inducing than the nose hair thing.

DM: You couldn't drag me to any sort of "anonymous" meeting. I embrace my vices wholeheartedly and without apology.

Heheh. I linked her because 1) she obviously has balls made of brass, and 2) she's honest about bilking you out of your money.

Of course, I'm the type of person who ignores the homeless guys with the signs that say "Vietnam Vet, Out of Work, Please Help, God Bless" and give a fiver to the asshole whose sign reads "Need Money For Pot And Beer". I figure, at least they're being upfront about it.

Oh, and I mean Aaron's comments -- my head was spinning!

I didn't feel good after reading that; a bromo was necessary to ease my suffering.

The best part of it is that it's free.

Even the nose hairs are complimentary.

truly brilliant and totally blogworthy - thanks

10/10 for initiative
-1/10 for pride

and another thing (sorry), I would sort of believe her if she was running her site on a free host like tripod or even worse geocites. But since she has a domain name and all, I could give a s--t.

I would never do a site like that! Even if I was debt or had a sick child, I would never do a site like that.

Oy. Yeah, there's one for the bookmarks list.

Somebody forward all this to Liam. I'm certain he would be compelled to compose a suitable doggerel.

Well if Karyn there would just spell her name correctly and get out from behind the laptop so I could see if she was cute or not, I might think about supporting her cause.

Dear DM:

I think that she would be the codependent and you would be an enabler. Of course you could simultaneously be codependent and she could be one of your enablers. It would be a truly symbiotic relationship.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! (I'm not certain exactly how that's pronounced.)

And I've never seen a desert mermaid, a mermaid's ass or a mermaid laugh her ass off. This has been a truly meaningful experience for me.

Only possible in the jodiverse!

I'm glad my blog keeps me annonymous. Seems we could start an online group of KA -- kleptomaniacs Annonymous. Does anyone have a stash of KA books we can "use" for the meetings?

Hey, I appreciate that we have all made choices at one time or another that led us down a path to a destination that we didn't want... but I remember my parents telling me "you made your bed... "

I'm not a clinical psychologist, and I only use terms from pop psychology, so correct me if I'm wrong... but wouldn't helping her be rather, well ... codependent?

OH MY GAWD... where do you find these things? I'm over here laughing my ass off.

I haven't had a balance on a credit card in about 6 years. They are tools of the devil...

For someone so in debt..she doesn't seem to be giving up the luxuries.

- Cable internet access
- Web hosting
- Domain name Registration
- Laptop

That is over $1000 right there.

She sure is living a tough life huh?

and the sad part is that she has actually made about 500 bucks. i'm about 3 grand in debt from credit cards (ah, the life of a film maker). maybe it's not such a bad idea. anyone want to help me design the "save timmy project"?

Jo - anything but a midi. I would have to ban myself then.

Scott: Huh?

Does this make everyone here a pundit? What's the punishment for such punitive actions, Miss Lawrence?

LA -- you're a good soul.

I need a bromo . . .

Jodi:

Sit proudly upon your throne!

Just look at all the folks you have helped to purge themselves of so much crap that has been backing up inside them for who knows how long.

And Davenport - he obviously could never have been a tight end. No wonder he is a full back.

Agreeing with every comment here. Won't even bother to try to add to them. It's all been said.

Better yet, convince your lawyer that his best lawyer friend has said something horrible and let them sue each other.....with you acting as arbitrator and collecting a nice fee for your services

Now you know how I felt when the Tonies were after me about my name. I feel for you, kiddo. I really do. Now pay close attention, as I am about to offer you some sage legal advice:

A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.

Additionally,

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Which I suppose means that if you choose to represent yourself in your upcoming proceedings, you can charge as outlandish a fee as you want!

But wait...the fool on the hill sees the world spinning 'round.

So I suppose that if you want to enlighten yourself with the sort of wisdom gained through perspective, this "hill" is the place to do it. Maybe then you'll catch onto your lawyer's little overcharging scam. You could even sue yourself!

Are you trying to kill me? Are you *really* trying to just f*cking kill me???? It would be so much easier than posting things like this, I mean, why not force me to watch back-to-back Springer episodes for 24 hours or something? Geez...

If that co-ed had my new Kenmore front-loading washer, she would have never pressed charges and this wouldn't be an issue.

It's that overwhelming sense of guilt I have when I see things like this that cause me to live in a petting zoo, which I currently do. If I had it my way, I'd have 96 dogs... instead I have 3 cats and 1 dog. Want a real heartbreaker.. spend more than 5 minutes in the long term parking lot at JFK airport. That's how I ended up with my little AJ. She was living under our car while we were vacationing in the Caribbean. It was January, sub-zero with windchill, and she was 5 weeks old and starving to death. She came home with me without an argument from the wife. I was tempted to go back for more, but the wife put her foot down. The "crazy cat lady" gene tends to run on my mother's side of the family ...

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I asked for it. Literally.

I'm BOLD over by the responses, though.

(one foot on a banana peel and the other on a rollerskate - hilarity ensues)

It's really depressing. I have the same reaction as Kim. To me, puppies for sale from backyard breeders are far worse. My own two cents is that you either buy a dog from a responsible breeder -- i.e. you're signing a contract, going through a screening process, etc. -- or you get a rescue/shelter dog. Buying a dog from a backyard breeder is almost always a mistake. First, you're most likely going to get a dog with health problems (pure bred dogs with poor bloodlines are destined for health problems) and second, you're contributing to a system designed not for the benefit of a breed but rather for the financial gain of "breeders."

I'm getting hacked just thinking about it!

Jodi, Jodi, Jodi, Jodi, Jodi.....

This is all your fault, you know.

I would not trade my shelter mutt aka the dog of all doggerness as affectionately referred to by all admiring friends, for any pure breed of any kind. She is the best thing on 4 feet and has been my constant companion for the last 8 1/2 years, she chose me over the ex and received a lifelong supply of an assortment of biscuit bones and undying love from me!

Your spayed cat may have legitimately been abandoned. The organization "Friends of the Animals" takes in stray cats and dogs, neuters/spays them, then places them in temporary homes until owners can be found. It's a good idea, but the temporary homes can be worse than the breeding "mills" that some animals come from.

I found a kitten when I was 18 and named her Valkyrie. She mewed in a "mew-mew-mew-MEW-mew" pattern similar to Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyrie" (forever remembered by several generations as Elmer Fudd's "Kill da' Wabbit".) As we already had two cats, my parents (whom I was sponging off of at the time) advised me to contact "Friends of the Animals". They found a "foster home" that was only 3 miles away I could take her to. I'd describe the place, but suffice it to say that instead of depressed, you'd just be pissed. I still feel bad that I left her there. The good news is that Valkyrie (her name stuck) was adopted within 24 hours by a nice family that lived 4 houses down from my parents.

My dog and I give you a hearty "thumbs up". Or at least I do. He just pants in agreement.

The ones for sale depress me more than the free ones. With the free ones, I think someone was stupid and didn't get their pet spayed or neutered, and there was an "accident." With the ones for sale, someone purposely bred the animal with the intent of making money on her offspring. That disturbs me.

My family used to breed Yorkies when I was a little girl, but now I'm very much against the "pure-bred" thing. Give me a shelter mutt any day.

It turns out, he's a repeat offender; This is his turd time this year.

While his lawyers poo-poo'ed the matter, the prosecutor said the state is tired of putting up with this shit. If found guilty, he faces time in a maximum defecatory facility. The attorneys are plunging in to this case quickly to avoid clogging the legal system.

He's facing a pinch, and is expected to flush out other players doing this, so long as he's not pooped-out. Yes, the shit is hitting the fan now, and he's facing an ugly stain on his career. No matter how you look at it, the situation stinks.

The victims are All ready to Shout. One in particular says her grandmother and mother had similar things happen to them as well; It really runs in their jeans. The search for answers have left them void. They're facing the prospect of throwing in the bowel.

One victim was actually happy this was done, and wore her befouled shirt like a banner. Apparently Najeh was something of a celebrity in the area, earning the nickname of "The Foo". And as everyone knows, if "The Foo" shits, wear it.

It looks like I'm too late to get in with original puns on the US brands. Maybe some UK ones?

"The suspect was described as DAZ-ed and confused. He said the victim shouldn't take it PERSILnally."

Err.. OK, so maybe it doesn't travel well.

Jodi, the comments are just colorful jimmies on the icing of the cake that you've baked up for us. I ADORE you! You know that. The people who post comments are fun...and I like all these cool people you attract to your site. See? It's a loooooooooooooove fest!

I'm not linked either. I'm crushed. You know I love you completely and unconditionally and still I'm not there.....call me the redheaded stepchild...

Very cool project. I loved the photos!

Thomas, I'm STILL laughing........

Good God. That is just naaasssty. They should just Wisk him right off to jail.

Who knows why people do things like this, eh? Maybe he just wasn't loved enough as a child. Somebody please give the guy a Snuggle bear. hehe

"If we give it our ALL, we will GAIN the jury's favor and the TIDE will turn in this case."

Wheeeee!

Well that's one kind of stain you never see on the detergent commercials. I give it a month before Davenport is the new Tide spokesperson.

Ha ha ha, I won't even attempt to come up with anything in light of the CASCADE of punniness that DebC just laid down.

I heard that puns were discouraged because they had enough crap to Tide them over and nothing to Gain from them. Of course, the judge may just Bounce the whole thing as frivolous, get my Dreft?

That's just foul! What a dumb-assed move! Oh, the poor man just needs to Cheer up!

You're lucky I'm one of those guys who checks what he posted last to make sure he understands the context of what you say, otherwise you would have had to explain to my wife your desire to see the sausage.

Not that she would have denied your request, she just would want to get to know you first.

I'll endeavor to photo our next dinnertime encounter with tubed meat products.

There's no avoiding the innuendo, is there?

Never mind re: Powerpuff Girl. I saw the comment.

Thomas: Send snaps of sausage, soon.

Oh, and Max, the pink phone is a direct line to Ann-Margret circa 1963.

Powerpuff Girl? Huh? I barely know what the hell a Powerpuff Girl is (and please, I don't want to be enlightened). And didn't see that comment. Care to enlighten me -- but only about the comment -- please?

That was such a better idea than going out and doing the 'touristy' thing.

Does the phone have a direct line to Commisioner Gordon? Is there a bust of William Shakespeare next to it, with a secret switch to reveal the bat-poles?

Who loves ya, babe!

When I saw the pink phone.. this is when I knew you had class. Someone made a comment of you being a powerpuff girl, I burst out laughing.

Eep. Um, that last one was me. I apologize.

I want a poster of that picture of the water fountain sign. "Wipe lipstick from spout"? Who is sucking on public water fountains?! Good lord. Apparently I've been severely overestimating people.

Whilst perusing your photos (cool stuff!) I meandered through your pix of the Sphere. Brought back memories. I worked in the WFC for a brief while (104th fl of WTC Tower 2 and then in what was then the Amex tower) and then right there at 25 Broadway for 6 years. I haven't been there in a few years.. did see ground zero but not for long. It was too much for me. I spent many a lunch in Battery Park.. eating pasta from Rosario's - the greatest Italian bistro on earth. Sniff. Sniff.

Oh, you make my little black heart go pitter-patter!

Now when SWMBO reads this and comes after me with a chainsaw, will you save me?

;)

Swooningly,
Eyre

Eyre, my darling: Our love doesn't need to be publicized. Everyone who sees us hand-in-hand on the streets of Manhattan, and lounging on the grass in Union Square, already knows. Our love is true. My devotion to you unrivalled. Don't fret, pet.

Oh Jodi! You don't give me any love! I even link to you!

Snif.

Your heartbroken, neglected bitch girlfriend,

Eyre

I got to leave my tracks in the fresh snow. I wasn't the first to view the gallery, but I was the first to leave my smart ass comments about what I saw there.

Hah! It wasn't late, because you never gave a deadline! Nyah, nyah!

As if I wasn't vastly outnumbered enough on Jodi's links list...

I love the phone. And taxi's collar. And the empty plate. All of it!

I use humor to mask my pain, but I also use it as part of this complete breakfast, and to get into those "hard-to-reach" areas.

And Tofutti ROCKS! "Wildberry Supreme" is perhaps the world's most perfect frozen confection.

I only wear that on casual Fridays.

I tried to muster enough energy to go around the Grand Rapids area and take some lovely snapshots of our fair cities. Had I taken pictures of what I actually did, you would have had lots of pictures of bratwurst.

I didn't want to insult your evolved vegan sensibilities with my pagan-esque omnivorous ways, hence no images.

Should I be faced with an evil tofu hell-bent on conquering the universe with his tofutti minions, then I'll be sure take pictures of the thwarted tyrant's teriyaki coated, crispy edged remains on a deathbed of lightly grilled spinach leaves.

Maybe I'll even throw raisins on it for effect.

For those of you unaware of the goddess-ness of Nina Simone run do not walk to purchase a Nina Simone CD. Now! Be gone to the music store.

This public service announcement has now ended.

Good photos. Kim has one or two that I took of our afternoon yesterday that she still needs to send your way. Lots of potting soil in ours.

I'll only wear that fucking thing if I get to sport my Docs with it.

Otherwise, no dice.

How does BooBoo feel about this new turn of events?

And when is the group photo scheduled?

I hope you don't mind that I quoted you. Tomorrow when I'm sure I'll use it again I'll link ya.

Ahem.

I had a real cool self-portrait taken out of the sunroof of my car, but when I tried to send it I got a message that you are over your storage limit. Let me know if I can resend, or if you can just lift it off of my webpage that's OK, it's on my post for today.

Jodi - I love that "things that suck" blog and particularly what you said about people who pass judgements based on reading a blog. I had some knuclehead who posted the most arrogant comment ever, on the face of the planet. So arrogant in fact that I chose not to delete it but to let it stand as a tribute to all that is wrong.

Dammit where's my camera??????

I suggest you go here, dear Eyre. This guy has an excellent suggestion (post dated July 12) for purging one's head of this sort of undesirable detritus. (Purging of the non-bulimic variety, of course. Bulimics can't have all the fun, damn them.)

Oh, dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Jodi! Now I've got that fucking Wizard of Oz song in my fucking head. Now I have to gouge my brain out with chopsticks through my ears. Damn you!

Fine on my end on a PC using MSIE 6.x.

Off-topic, but someone ate your header image. :) At least it's not rendering for me.

I'm laughing babe.. (said in the best Patsy voice from Absolutely Fabulous).

LOL!! You're killing me!!
;)

Like I always say... fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Sorry, I didn't mean to toss out a non sequitur there. Must be something in the water. Maybe that newfangled flouride I keep hearing about?

All your base are belong to us!

Wait, umm, pay no heed to the man behind the curtain.

Hardee har har, Potsie Dan.

I don't think so. Nice try.

Ha ha!

No one else may laugh. That was the last one.

Uhhh, Joan? Do you come here for the comments? Or ... uhhh ...

Hmmm.

He he he....Kim...Tess....Good Lord, I love this place!

Jodi, you don't have to wear that mask with me. I know how much you're really hurting inside. It's clear. Your smile is the makeup you wear since your breakup with me.

Oh. Wait. Sorry. I must be channeling Smokey Robinson again.

I'm not the sort to say "amen", but Tess, I'm saying it here. A-fucking-men.

"Nobody ever died of laughter."
True!
But, I wonder how many people have died laughing?

Of course I use humor to mask my own pain. It's either that or take to a tall building with a scoped rifle and start plinking idiots off the street. But, sometimes... I use humor just to.. (drum roll please)...

... make people laugh.

But mostly myself. I couldn't really give a rats ass if you think it's funny as long as I do. :)

Oh, you so don't know me. At all.

Your assessment of your own imagination is, apparently, sorely inaccurate.

Is it just me, or do I sense a lot of pain in this post? For some reason, I have great difficulty imagining you laughing..and I have a great imagination :)

Refill, please.
This time, a little lighter with the arsenic, thanks. (Don't think for a second I didn't notice that skull & bones, Missy.)

My apologies, Miss Lawrence. Shan't happen again.

And I see I typoed my last comment. Where's "somwhere?"

Grr.

I'm not a sun worshipper, by any stretch of the imagination, so I understand. Still, the allure of outside lately has been strong, which leads me to believe the sun is a She.

For me, that is. I think everyone's Sun-gender is dependent on their own feelings regarding life, the universe, and everything.

I prefer going out to get a Moonburn, myself. There's nothing like a crystal-clear night with the Moon riding high. Not that such things happen in the city that often . . .

Wait wait wait wait wait. Wait.

You were downtown, and at a Japanese teahouse, and didn't invite me?

What's that, Scott? You didn't know me then? Still no excuse!

I wish I could remember the name of the Japanese teahouse we were at a few months back. Downtown, somwhere, on the lower East Side. Amazing coffee -- so good we bought their home-blend of "Good Strong Coffee" and loved it.

Nothing like a good cup of java. That reminds me -- I need to go put some Kona on to brew . . .

I love rainy days. I feel renewed by it.
There's the song by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band that goes, "if you're ever gonna see the rainbow, you gotta stand a little rain." Well, screw the rainbow, just give me the rain.

As my daughter used to say, only TOD can make a rainbow and he's out of town.

Jodi, you are in my thoughts and prayers, as is Poppop.
What a beautiful love letter to a lovely man and the world.
No matter how long it is without them, there are days when our loved ones come and sit beside us, hug us, and guide us. They never really leave us completely.

Thanks for all your kind words, kids (and crazy mamanita, dahlink!)!

And thanks, zel, for that internet "hug" thing that on any other day would be cause for your expulsion from my site!

Absolutely, Max. It's either caffeinated or nothing at all. Decaf is a very bad joke. (And it looks like Miles [adorable!] is in on it. Woof!)

Hey Jodi!

Yet another blogging coincidence between our two blogs!

Thanks for your nice comments about Miles in my article about the new coffee shop in my neighbourhood.

Maybe one day, if I make it to NYC, you can show me where the good (caffeineated) stuff is!?

LA: Enjoy!

Gimme.

Beeyootiful Jodele! You were right - I am writing this with tears in my eyes and shaking hands. You ARE Pop-Pop's gift to all of us - I truly know the feeling. I, too, felt like a zombie today, also felt his presence (as I do every day of my life), but even stronger. It's truly amazing how much of Pop-Pop has been left behind and I am grateful for that. Without you, your brother, sister, and my grandson to carry on his legacy - his enormous love of life and all things living - his graciousness, his joy for "femily", his good naturedness and pure loving ways - his undeniable devotion to Bubbie - where would we all be? It's in his honor that because he was (and still is) everything he was (and is) that we still adore him, and deservedly so. He gave so much that the pain we feel is a small price to pay for the joy and love he gave us all! I will always love him to the end of time! I get pissed when people tell me not to worry - that things will get better - and especially when they use the word "closure". I don't want this chapter of my life ever to close. Pop-Pop deserves to have it kept open forever. Again, thank you Jodele - you are truly a gem and I love you!

((((((hugs)))))))))
I know you hate these web talk things but how else can I get the message across?
That felt like it was 'from the heart' Jo.
Nice one.

I would have liked Poppop... he sounds perfecty ornery. Just my kinda guy... :)

I would be a happy spirit to be remembered so beautifully...

Hmm, I know what you are feeling. I posted something this morning about my own Pop. It has only been a little over 4 years, but the pain, and even the anger I can't seem to let go of, is still so fresh.

I miss him. Very much so. Thanks for sharing...
=)

I, too, called my mother's father Poppop. He was an alcoholic and never around much, but he was the sweetest man ever to walk the earth. I adored him. He would take me fishing sometimes, and never even got mad at me when I wouldn't touch the worms. He knew I wasn't really there to fish. I was there to bask in his beautiful blue eyes. Some day, I plan to give my son the middle name Joseph, and if he grows into a man as sweet as my Poppop was - minus the alcohol issues - he'll be a wonderful man.

Thanks for sharing your memories of your own Poppop, Jodi.

Are you the little girl in the pink nightgown Jodi? Are we going back to that pig tail fantasy again?

Bernard Shaw once said that grandparents are the kindest beings, not the parents... I'll try to find the full quote for you. But yeah, every once in a while i get that strange feeling too. And I start thinking how great the world would be if populated by people like my grandpa, but then some old guy gets in front of me at a line or traffic, and i get furious. I know, theres no salvation for me...

I must have sun to be "sunny". I become morose without sun... it's not pretty.

I don't like folgers...my parents use it and it has a waxy aftertaste...maybe its just the fact that they keep on using coffee makers that are at least 20 years old that they bought from the thrift store.

Eyes. Hair. Ass. Arms. Hands.

And... I only watch PBS and Discovery. Except for a yet undefined weakness for Dawson's Creek and ER. Really. Honestly. Oh wait.. Six Feet Under...

I shun the sun. Oh yes I do. My girlfriend says to me on overcast days "Oh baby you are going to have such a good day. Look how gray it is outside."

Never met a clown that I could truly say I would want to invite over for dinner. The exception of course would be Krusty.

Got it. It cerntianly sucks. Sorry for using up bandwidth. Next topic. :)

Yup, that was definitely purty. But just so you know, we throw rocks to get them out of trees instead of using our ladder trucks. Especially if they have a tag attached to them that is a red heart and says "Ty"--just a personal problem between FD's and the Ty company.

Erik
fireman_e@hotmail.com

P.S. just kidding about the rocks

That's really cute
Don’t you think every kitten figure out how to get down?
Whether or not you show up?
Ani Difranco - Not A Pretty Girl

Apologies, lovely K-ladies!

*hearty laugh*

Our names both start with "K," but I don't think Kelly and I look anything alike, Mister Mayor. And there's nothing wrong with simply being pretty to look at. The Good Lord doesn't want us looking at men with S-E-X on our minds, anyway.

Just don't anybody call the Inglewood, CA PD.

I'm certain a caravan of police cruisers would drive straight through, lights flashing and sirens blaring. Upon arrival they would probably dislodge the victim using a shotgun beanbag, four of Inglewood's finest would pin it to the ground, handcuff its paws behind its back and one would slam its face into the hood of the police cruiser while punching its head.

If the sniffling little girl made any objection they would likely do the same to her as an accessory.

They do their best to keep things under control out here.

Of course nothing resembling the above would really happen out here.

Oh, Kim ... Here in Smalltown Manhattan, U.S.A., our men are about as sexless as Ken dolls, complete with that strange "smooth spot" that can be found if you remove the Ken doll's pants! Handsome, yes ... but only in a non-threatening, totally sexless way.

Rick: I touched on this briefly in a comment to an earlier post.

I posted the following, in the comments at Things That Suck: (Avail yourself of the links supplied here, and you can read all about this nonsense!)

"l33t" stands for "elite". I'd seen fucked-up spellings of regular English words before, but never knew there was a whole asinine "language" behind it. I just thought it was the work of a small, but ever expanding, band of loser 14-year-olds with nothing better to do.

If you really want to know more about it, here are a few links.

Wretch while perusing this:
http://www.cscentral.com/features/l33t/

Vomit while viewing this:
http://www.ninjalane.com/leet.asp

Be prepared to want to beat someone over the head with the nearest blunt object.

Jodi, I'm interpruting this "l33t" as geek speak. I have no idea what that means?

Thank you for the virtual tour. Nice snapping.

More importantly, we'll get a nice view of the particularly handsome fireman scaling the tree. ;)

And speakig of dumbasses...that last sentence should obviously read "from" and not "frmo."

Obviously the dumbest people are the ones who are going to want the most kids...or at least the ones who are going to want kids the most. Think about it.

Propagation of the species is a very animalistic notion. Very "base," if you will.

Now clearly, those people whose family trees sit just outside the tracks of the Evolution Train will be closer to their animal roots, and will feel a stronger need to breed. They'll also generally account for a good percentage of your run-of-the-mill dumbasses.

And if we stop stupid people frmo having kids, what's next? We stop them from holding high-level positions within the federal government?

Before I moved to my current home, I was in an apartment complex that was swarming with grasshopper/crickets whatever! Occasionally, they would get inside and my darling cat would play with them, and then get bored, and eat them. He had an order of chomping that was hilarious. I'll spare you the details.

Here is the really sick part. I used to go outside with a big Circle K cup to catch more grasshoppers for him to play with. Yep, I'd capture one in my cup, bring it upstairs, inside my home, and release it in the kitchen where the cat romping would start.

Only once did the cat fail to catch the varmit, and it creaked all night from its hiding place under the stove. I 'splained to the cat that if he didn't stop that racket, not more green treats in the evenings. It was gone sometime during the night. I didn't ask any more questions, and I resumed the capture and release program the next night.

hey there miss jodi. wish i could write something witty, but i'm way too sloshed right now....

thanks for the blurb on my suck site. and thanks for introducing me to your website. it's not everyday i find a site that genuinely makes me laugh. and it's not just because i'm drunk off my rocker... honest...

I always stay up late! Does this mean I can't stay up later?

Rick, there's no "geek speak" in the post. Do you mean the word "link"? Or perhaps "suckiosity" is the stumper.

Don: Nice suggestion. Too bad I created that photo album before hiring my current editor!

Very quietly tasteful. Thanks.

Maybe could've used "Sphere, There and Everywhere".

Not sure what that 'geek speak' means but hey I'm a novice.

What really sucked was when Jan got glasses, didn't wear them because she was so self conscious, ran over the family portriat with her bike and had to sell her bike to pay for a new photo shoot and picture. She would have pulled it off had she not screwed up and wore her glasses for the new photo and dad caught the faux pas. That also sucked.

Bottled water is banned in New York! We can only drink from the tap now.

was a=were a. Ugh. Bad day at the office on my end.

Women: I'm a leg man, and the natural extension thereof: the ass.

After that, it's faces that win me over; it's not one special thing, but I might have to say the mouth. I don't like a woman who has no lips, but I also despise the Angelina Jolie look. Collagen injections was a nightmare given form.

One female celebrity who defines what I like would be Jessica Alba, late of Dark Angel. She is beautiful, with a nice figure and a great face.

I'm with Kim about Kevin Smith/Ares; he was one fine looking man. Bowie's another looker.

Oh, and the guy who plays Ian on Witchblade. It's not one particular thing.

Eyes. Men and women alike. Eyes.

Then there is the way a person carries oneself. Size, hue of skin, etc are all unimportant if the people can carry themselves with total confidence and sureness. I like a person of PURPOSE. (Go look on my weblog for my bit on men.....and no, I don't have the link handy....Blogger isn't cooperating.)

With men, arms. I like arms that appear reassuring. Nothing wrong with wanting a nice set of arms to hold one at the end of a long day.

Women, natural breasts. Don't EVER make me look at a woman who has fakes that look as though a doctor shoved the bottom of 2 liter bottles in there. YUCK! Not attractive!

I had more but I am now tired.

I like the photos. Having never been to NYC, I enjoy seeing the pics and getting to see what NYers see day in and day out. I keep saying I need to take a trip.........I can postpone that a bit longer now that I've had a fix from the pics.

If I come to NY will you meet me for bottled water?

First off, eyes. Not that I'm attracted to eyes. I don't think it even counts as 'checking them out'. I just make eye contact with everybody I pass by habit.

With women: breasts. I don't care whether they're big or small, perky or droopy, I just love boobs. Even though I am always listening to what she says, I can't help but take in an eyeful of those breastesses. Call me disrespectful if you want, but I can't help it.

With men: de ass. If I were a girl I'd want to slap the ass, if I were gay I'd want to ride the ass, and if I were a dog I'd want to bite the ass. I am always checking out men's asses - if he can't take care of his ass, how is he going to take care of hers?

1. Mouth (its posture and the lips, of course) If I can sneak a peak at the tongue, so much the better.
2. Ass (from a distance)
3. Hands (up close)

Jenn: Ahhh yes. I remember fondly our days on the Penn campus!

I am an "ass" woman, overall. The face is obvious, for both sexes, so I'm talking about what I notice after that. Women have much more varied (therefore, read interesting)lower bodies, I think, so though I'm straight, my interests are modeled after them. I love legs, but men don't generally have much going on there compared with women(though, for the record,my boyfriend has great legs), so I look at the legs of women much more quickly than those of men.

Girls: As with Aaron and Jodi, I love glasses, so I s'pose that means I look at a girl's eyes first...and then I'd have to say legs.

Guys: I also dig glasses on guys. A guy with short hair and glasses and a slight amount of stubble make a handsome dude, in my opinion.

Jodi:

You know I started wearing glasses since you saw me last. Alas, I’ve also started shaving my forearms.

Personally, I think myopia is sexier than presbyopia…but you’ll probably just think I’m being ageist.

i am a leg woman. give me a guy with nicely defined calves and i am putty in his hands. that's why i love male tennis players. i'm also a 30 year-old pervert who checks out 16 year-old skater boys legs. especially if they have tats on their calves.

with women, i am a face gal. i can overlook a lot of flaws for a nice-looking face. my lesbian fantasy women are totally slutty looking though. i have a major crush on jenna jameson and she's as big a slut as can be. i wonder what that says about me?

On men, hands and chest/shoulders first. I love to look at big, hunky men like Kevin Smith. (No, not Kevin Smith of Clerks fame. And this photo doesn't do him justice. You have to see him in the black leather Ares costume. Oh, yum.)

On women, I actually just like to look at women. (Maybe you're right and I am a lesbian, Tess!) We have such nice curves and we're so pretty to look at. No wonder men like us so much.

On women: mouth, eyes, hair, breasts, ass, legs. Roughly in that order. Oh, and after that their walk, the way a woman carries herself. My favorites are the the baby dykes: all cropped hair, muscle, piercings, and a swagger. Yum.

On men: Honestly? Hair and then their face. If they have good hair, good teeth and their eyes don't give them away to be a serial killer (thank you, Tess), I'm more inclined to look favorably upon the rest of them. But the hair and teeth thing is a deal-breaker.

Aaron - I definitely agree. If someone has said to himself, "Yes, in twenty years I will want a giant color portait of a naked bloody demon covering my entire arm", I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume that he has poor decision-making skills. Same goes for tattoos of Elmo or quotes from Scarface.

I like in women what I like in poultry: good legs and breasts. Belly button piercings are always a plus too. And if I were a superhero, blondes would be my kryptonite, straight up.

Breasts (both women and men)
Lips (women only)
The irony here is that even though the first thing i look at in a woman is her breasts, I always seem to fall (emotionally) for the ones with little tits. I do check out big tittied men at times too, but thats to laugh my ass off...

Regarding Tattoos: (this applies to guys and girls) If you have a prominent one, you may as well actually be Herve Villichez, as far as I'm concerned. Next to improper grammar or a bad dialect (read: Boston) this is one of the top ways of saying to me "Warning: I am probably an idiot."

Now, don't get all insulted just yet. I've known enough people to know that I am certainly not always correct about this. I've known a select few very intelligent people with prominent tattoos, and even fewer who make frequent use of grammar that makes me physically recoil, but I know that they do exist. They're just a bit on the rare side.

Honestly, I've been sitting here thinking about this for 5 straight (ha ha) minutes and I can't say that I look at specifically "physical" qualities in either one. Not in the usual sense, anyway.

If pinned down, though, in both sexes, I look at eyes first - they tell me everything I need to know. I look at serial killer Ted Bundy, who was quite handsome, but to look at his eyes you just KNOW he's a loon. I think, "How could any woman involved with him not see that?" Eyes truly are the windows to the soul.

But truthfully, I look more at the total person. I love women that exude compassion without being namby-pamby. I love outgoing, confident, compassionate and intelligent women that appear down to earth, open, and funny with just a hint of vulnerability (or shyness) underneath the confidence. :) (My god... I just realized I'm attracted to... myself...)

In men, I look for a strength that's natural, not a macho "strong" guy act that says he's anything but; it's a strength that means he could pick up an injured bird off the sidewalk and nurse it back to health without thinking he's gay. I love men that appear confident, that don't stand with their hands in their pockets or fold their hands over their crotch when they're posing for a picture; I like men that smile easily, dress nicely without being "foo foo" and I'm a sucker for dark skin, black hair and blue eyes. It's the Elvis lover in me... ;)

I'm truly the most "nonsexual" people watcher there ever was. I get most turned on by the way people carry themselves, their personalities and their intelligence.

I'm a sucker for a nice back. Especially if he's wearing one of those wife-beaters, preferably a ratty old one with coffee stains on it. (Sometimes I'm so classy I can't stand myself.)

I think I'd say the same for women too, unless they're trying to show it off with some kind of hideous cutesy tattoo. I met a girl once who had a tattoo on her shoulder of a bunch of random lines. They looked like pigeon tracks. I asked her what it was, and she said, "It was supposed to be a tiger, but I passed out." Total waste of a perfect back.

aaron and clay: Am I going to have to separate you boys? I don't want this thing coming to fisticuffs!

Girls and guys; I notice the nose and divot first, generally if the nose and divot are perfectly upturned with the right amount of "je'ne sais quoi" to be deemed "perfect" in our appearance driven society, then I find that person rather plain. I like noticable noses and divots; Off-center, larger, asymmetric, scarred slightly, whatever. To me, perfect people can ride on their good looks in life, but lack anything of substance to back it up. The people with distinguishing facial features, especially hard to hide ones, have had to compensate for their lack of "perfection" by aquiring real emotions and personalities. Unusually featured people also tend to be the most empathetic and compassionate.

After that, for girls I like breasts, especially when they're natural or, at the very least, well implanted; If you're on your back and your breasts don't move at all or the skin pulls at the implant showing right where it's at, then it's time to say good bye, not good night.

For guys, it's the teeth. I dislike guys with overlapping shards of bone that pass for teeth.

Yes, please.

And a side of perhaps-too-subtle, purposeful non-capitalization.

I have a friend near Philly who I visit semi-regularly. I went down there last November, and it sure was weird not seeing the towers. I can't imagine what it was...and probably still is...like for those of you in the city.

And I have hope too, Jodi. Hope that one day those freaking scooters will be outlawed. Know how many kids on those things I've almost hit so far this summer? FIVE.

Five stupid kids, not coordinated enough to stay on the damn sidewalk, or not supervised enough to be kept out of the street, especially around a corner.

(I haven't hit any yet though, thankfully. And yes, I certainly do slow down when I hit that part of the road now.)

I'm a nose man! From your picture on your home page I see you don't have one? I love your writing, but without a nose ...

Zuly: Are you trying to say you'd bite those asses? Hmm.

Aaron: Glasses do it for me too. Always have. And, on guys only, furry (but not too) forearms, exposed when shirtsleeves are rolled up (but not past the elbow).

This is a toughie. I personally feel that the most important characteristic in a woman is opposable thumbs. That, and the ability to walk upright. So I guess you could say "hands" and "posture."

For guys (who rarely possess either of the above) I notice the pitch level of their grunts first. A good, resonant voice is important to me.

Seriously though...I am immediately drawn to girls with glasses. I absolutely LOVE glasses. I don't know why, but I do. Beyond that, I'm not picky. I notice whatever the woman is trying hardest to accentuate. (Don't think we don't notice when you're trying, either.)

As far as guys go, I think the guys I find the most attractive (in a "I wouldn't want him talking to my girlfriend" sort of way.) are the ones with the nicest hair, and who have some semblance of intelligence about them.

I'll bite.

1. Eyes.
2. Ass.

And of course both men and women.

or as I've said many times, a parent license? (like a drivers license)

the appauling lack of intelligence in the world concerns me. why, oh why, isn't there a test to see if you are fit to breed?

english?

thanks for putting up the photos

Yup - this happens every damn summer - and people never learn - the sad thing is, that people that 'forget' their kids think they're mature enough to have kids in the first place.

Stories like this break my heart, because I know I could never forget my son in the car... and if I did, I would probably kill myself.

And what gets me is that this happens every single summer. Sometimes you really think that there should be some kind of test before people can become parents.

I'll help, Jodi!

Let's see...putting final punctuation before quotation mark...that means that he knows at least one basic rule of english written grammar!

Surely you can't know too many people who would fall into that category, can you?

Of course I enjoyed the tour. Didn't you see the tip in that can over there?

Not sure how I got here but I'm glad I did.....cool sit :D

Aaron:

The Joan Rivers looks more real than the "real" one because Mme. T's contains less wax.

I believe that the previous comment deserves to be unfollowed ... so this doesn't follow it -- or anything.

"mommy, why does elvis look like a really bad kd lang impersonator?"

I'm proud of her too, Kelly! She's the cat, yep, but I'm the bigger, uh, "pussy" around here.

This makes me sick. So many people are heartbroken because they can't have children, and assholes like this are running around leaving them to bake in cars. I echo Kelly's sentiments... how can people have such little respect for life? Whether it's a dog or a baby, how is preserving that precious life not at the top of their lists?

I, for one, am proud of the little huntress. :)

Sickening. Is it just me, or does it seem like every other day we are hearing about some new dipshit who has left a child or a dog in a swelteringly hot car, causing its death. This is bordering on an epidemic and I keep asking myself the same question: how can people be so STUPID ... have such little disregard for life??

I think it was my cousin.

There have been more than two. I remember a woman doing the same damn thing back when I lived in Colorado. If this woman in Texas isn't strung up like a freakin' human piñata for good parents to take a whack at........then there's something wrong.

SUVs? Well, yes, but not because of that. Stupid people should be banned. From breathing. :P

That's twice now. SUVs should be banned.

That insect looks like it's wearing an indian head dress of some sort. Have we identified the little creature? Shouldn't we? What if it's... mutant... or something?

Why do you do this to me?????? WHY??? Here I was, having a lovely day, and now this....

You are right. You just don't "forget" something like a child. Defective. Just absolutely defective.

Actually, Clay, you may indeed be a clod after all.

Clay: Of course you're no clod. You would never commit the faux pas ("fawks pass", y'know) of improper attire. Your punctuation clue leaves me in the dark, though. Illumination, please?

Jodie,

Are yew callin' me a clod?

And I thought you would of reckonized me by the way I always put my final punctuation before the quotation mark, "like so."

Perhaps this will help...

Dan: My cat did.

Hah. My cat would eat that stupid alien. He's a badass.

Jacob: I'd prefer if people called me "Sir". At least then I could pretend I'd been knighted by the glorious Queen and thus joined the ranks of Anthony Hopkins and Paul McCartney.

Chief Stewell, Sir: Yes, jackets are required for all gentlemen. But you won't be turned away if you're not wearing one when you enter. The maitre d' will provide you with something. It will be polyester, with wide lapels and a self-belt, to distinguish you from the "real" guests, but at least you'll be able to tell your friends you got in. Then again, clods are not required to wear jackets, so you can always get around the rules that way, if that is your wont.

Jess: No! The cat was Dan's.
Dan: I'm so sorry.

Jess is brilliant. I forgot my comment.

Oh wow, it's just insane how much your cat looks like mine - the fur, yellow eyes and especially that proud smirk. Mine attacks larger prey, occasionally myself for example.

Jodi! You let your pet alien kill a vagrant cat?

So what? I call everyone "Chief." I also fire the little gun I've made with my thumb and forefinger and say "Right back atcha" a lot. My kids call me "Sir." So does the wife.

Are gentlemen required to wear jackets at Duomo?

I am just bothered when people older than me call me Sir. I am 24 for peet's sake.

Yeah, I agree... Jodie Foster's is horrendously bad. But, I still think Elvis looks pretty darn good! I agree with your comment about the blue eyes being overdone on the OTHER sculptures, but Elvis's eyes were stunning blue like that, especially against the jet black hair, so I think it looks more natural on him. Of course, I've never seen a bad picture of Elvis either and might be a little biased. :)

Thanks, Horshack! I've made the correction.

Ooh ooh FACTUAL ERROR SPOTTED!

It is a picture of 'Baby Spice', but her name is Emma Bunton. Geri Haliwell was 'Ginger Spice'.

err.. I mean... I read that somewhere.. err yes, and am in no way an expert or fan of those talentless, manufactured bimbos.

Let's just focus on my country giving the world The Bealtes, The Stones, The Cure, Radiohead, Coldplay etc..

For some reason I now feel the need to take three showers.

Err... OK, maybe it's my not being American, or maybe I'm just dumb (answers on a postcard or stuck-down envelope) but what did the blank contain?

Logic seems to suggest, "chief", but ya just never know.

Aaron: That's exactly what I thought about Joan Rivers. I also said something similar about her in the original post (which I linked to, in today's entry).

Kim: It's $21.50, which is pretty hefty, but worth it just for the kitsch. You'll only ever want to go once, though. It wears thin after a while, especially when you see how many people think they're cute by posing next to the wax figures (as I wrote in the original entry)!

Zuly: I was told that it was Yamaguchi. But who knows. My source could've been mistaken.

Tess: Actually, "Elvis" was one of the worst ones there! (See comment to Kelly, below, too.)

Kelly: Bruce Springsteen and Jodie Foster really were horrible. If I were Jodie Foster, I'd feel compelled to stand next to my wax representation every day just to show people how much better-looking the flesh version is. Same thing with Brad Pitt. I think they went overboard with the blueness of people's eyes (including Elvis'). Steven Spielberg and Morgan Freeman were outstanding, as were quite a few of the others.

And Nicolas Cage was just as stiff and uninspiring as when we were married.

I've always wanted to go there. I found, based upon your photos, that they tended to either look eerily accurate or reeeaaally bad. The Springsteem and Jodie Foster ones, for example, looked really bad to me. Then, some of them blew my mind -- Fidel Castro, James Brown, Joan Rivers.

So cool!

...Reminds me of that Dave Letterman skit where he takes a camera into the pizza place next to the studio and starts calling everyone "chief". The object of the game, of course, is to see if the person who he's talking to ever says, "Why are you calling me chief?"

I laugh hysterically at that one every time.

Woof, indeed. That's right up there with "captain" and "boss." Yak.

Elvis was amazing... they especially captured those steel blue eyes that I love so much. I also thought Princess Di was stunningly accurate.

Wait....I thought you were the placekicker on KC's '93 team.

Were you lying about being the first female professional football player?

And if so, how do you explain your punting prowess?

I have been to both the NY and the London Madame Tussaud's and I gotta say...if you stand there and stare at the sculptures for a minute, you'd swear they are gonna move, or talk, or grunt or something. They always keep the place dimly let (it cuts out the glare off the wax) and it really adds to the eeriness.

I want to go there! Every time we pass that place to go to the movie theater just west of it, I tell Scott I want to go. Love the photos. I'm so glad they did young, thin Jerry instead of old, fat Jerry.

Darling, I think that's Michelle Kwan, not Kristi Yamaguchi. But I could be wrong.

That Joan Rivers looked more real than she does.