Just because I live here in hip 'n' swingin' Manhattan doesn't mean I'm always out at the posh clubs with all the wannabes, has-beens, and never-weres who all clamor for a split second of attention from the bona fide fat cats and heavy-hitting hipsters. It doesn't mean I attend every fabulously glam movie premiere, flanked by my girls Gwynnie and Chelsea Clinton, all of us dressed not only to the nines but to the tens, twelves, and beyond, in our Earl Jeans, Jimmy Choos, halter tops, and body glitter.
No, some nights I stay in with my Celebrity Boyfriend Whose Privacy I Must Respect and a couple of gal pals, and watch really really really bad movies. Like tonight. Tonight we treated ourselves to perhaps the worst pay-per-view experience we've had since the time we chose to anesthetize ourselves by watching "Scary Movie 2". Tonight we sat through 81 minutes of something that should have been good for at least a few well-placed guffaws, given its cast. Tonight we were disappointed.
Tonight we watched "Orange County". "Schtick dreck" is perhaps too kind an assessment.
Not only was I repeatedly traumatized by the sight of Jack Black's unsupported package sadly sagging in dingy white briefs, but dismayed that a cast with so much going for it went absolutely nowhere with this poor excuse for entertainment.
Gwynnie did laugh a few times, though. When I turned to stare at her in shocked disappointment at her lack of good taste and judgment (not only for her taste in movies but for her poor choice in shirts), she swore she was only laughing out of respect for her one-time co-star. But I know otherwise.
She's out there now, and wants to watch something on "Animal Planet". I love when she tries to get back into my good graces!
fresh-baked at 10:01 PMI only live an hour and a half from OC (it used to be closer.....but somehow, now, it actually takes me LONGER to drive LESS distance....
I have always loved OC the county (Hi Matt!!!). I have always loved the people. I NEVER wanted to see the movie. I probably won't bother now.
Offered by: Joan on August 4, 2002 4:50 AMFor the same reasons you expected Orange County to be good (ie. the cast list), plus the trailer, I rented it on DVD a few weeks ago.
I loved Jack Black in High Fidelity, and Catherine O'Hara was brilliant in Waiting For Guffman and Best In Show, plus a bunch of other cameo appearances.
In the end, the one funny bit in the trailer (Jack Black doing a funky come-on to a video camera) was not only not in the movie, it wasn't in the extras on the DVD either.
Orange County sucked the big one. It had so much potential, given, as you say, the cast, but it totally wasted it.
They also totally wasted the talent of Jack Black.
Offered by: Max on August 4, 2002 2:39 AMDesert Mermaid's right. I've been an Orangecountian for over two years now, and I know absolutely nothing about it. I had been hoping to keep it that way.
Offered by: Dan the Goose on August 4, 2002 12:57 AMIt sounds simply horrible. I live a mere 8 hour drive from the said location, Orange County, and while I love visiting there, I stay away from the native wildlife. Instead, I enjoy myself at the marina in Dana Point, where I have been known to take a whale sighting excursion. I also camp on that beach, in cognito in my pop-up tent pulled from my SUV, along with some firewood so I can cook my own burgers for dinner. (Sometimes, though, I just drive across the Pacific Coast Highway (or PCH to the initiated) to pick up an A's burger which is ultimately tasty and quicker.) I also spend time at some of the local shopping centers, where only the most serious hunter/gatherers attend, often dragging their men in tow, which gives me a chance to overhear some truly inspiring conversations about home decorating vs. budget decisions. The hunter/gatherer nearly always wins, as it should be. I stop at a flower stand along the PCH and select a huge bouquet of the best California flowers that will grace my home for the following week, leaving me with a scented reminder of my brief transit into OC.
But I never engage the local wildlife directly. In fact, I've been known to watch the surfers from the San Clemente pier area, but I always keep my distance. I know they wear those ankle leashes for a reason, and while they may say it keeps the surf board from getting lost, I know that they are truly home confinement anklets applied by the local wildlife containment bureau (OC Corrections Department) and that the wearers are showing up as blips on a radar screen somewhere inside the bowels of the said wildlife containment bureau HQ.
I know all of these things because, after all, I'm not from Orange County, I'm only visiting there.
Offered by: Desert Mermaid on August 4, 2002 12:14 AMAnd I'm the luckiest man alive.
Offered by: Eddie on August 4, 2002 12:03 AMI will now give away the identity of the Celebrity boyfriend Who's Privacy She Must Respect: famous character actor Eddie Deezen!
Offered by: Finny on August 3, 2002 10:20 PM
