The following tidbits are brought to you courtesy of my customary disdain, provoked by the daily visit to the gym.
- Madame X: Later, when you're just about to push B6 on the vending machine in the office kitchen, and one of The Girls ribs you about how you should maybe just have a piece of fruit or hahahaha split your snack with her hahahaha, are you going to brag about how you spent an hour and a half at the gym, and neglect to mention that 75 of those minutes were spent exercising your jaw and not your body?
- Trainer to the Pillsbury Doughgirl: May I suggest that before you have your client do that thing where you bounce a weighted ball at her and she feebly heaves it back at you, drops down to do a wobbly "squat thrust" and then a pushup where her back sags and she barely makes it down an inch, you first show her how to do a proper jumping jack?
In addition, please take another look at the memo, dated Monday, April 7, 1986, distributed on a planet-wide basis, in which the world at large was advised that the sort of sit-ups you inflict on your clients are incredibly bad for the entire body, including the "abs" they are supposed to develop, and ultimately do more harm than good.
- Stud: If your desire is to appear brawnily sexy, as I suspect it is given the way you insist on glancing at me every time you complete all of your "reps", perhaps you would benefit from knowing that the florid face that results from holding your breath, the grimaces attendant thereto, and your inability to do a single perfect pushup all conspire to make me envision the same pathetic configuration in the bedroom, where you would wish to have me.
Sorry, Jodi. I wasn't a dedicated student at St. Joseph High School. I could merely muster a 1260 on my SAT's. I have, however, had my IQ independently tested and it is indeed at 155. (Much to my chagrin, the test on the internet, for all it's bluster and pop-up ads for "complete test results for $19.95", did an accurate job of measuring me; Identifying me as "genius", but I place no stock in such arbitrary labels.)
Offered by: Thomas on August 12, 2002 7:55 AMI agree with the guys here. I don't feel emasculated by Jodi's comments. I see them as attacking gym poseurs, jocks and the like. Bravo! Keep it up.
Offered by: Max on August 9, 2002 7:06 PMWell, unless I can do 860 crunches, I guess I'm in trouble. I think I can eat 860 strawberries. Oh, wait...that was the other one, right?
Does inner strength count?
I didn't think so...
Offered by: Jamie on August 9, 2002 5:56 PMBoys boys boys ... If you really want to impress the lady (uhhh, that'd be ... me, or, really, "I", if you want to be grammatically correct), your SAT scores will have to surpass the number of crunches you can do in one session.
So what'll it be? Brains ... or brawn?
Impress me. Go on. (Yes, I am challenging you.)
P.S. This means you too, Jamie. (Don't forget, Jamie, I know your score.)
Offered by: Jodi on August 9, 2002 4:55 PMI was hoping "Ol' Blue Eyes" would have stuck around with us long enough to do a version of Baha Men's classic, "Who let the dogs out?"
"Who let them doggies LOOSE...
Who, who whooooooooo...
Who let those wacky pups go..."
Offered by: Thomas on August 9, 2002 2:20 PMVery similar. Sort of like the Sinatra version of Old McDonald where he screws up the last time he sings it, and says "O-I-O-I-O" instead of "E-I-E-I-O"
Only with less I's.
And a "yah!" at the end.
Offered by: aaron on August 9, 2002 1:57 PMaaron,
Is that like "E-I-E-I-O?"
Offered by: jamie on August 9, 2002 1:45 PM...but I am! Watch....
"UGGGGNGHHGNG!!!"
"RRRRARRRRRGH!!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEYAH!!!!"
Offered by: aaron on August 9, 2002 1:37 PMIs...is that a new necklace? Cuz I never noticed it before. Maybe I'm just a little slow.
Anyway, it really sets off your eyes. And I'm not just hitting on you.
Offered by: Jamie on August 9, 2002 1:14 PMLooking big, Aaron; Looking big...
One more set of paragraphs! C'mon! You can do it!
(And I know that at least one woman appreciates brains, and wit, over sheer brawn. It's just us less than "perfect bodied", carnivorous, blameless, litigiousless and intelligent men MAY be a wee bit sensitive when Jodi seems to lay the literary scythe down on those of lean AND those of size. Not all of us can be like you, Aaron, and to think otherwise displays hubris of proportions only equal to the rancor in which it inspires in others.)
Offered by: Thomas on August 9, 2002 12:19 PMThomas -
I'm within that 3-state radius, and I am not emasculated at all! In fact, I have a greater sense of - dare I say - "manlyness" now (I have no idea how to spell that) because I, and many guys just like me, do not derive our entire self-worth from our ability to do "reps," and seeing Jodi so eloquently shoot those guys down reminds us that some women do appreciate brains too.
And anyone who puts that much of their own stock into "showing off at the gym" really deserves to be emasculated. So hooray for us guys who can do the "reps" but would rather not grunt and holler and attract all sorts of attention doing it, because it's not the only thing we can do.
Me? I grunt and holler and groan while writing.
So Thanks (UNNNGGH!) Jodi, for a (ARRRRR!) great post (NNNNNGGGG!) today!
Offered by: aaron on August 9, 2002 11:58 AMWell, that seems to have emasculated any penis bearing person within a 3 state radius.
Glad I'm tucked away in icy cold Michigan where my much less than perfect body fat ratio can be explained away as "necessary survival gear".
Offered by: Thomas on August 9, 2002 11:33 AM
