"You use humor to mask your pain."
Someone once actually said this to me.
"If you want to talk about pain, jackass, you will be using a mask to hide the bloody pulp that used to be your face if you don't step away from me right now," I wanted to say.
But I didn't.
Instead, I came home and drowned my pain in five fifths of vodka, a mouthful of pills, an armful of heroin, and four pints of Tofutti.
Last time I checked, no one ever died from laughing. And Max Beerbohm backs me up: "Nobody ever died of laughter." Even though people say they almost did, I don't think anyone has.
There is, however, an infectious disease called "Kuru" (all but wiped out now) that has as one of its symptoms uncontrolled laughter. Here's what happens upon the death of a Kuru victim in certain tribes in Papua, New Guinea, where the disease once flourished:
... the maternal kin were in charge of the dismemberment of the corpse. The women would remove the arms and feet, strip the limbs of muscle, remove the brains, and cut open the chest in order to remove internal organs. Kuru victims were highly regarded as sources of food, because the layer of fat on victims who died quickly resembled pork. Women also were known to feed morsels such as human brains and various parts of organs to their children and the elderly.
The next time someone says something as asinine to me as, "You use humor to mask your pain," he's going to wish he'd died from Kuru, because the tribal women's treatment would've been more merciful than the one I will mete out. Except I won't even wait until he's dead, gasping his last breath by the tip of my uncaring boot.
We'll see who has the last laugh.
Oh, and by the way ... "Laughter is the best medicine," schmuck. Haven't you ever read Reader's Digest? If not, there are plenty of copies in hell for you to enjoy during your stay. So go there.
fresh-baked at 10:49 AMJodi, the comments are just colorful jimmies on the icing of the cake that you've baked up for us. I ADORE you! You know that. The people who post comments are fun...and I like all these cool people you attract to your site. See? It's a loooooooooooooove fest!
Offered by: Joan on July 16, 2002 12:10 AMI use humor to mask my pain, but I also use it as part of this complete breakfast, and to get into those "hard-to-reach" areas.
And Tofutti ROCKS! "Wildberry Supreme" is perhaps the world's most perfect frozen confection.
Offered by: aaron on July 15, 2002 10:07 AMI'm laughing babe.. (said in the best Patsy voice from Absolutely Fabulous).
Offered by: Charlene on July 14, 2002 1:04 AMLOL!! You're killing me!!
;)
Like I always say... fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Offered by: LA on July 14, 2002 12:26 AMSorry, I didn't mean to toss out a non sequitur there. Must be something in the water. Maybe that newfangled flouride I keep hearing about?
Offered by: Scott on July 13, 2002 11:11 PMAll your base are belong to us!
Wait, umm, pay no heed to the man behind the curtain.
Offered by: Scott on July 13, 2002 11:10 PMHa ha!
No one else may laugh. That was the last one.
Offered by: Dan the Goose on July 13, 2002 10:49 PMUhhh, Joan? Do you come here for the comments? Or ... uhhh ...
Hmmm.
Offered by: Jodi on July 13, 2002 8:38 PMHe he he....Kim...Tess....Good Lord, I love this place!
Offered by: Joan on July 13, 2002 8:28 PMJodi, you don't have to wear that mask with me. I know how much you're really hurting inside. It's clear. Your smile is the makeup you wear since your breakup with me.
Oh. Wait. Sorry. I must be channeling Smokey Robinson again.
Offered by: Kim on July 13, 2002 7:10 PMI'm not the sort to say "amen", but Tess, I'm saying it here. A-fucking-men.
Offered by: Jodi on July 13, 2002 5:56 PM"Nobody ever died of laughter."
True!
But, I wonder how many people have died laughing?
Of course I use humor to mask my own pain. It's either that or take to a tall building with a scoped rifle and start plinking idiots off the street. But, sometimes... I use humor just to.. (drum roll please)...
... make people laugh.
But mostly myself. I couldn't really give a rats ass if you think it's funny as long as I do. :)
Offered by: Tess on July 13, 2002 1:13 PMOh, you so don't know me. At all.
Your assessment of your own imagination is, apparently, sorely inaccurate.
Offered by: Jodi on July 13, 2002 11:27 AMIs it just me, or do I sense a lot of pain in this post? For some reason, I have great difficulty imagining you laughing..and I have a great imagination :)
Offered by: BooBoo on July 13, 2002 11:25 AM
