You know, I guess I should, like, expand my newspaper browsing to include something more than just the Weekly World News and Page Six of the New York Post. And stop spending so much time on the internet searching for one-dish no-cook recipes and rainy-day crafts. Or maybe I should just fire my no-good personal assistant. The girl sure can type well and has a great telephone manner, but she's going to have to keep me abreast of all the important news while I'm busy catching up with the backlog of Lifetime movies that I'm just now starting to get around to watching.
I mean, just today I found out about this. How long have you known about it? And when were you planning to tell me?
Green Bay Packer Najeh Davenport allegedly left a little fecal friendliness in a laundry basket in a woman's dormitory closet. And yeah, it's certainly vile, and yeah, this dumb shit certainly does deserve to be treated to a return party favor (yeah, I'm just going right on ahead and assuming he did it -- I just don't like this wishy-washy "allegedly" stuff). But I've got to say that I'm giggling like the infant that Davenport apparently is over this statement, made by his attorney: "The truth will come out in the wash."
Someone, please, provide me with a sidesplittingly hilarious pun on a laundry detergent's name, so I don't have to do it.
fresh-baked at 04:46 PMDoes this make everyone here a pundit? What's the punishment for such punitive actions, Miss Lawrence?
Offered by: Scott on July 16, 2002 5:27 PMJodi:
Sit proudly upon your throne!
Just look at all the folks you have helped to purge themselves of so much crap that has been backing up inside them for who knows how long.
And Davenport - he obviously could never have been a tight end. No wonder he is a full back.
Offered by: The Real Don on July 16, 2002 5:22 PMIf that co-ed had my new Kenmore front-loading washer, she would have never pressed charges and this wouldn't be an issue.
Offered by: Christine on July 16, 2002 2:54 PMI know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I asked for it. Literally.
I'm BOLD over by the responses, though.
(one foot on a banana peel and the other on a rollerskate - hilarity ensues)
Offered by: Jodi on July 16, 2002 12:57 PMJodi, Jodi, Jodi, Jodi, Jodi.....
This is all your fault, you know.
Offered by: aaron on July 16, 2002 11:12 AMIt turns out, he's a repeat offender; This is his turd time this year.
While his lawyers poo-poo'ed the matter, the prosecutor said the state is tired of putting up with this shit. If found guilty, he faces time in a maximum defecatory facility. The attorneys are plunging in to this case quickly to avoid clogging the legal system.
He's facing a pinch, and is expected to flush out other players doing this, so long as he's not pooped-out. Yes, the shit is hitting the fan now, and he's facing an ugly stain on his career. No matter how you look at it, the situation stinks.
The victims are All ready to Shout. One in particular says her grandmother and mother had similar things happen to them as well; It really runs in their jeans. The search for answers have left them void. They're facing the prospect of throwing in the bowel.
One victim was actually happy this was done, and wore her befouled shirt like a banner. Apparently Najeh was something of a celebrity in the area, earning the nickname of "The Foo". And as everyone knows, if "The Foo" shits, wear it.
Offered by: Thomas on July 16, 2002 7:45 AMIt looks like I'm too late to get in with original puns on the US brands. Maybe some UK ones?
"The suspect was described as DAZ-ed and confused. He said the victim shouldn't take it PERSILnally."
Err.. OK, so maybe it doesn't travel well.
Offered by: Max on July 16, 2002 3:07 AMGood God. That is just naaasssty. They should just Wisk him right off to jail.
Who knows why people do things like this, eh? Maybe he just wasn't loved enough as a child. Somebody please give the guy a Snuggle bear. hehe
Offered by: Kelly on July 15, 2002 11:30 PM"If we give it our ALL, we will GAIN the jury's favor and the TIDE will turn in this case."
Wheeeee!
Offered by: Jett on July 15, 2002 8:52 PMWell that's one kind of stain you never see on the detergent commercials. I give it a month before Davenport is the new Tide spokesperson.
Offered by: Dan the Goose on July 15, 2002 8:10 PMHa ha ha, I won't even attempt to come up with anything in light of the CASCADE of punniness that DebC just laid down.
Offered by: stacey on July 15, 2002 7:33 PMI heard that puns were discouraged because they had enough crap to Tide them over and nothing to Gain from them. Of course, the judge may just Bounce the whole thing as frivolous, get my Dreft?
Offered by: DebC on July 15, 2002 5:43 PMThat's just foul! What a dumb-assed move! Oh, the poor man just needs to Cheer up!
Offered by: Scott on July 15, 2002 5:26 PM
