Pop to It
All right, so it's Monday, and already the day sucks and so does your week. There's a bunch of crap on your desk that you didn't leave there on Friday afternoon when you fled that dump masquerading as an office. Already you want to go home or at least hide in the file room, jam your face into a file, and scream like there's no tomorrow. Because right now, you can barely figure out how you're going to get through this day, let alone tomorrow. Shit's hitting all kinds of fans, so you're already knee-deep in a bunch of kaka.
Well, before you run off to the file room, or into the stairwell, or into the restroom, or wherever it is you go for momentary escape, and count to ten before exploding (P.S. don't believe it -- it doesn't work!), take one of these. (That's right. Take a whole box!) But you'll have to eat it/them "raw", unless there's a toaster where you're planning to hide.
Glad I could help.
fresh-baked at 10:20 AM
I must say that I'm disappointed they stopped making the unfrosted blueberry kind. They were so good! :(
Please, sir. I want some more.
Here, Kelly. I've unwrapped one for you. Go on!
(I prefer them "raw".)
Ahem. I've never eaten a pop tart. Ever.
I don't think Jodi brought us any of the beef variety, MG - but I think I saw Max grab a box of Cod (with tartar sauce frosting!)
I'd love to have one, but Tess just barfed on me. Nice, huh?
PS Please be careful with the toaster and your Pop Tart. I've heard they can catch fire and burn your office down. Oh, wait, that might be a good thing.
Say, are any of those beef-filled?
Damn could I use a break with one of those today. I could just cook them up on one of the processors that's pegged right now in the server room. Thanks for the diversion!
I found out early on in my "Subway Jared/Slimfast eating habit readjustment" that unlike Pop Tarts, Slimfast breakfast bars do NOT turn warm and yummy in a toaster.
I've also learned that in-house repair technicians get far less sex than the porn industry would have you believe, that cats don't care much for cold human flesh and that the sun is God and should be worshipped and feared as such.
Brown Sugar Pop Tarts are very good when raw. I actually prefer all Pop Tarts raw. The thought of the filling being warm and gooey makes my stomach turn.
And there was I, thinking this was going to be an article about Christina Aguliera and Britney Spears.
They also used to make Peanut Butter and Jelly Pop-Tarts as well....they were yummy...unless my memory is serving me unwell today.
You can't have the Brown Sugar Cinnamon ones! They're all mine, I tell you! ALL MINE!
*rev clutches the box to her chest, panting and glaring back and forth paranoiacally*
Does anyone remember the chocolate vanilla cream pop tarts? They ROOLED! I can't find them anymore *pout*. Just as well. Would just mean more time at the gym.
ahhhh, to be a kid again with a kid's metabolism.
any chocolate ones left??
TO: Jo D. Verse
FROM: Kellogs Corporation
RE: Unauthorized use of Kellogg's trademarks
Dear Ms. Verse:
It has come to our attention that you have integrated the intellectual property of Kelloggs Corporation into your website without prior authorization. Specifically, we refer to the inclusion of an image of Kelloggs Pop Tarts (tm) displayed at the URL http://jodiverse.com.
As we wish to resolve this matter without pursuing litigation, we offer you two options, either of which will bring you into compliance with Kelloggs' Copyright & Registration Acceptable Use Policy (CRAuP):
a. Immediately cease and decist using said image and all other registered marks of Kelloggs Corporation on your website
b. Remand a licensing fee to Kelloggs Corporation in the amount totalling $12,324.42 multiplied by the average number of "hits" your site receive per day to the power of the mean population of your city of residence, as reflected by the past five years census reports. This amount will be due payable by yesterday at 5:00 PM CST.
We eagerly await your decision.
Wi Su Yu, Esquire,
Also, if you rushed out the door in a Monday Morning Fog and forgot your deordorant, the "frosting" can be smeared into your armpits, and you'll be smelling strawberry-fresh all day long!! (Just don't try this with one that's freshly-heated.)
Keep the toaster clean, too, kidz! Not like the microwave in the office kitchen, where the splatters have become a permanent part of the interior.
I always keep an extra toaster kicking around for situations like this.
Just make sure you clean out the crumb tray when you are done...and if you turn the darkness up, make sure you turn it back down, nothing worse than the smell of burnt Pop-Tart.