I'm prettier than you are.
Wednesday, 10 July 2002
The DOG speaks!

This just in, from the DOG, who also, by the way, serves as my editor for a generous salary and benefits:

This giorno at Duomo was typical save for one comment. A white (you shouldn't wear a doo rag) trainer and his 110-pound male protégé were doing legs, with cries of pain after each burning set. Uh -- ok, but still a pussy boy. Whatever. They invaded my area, and I had my towel, water and glasses on a bench next to the leg press. The cool doo man asked me, "Are you using this bench, ________?"

I responded no, and moved my stuff, so he could sit down and assist his client.

The "blank" evoked many thoughts, and I find it useful to pass some on to you, perhaps akin to the "ma'am" comment, as follows:


  1. Do I look like George W., the President and Commander? or

  2. Do I have a striking resemblance to Rhenquist, the boss Justice of the US Supreme Court ?

  3. Do I exude the military and a position of power, that I might be mistaken for the Joint leader of staff?

  4. Do I resemble an aged native American tribal poopah, or perhaps a highly placed policeman or fireman?

  5. Perhaps he thinks I play for the Kansas City professional football team?

  6. Better yet, he takes me for a Texaco gas pump (premium Sky pundit).

  7. Am I the principal character of anything?


By now, I suppose you guessed it, a reference I find particularly offensive, chiefly because it is a caustic and sarcastic reference, unless one is referring to Odin.


Any wonder why we've been together so long? Woof!

fresh-baked at 10:16 AM
Comments

aaron and clay: Am I going to have to separate you boys? I don't want this thing coming to fisticuffs!

Offered by: Miss Lawrence on July 11, 2002 12:59 PM

Yes, please.

And a side of perhaps-too-subtle, purposeful non-capitalization.

Offered by: aaron on July 11, 2002 12:47 PM

english?

Offered by: clay stewell on July 11, 2002 11:33 AM

I'll help, Jodi!

Let's see...putting final punctuation before quotation mark...that means that he knows at least one basic rule of english written grammar!

Surely you can't know too many people who would fall into that category, can you?

Offered by: aaron on July 11, 2002 9:06 AM

Actually, Clay, you may indeed be a clod after all.

Offered by: Jodi on July 10, 2002 5:46 PM

Clay: Of course you're no clod. You would never commit the faux pas ("fawks pass", y'know) of improper attire. Your punctuation clue leaves me in the dark, though. Illumination, please?

Offered by: Jodi on July 10, 2002 5:30 PM

Jodie,

Are yew callin' me a clod?

And I thought you would of reckonized me by the way I always put my final punctuation before the quotation mark, "like so."

Perhaps this will help...

Offered by: clay stewell on July 10, 2002 5:23 PM

Jacob: I'd prefer if people called me "Sir". At least then I could pretend I'd been knighted by the glorious Queen and thus joined the ranks of Anthony Hopkins and Paul McCartney.

Chief Stewell, Sir: Yes, jackets are required for all gentlemen. But you won't be turned away if you're not wearing one when you enter. The maitre d' will provide you with something. It will be polyester, with wide lapels and a self-belt, to distinguish you from the "real" guests, but at least you'll be able to tell your friends you got in. Then again, clods are not required to wear jackets, so you can always get around the rules that way, if that is your wont.

Offered by: Jodi on July 10, 2002 4:31 PM

So what? I call everyone "Chief." I also fire the little gun I've made with my thumb and forefinger and say "Right back atcha" a lot. My kids call me "Sir." So does the wife.

Are gentlemen required to wear jackets at Duomo?

Offered by: clay stewell on July 10, 2002 4:11 PM

I am just bothered when people older than me call me Sir. I am 24 for peet's sake.

Offered by: Jacob Metcalf on July 10, 2002 3:00 PM

Err... OK, maybe it's my not being American, or maybe I'm just dumb (answers on a postcard or stuck-down envelope) but what did the blank contain?

Logic seems to suggest, "chief", but ya just never know.

Offered by: Max on July 10, 2002 1:52 PM

...Reminds me of that Dave Letterman skit where he takes a camera into the pizza place next to the studio and starts calling everyone "chief". The object of the game, of course, is to see if the person who he's talking to ever says, "Why are you calling me chief?"

I laugh hysterically at that one every time.

Offered by: sc0tt on July 10, 2002 11:50 AM

Woof, indeed. That's right up there with "captain" and "boss." Yak.

Offered by: Kelly on July 10, 2002 11:43 AM

Wait....I thought you were the placekicker on KC's '93 team.

Were you lying about being the first female professional football player?

And if so, how do you explain your punting prowess?

Offered by: aaron on July 10, 2002 10:42 AM