This morning, in a fit of immediate thirst, and in a rather uncharacteristic moment of indiscrimination, I drank a splash of water from the bathroom faucet, in my cupped hands, rather than walking the 14 miles to the kitchen for an actual glass of Evian.
One time I drank from the kitchen faucet when there was no alternative. I used a glass that time, and the amount of water was perhaps just a few ounces, probably a bit more than what I drank from my palms today.
Why is it that the bathroom water tasted ... different?
Now, my hands are always clean, because I drink so much water that I make at least a dozen trips to the ladies room a day and thus wash them at least that many times (yeah, I do it at home, kids, in hot water, with soap, even when no one's watching!), so I'm certain my hands had nothing to do with the way the water tasted.
I came out of the bathroom scowling, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, and plodded to the kitchen, saying, "Jesusfuckingchrist. Why does it taste like that? I may as well have just dunked my head in the toilet and gone to town ... like a dog!"
Taxi looked up from the newspaper he was reading, regarded me over the top of his reading glasses, and said, with more than just a drop of disdain, "Excuse me?" Pushed his coffee cup across the kitchen table for a refill, not once taking his stony eyes off my reddened face. And refused to answer my question.
So now I'm up to my neck in hot water, and damn it, it doesn't taste too good.
fresh-baked at 09:10 PMMad Genius: My shaman is nowhere to be found, that no-good ne'er-do-well, so the local lobotomist is seeing me at 1:00 today to excise that part of my brain responsible for retaining the memory of yesterday's horror. I just hope he doesn't remove too much, like last time, when I went in for removal of the memory of an episode involving some schmuck and a little cup of chewing tobacco spittle and wound up searching for my wallet in a three-day frenzy.
Offered by: Jodi on August 6, 2002 11:46 AMGasp!
There was an orthographic error in my previous comment! Please substitute throughout with thorough.
Breathe. Breathe. Remember to breathe. The ground is solid. Your feet are firmly planted upon it. Breathe.
Offered by: Mad Genius on August 6, 2002 11:17 AMDear!
I was hoping that you'd end this post with: ...and so I awakened from that ghastly nightmare in my chic Manhattan flat with perfect hair and the sweetest of dispositions.
Shudder! I understand your terror. I will only drink morning dew gathered from perfect, unpollinated white roses.
Have you called your shaman? Have you a good water shaman? You must undergo a throughout ritual of purification; your body and soul must be cleansed. And by that I don't mean a one-hour appointment in the hands of a capable colonist and an extra session with your analyst. The water gods must be appeased. Offers must be made; sacrifices performed; sacred herbs burned on hallowed embers.
I am too dismayed to continue. The horror! The sheer horror!
Offered by: Mad Genius on August 6, 2002 11:08 AMI'm with Chris. Vodka is a perfectly healthy water substitute.
Offered by: Dan the Goose on August 6, 2002 4:41 AMWhen I first moved to Austin, I could not possibly deal with the taste of the water here. I got used to it, but then got spoiled by the bottled water delivery service, and now I hate the taste of the tap water. It makes funky tasting ice, too.
Offered by: Addlepated on August 6, 2002 3:28 AMIs Taxi your D.O.G. or your dog? I'm assuming that unless he's a Border Collie, the newspaper indicates he is the former, rather than the latter.
Offered by: Max on August 6, 2002 2:43 AMA splash of scotch and you won't even know the difference.
Offered by: Chris on August 5, 2002 10:13 PM
