There are thousands -- perhaps millions -- of ways to piss me off, and the few examples that I've provided here in the past are just a miniscule representation of everything that does. I have no patience for stupidity, bigotry, homophobia, racism, sexism, ageism, and a whole host of other "isms" that I won't even begin to list here. (And please, don't ask me if I can tolerate "j-ism", because just by mentioning it here, I already beat you to the hilarity punch [which is spiked, by the way].)
I touched on this in an entry several months ago (yes, I am again referring you to one of my pre-Movable Type entries, in case you haven't done yourself the grand favor of reading through my archives) in "Fuckin' Jewboy" (which I also linked to on June 14). And as I stated there, and now here, and everywhere, I don't give a fuck, flying or otherwise, what you are or who you are or why or how or when you are. All I care about is if you're a good person or not, "deep down" where it really counts. Are you kind to animals? Are you considerate of other people? Do you treat the planet as if it were a precious, live entity rather than an enormous, overflowing ashtray? Have you brushed your teeth?
I like to "poke fun" at other people's stupidity (and even my own) as much as anyone else. In fact, I may enjoy it more than most people do. But what I do not enjoy, and what I will not tolerate, is when the target of ridicule or censure is someone who cannot help his situation. For instance, I will never make fun of "little people" or join in the raucous laughter that is sure to result from a hilarious night of "midget bowling". If someone's "defect" is something that he can change (such as mossy green teeth or ragged, bitten cuticles), then of course he's fair game.
However, if you really want to piss me off, all you have to do is one simple thing. Tell me that LIFE SUCKS. And then go kill yourself. Or at least run away from me, really fast, because you won't want me to kick you in the place where your balls should be.
I've found that the people who say "life sucks" are usually whining about something they can change. "I'm fat." "No one likes me." "I don't have any friends." Please. One of the dearest people in my life is someone who, years ago, was a drag-down, falling-in-the-street alcoholic. He swilled vodka for breakfast, with a side dish of cigarettes. But did he whine about his situation and drown in a puddle of his own tears? No. One morning he woke up, basically said, "This shit's gotta stop," and swore off the bullshit. Went "cold turkey". And hasn't had a drop to drink or a cigarette since. That was at least 15 years ago. What's more, he did it on his own, without the prodding of anyone but himself and without a "support group". He is truly a remarkable man.
This morning, I saw another remarkable man on TV named Mark. Mark's face was ravaged two years ago by a viral infection and fungus that essentially left him without a face from the upper lip to just above his eyebrows. There is a hole in his head -- a literal hole in his head -- where his face should be. His face looks like an apple with a huge bite taken out of its center. Surgeons gouged out his eyes and nose, all the way back to the lining of his brain, so he would have a chance to live. In addition, he suffered several mini-strokes. But not once, he said, did he ever want to die. So he could live with his incredibly devoted wife, his two sons, and his granddaughter. As he said, "I had to survive, and I was going to survive."
Now, I ordinarily loathe "inspirational" stories, and regard most of it as maudlin manipulation. Sappy sentimentality. I can't stand being told that I should stop dwelling on my own stupid problems just because someone else has bigger, worse problems than mine. But I have to say that this guy, and his wife, Nancy, set an example that everyone would be well-advised to follow.
The next time someone whines that "Life sucks", I'm going to take my fist and shove it in that person's face so he can be reminded that there is someone out there who could be whining that his life sucks but instead is choosing to not just survive, but to live. And not just live -- but love and laugh as well.
So if you want to piss me off, tell me life sucks. Tell me you can't change your lot. Wallow in self-pity.
And then run like hell. Because I'm really fast.
fresh-baked at 11:22 AMMots parlés par bien! Bravo!
Offered by: Mad Genius on August 3, 2002 3:23 PMI'm sure you have seen this ... as you are one bitch that is totally up on what's current... but I'll just pass it along anyway...
B.I.T.C.H
I used to think that B.I.T.C.H.
was a BAD word but not anymore!
When she stands up for herself and her beliefs, they call her a bitch
When she stand up for those she love, they call her a bitch.
When she speak her mind, think her own thoughts,
or do things her own way, they call her a bitch.
When she refuses to tolerate injustice and
speak up against it,she is defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when she takes time for herself
instead of being everyone's maid or when she acts a little selfish.
Being a bitch has meant raising your children to be strong people
who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility,
who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in
and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are.
Being a bitch means that you are free to be the wonderful creature that you are,
with all your own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.
Being a bitch means you won't compromise what's in your heart.
It means you live your life your way.
It means you won't allow anyone to step on you.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
I sure hope Fred can run like hell or faster as a bitch on wheels is not a myth worth fucking around with!
Actually, Don, if he wanted to be technically correct (and from what I can tell he's a real stickler for detail, in addition to being astute, witty, and all-around adorable!), he would have written li'l' instead of lil, not lil' as you indicate. But that's OK. I'm not picky. Just shallow.
Offered by: Jodi on August 3, 2002 12:54 AMRight your are, jodi.
He should have written "What an immature shallow lil' bitch....."
Not that he would have been factually correct, just gramatically correct.
Don't you just hate it when someone shows what a ignorant person he is?
Offered by: Don on August 3, 2002 12:42 AMThe next time someone wants to slam me, by the way, he should know that the correct indefinite article to use before a word that begins with a vowel is "an", not "a".
What aN asshole.
Offered by: Jodi on August 2, 2002 5:09 PMActually, Tess, I was so thrilled to read "well endowed" that I didn't read past that!
But now that I did (read past that), I'm just tickled that you think I'm mature!
Because we all know that I'm really just shallow and mean-spirited. And yes, of course, a "lil bitch".
Offered by: Jodi on August 2, 2002 5:03 PMOh, and isn't it odd how I perceived your comments so differently? I perceived them as deep and coming from someone well endowed with maturity. I hope you weren't disappointed that I said "with maturity" at the end of that. :)
Offered by: Tess on August 2, 2002 5:00 PMWell said. I'm speechless. Spooky, I know. :)
Offered by: Tess on August 2, 2002 4:59 PMDon't you just hate comment trolls? And an anonymous troll at that. What a jackass.
Offered by: Kelly on August 2, 2002 4:45 PMWell said Jodi. I too am one of the people who believe that if you aren't happy, then do something to change it, or accept your situation and move on. I don't have any pity for the people who tell me they can't change. The worst I think I've ever seen was a woman who was 200+ pounds overweight. She came into the gym I was at and asked for a consultation. I told her what she needed to do, and that I would gladly take her on as a client free of charge. She looked at me and said "Well nothing I do is going to change me, I'm fat, and thats what I am. I don't want to have to workout, I can't workout, I am destined to be this way...life just sucks."
She could walk..so why couldn't she walk as much as she could until she could do no more? She could do chair exercises to make herself burn some calories. I just didn't understand it. I probably never will.
Bravo to you DesertMermaid for losing the 100+ pounds. I too was once in your position and lost it all. It's worth doing, I'll tell you that much!
Offered by: Amanda on August 2, 2002 3:31 PMNow everyone's going to know I watched Maury! Oh, the scandal!!!
Offered by: Jodi on August 2, 2002 2:38 PMI missed Maury today, but it was a rerun. That guy was incredible, and his wife was amazing. I can't say I would expect such devotion from my wife, given the same circumstances.
Offered by: JEfromCanada on August 2, 2002 2:11 PMWow. He sure is opinionated. And therefore, cool.
Offered by: aaron on August 2, 2002 1:51 PMAmen, sister!
I don't have a chronic, debilitating disease. I'm a pretty "normal" person, who paid her own way through college, and worked her way up the corporate ladder to lower management before checking out to be self-employed. I've recreated myself and my life several times. I spent years paying off debts instead of filing for bankruptcy in my 20s (sometimes I have to learn the hard way). I moved across the country and started working for myself as a writer instead of complaining about how much I hated my corporate job. And now, I'm losing 100+ pounds because I don't like the way my health is headed.
I'm not a hero or a role model, but by god, if I can change my life and take responsibility for my own happiness, anyone can. And should, if you ask me.
Offered by: Desert Mermaid on August 2, 2002 1:46 PMJodi, I do believe that you said what many think but never take the time to voice and, might I add, said it very well.
Life DOESN'T suck, it's one hell of a ride if you choose to actually live it and don't hide away in your shell somewhere. Ya just have to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. It's that darn sudden stop at the end that sucks. But I for one plan on riding it out for all it's worth.
Keep telling it like it is darlin' maybe it will seep into some of those thick skulls out there.
Offered by: Jack(jj) on August 2, 2002 1:41 PMNo, here's the comedy.
And this is pretty damned hilarious too.
If you want to tell Fred how cute he is, tell him here: fred@iglou.com.
Offered by: Jodi on August 2, 2002 1:32 PMDidn't Fred Alan used to work with Jack Benny? I think that was supposed to be comedy.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Anyway, I agree with you, Jodi - but it doesn't piss me off as much as it makes me pity the person. If they don't have the mental capacity to understand that they can change their life - or the desire to even want to, then I personally think they are probably even more handicapped than those "little people" you spoke of.
Offered by: aaron on August 2, 2002 12:45 PMPliers? No no no... serious excavation work must be done to remove said stick. I think they those mine drills in Pennsylvania are currently available ...
Offered by: LA on August 2, 2002 12:43 PMWell, if it isn't a cynical bastard who is too ball-less to give a real email address. Tell you what, why don't give us a reason WHY you feel Jodi is shallow, and maybe we can dignify your comment with a true rebuttal? Or are you so afraid that you entire arument would crumble like a house made of sugar cubes that you simply take pot-shots at people you don't even know.
Here's some pliers; Go pull that stick out of your ass.
Offered by: Thomas on August 2, 2002 12:14 PMBravo!! I, for one, can not deal with people who refuse to get out of their own way... and whine about it when bad stuff happens.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as fate - you make your own decisions.
You're dead a long time ... might as well make the most of life while you can.
What a immature shallow lil bitch.....
Offered by: FredAlan on August 2, 2002 11:55 AM
