All I had to do was pop it in the microwave. And that's all I did. I swear. I made a 1" slit in the plastic wrap, microwaved it for 5 minutes on HIGH, turned it 1/2 a turn, cooked it for 3 more minutes, and then waited for it to cool another 3 minutes.
So why did I have to pry it from its paper container with a spatula, a steak knife, and a fair amount of "elbow grease"?
OK, so maybe I allowed it to cool for an additional five minutes ... but still ... why does the slumped pile on the plate look like the ugly long-lost twin of the lasagna pictured on the box? Why does the lasagna on the box look twice as tall as the container in which it was packaged? Is this the "ten pounds" they say the camera adds to its subjects?
My lunch looked sadly amorphous and embarrassed on the plate, compared to the perfectly rectangluar and proud lasagna displayed on the box. It couldn't hide beneath the lustrous layer of melted soy cheese promised on the box. And yes, of course I know that the stuff that came out of the microwave didn't benefit from primping and preening, toothpick-bolstering, leafy garnish, studio lighting, and six hours of fussing and whatever the hell else goes on behind the scenes when they take pictures of food for presentation on boxes for retail sale. But still, shouldn't it have turned out better than this? I mean, come on.
Some other time I'll tell you another microwave story, where I was completely to blame for the resulting mayhem, but trust me when I tell you that today I wasn't. Today I'm blaming Amy.
Anyway, I apologized to my food and ate it quickly. "Oh, you're fine," I assured it after the first bite. "You're delicious anyway."
(But still.)
fresh-baked at 09:45 PMAnd yes, Amy, I have tried your pot pies ... but they kept, like, soaking the rolling papers 'n' stuff.
Offered by: Jodruggie on August 7, 2002 10:31 AMListen, Amy ... I sent a recipe for authentic, bona fide vegetarian lasagna to a fella named Aaron a couple of months ago, so he knows I actually do make this stuff myself sometimes. All right? Jeeeez. Go do, like, some yoga or somethin', 'k?
Offered by: Jodi on August 7, 2002 10:25 AMOkay, Jodi. This is the last time I'm going to tell you this.
THE PICTURE ON THE BOX IS JUST A SERVING SUGGESTION.
That's it. Just a suggestion of how you should SERVE my food. Not, I repeat NOT, how the food actually looks. It says so right on the box. See? In the lower right hand corner. "Serving Suggestion." Now, if you were to serve our microwaveable food to someone important - say, the Prime Minister of Canada - then we suggest that you do your best to make the food look presentable. Of course, if your meal requires "presentation," then we also "suggest" that you cook your own damn food. Seriously, it's not hard. Some noodles, some ricotta-flavored tofu, some red sauce (I highly recommend "Uncle Dave's" if you want a chunky, fresh-tasting sauce) a few shredded carrots and/or zucchini, and sprinkle some soy mozzarella on top, and it should look a lot closer to the picture on our box.
Not to mention the fact that we're already 5 or 6 times more expensive than your average micorwaveable dinner. If we had to make the food actually look nice too? Fuggetaboudit!! Ten bucks, minimum.
Oh - quick memo to this "Clark" fellow...I think you've got it backwards. Jodi is way out of your little "Mr. Noodle's" league. Or leage, or whatever.
Offered by: Amy (of "Amy's") on August 7, 2002 10:03 AMNow you know why being a food stylist is such a hard job! Way harder to make food look good than designer dresses.
Offered by: Suzy on August 7, 2002 9:39 AMUm, well, um...it all looks the same in your stomach anyway! Ok, I'm going back to work now.
Offered by: tim on August 7, 2002 7:57 AMI was just about to say "what's a leage?". But, no. I won't either.
It's always good to give your meal a bit of affirmation before you eat it. "Oh, you look lovely!" "Mmmmm looks delicious". That sort of thing. It makes it taste that much better.
Offered by: Nancy on August 7, 2002 12:01 AMThe ridiculous thing is that I am a quite good cook, on the oh so rare occasions when I choose to actually do it. It's microwaving that vexes me.
Clark: I never met a noodle I couldn't handle. (And it was lunch, not dinner.) (I'm also tempted to say that I'll learn how to microwave when you learn how to spell. But I'm not going to say it. No. I'm not. I'm not!)
Offered by: Jodi on August 6, 2002 11:29 PMAh ha! I figured it out. Unlike the photo on the box, you failed to include garnish!
Offered by: Shawn on August 6, 2002 11:26 PMMan you're a bad cook eh? I mean come on... you screwed up a microwave dinner? Sounds like Mr. Noodle is out of your leage. Why don't you stick to bread and carrots - that's pretty easy ;)
Offered by: clark on August 6, 2002 11:25 PMThat's hilarious! :)
Offered by: Tess on August 6, 2002 10:46 PM
