Yesterday I was quite amused to find, among the heap of crap in my Hotmail account, an email from someone regarding a product of his that I wrote about several months ago, before I switched to Movable Type. Because it is not my "policy" to post email from readers or to republish articles other than my own, I won't "share" the contents of his email or the article he attached.
If you are at all the queasy type, you may wish to read it before or after you eat, depending on the heartiness of your constitution. It's not that off-putting, actually. It's just that I don't want people to complain later that they couldn't finish their Snackwells® because they got sick to their stomachs while simultaneously reading and munching. (Unrelated Aside: Just eat a real cookie. Fat-free is bullshit-full.)
So without further ado(do), here's the entry.
Enjoy.
fresh-baked at 12:07 PMI followed the link to their website. Did anyone else notice how geeky many of the pictures looked on the testimonial page.
I wonder if these people advocate using vegetation as toilet paper?
Offered by: JEfromCanada on August 1, 2002 10:14 AMJodi, the way you wrote the above, well... it kinda reads like you switched from Nature's Platform to Movable Type. I knew MT was a bit better than Blogger, but I never dreamed it was quite THAT fully-featured.
Offered by: adam on August 1, 2002 2:39 AMI never liked Snackwells anyway ;)
Offered by: Erik on July 31, 2002 11:32 PMYou know what's really, really weird? The "Awful Link of the Day" at www.somethingawful.com today is... you guessed it... Nature's Platform.
Eerie.
Offered by: Elise on July 31, 2002 9:17 PMNot quite as glowing as his other testimonials, is he? Mind you how could he even get close to "I had the exhilarating feeling of being in touch with the primitive life force deep within me. It was a revelation"?!
It's obviously a business where every single customer matters. I wonder how many other referrals he chased down?
Offered by: maddy on July 31, 2002 2:43 PMFor years, American bathroom poetry was influenced by the standard opening statement so poignant and insightful that it has been duplicated across lavatories from Florida to Hawaii; "Here I SIT all broken hearted..." That simple yet beautiful passage has inspired writers from time immemorial.
Now, this "Nature's Platform" enters the literary realm expecting to inspire as much as Sir Thomas Crapper's invention; Such hubris from a new product!
I ask you, friends, how is one supposed to be inspired with such drivel as "Here I SQUAT all broken hearted..." What can fluently be added alliterally with the active verb, "squat"? Lot? Got? No, "squat" is vastly inferior.
It was offered that with the joyous effects of squatting, as purported, then the adjective modifier of "broken hearted" may need to be supplanted with something more upbeat. But what emotion best describes the human condition? Did not a broken heart inspire the most emotional of all song styles, the blues? And what should it be, "Here I squat all a titter, dropped a lot into the shitter?" Bah! It merely sounds crude and of the highest putresence.
In short, Natures Platform may indeed be a step up for bowel evactuation, but it lowers the literary spirit. Truly for the "John Doe" looking for the bliss of inspired works, sorry; There is no joy, John.
Offered by: Thomas on July 31, 2002 2:43 PM
