Dear Faithful Readers:
Everything is fine. I am being treated well. My captors are very nice.
I am safe. I will be kept out of danger as long as you comply with their demands:
- a non-expirable Macy's gift certificate in the amount of $1,500,000
- one foot-long Italian hoagie (a/k/a "sub" or "hero") with oil and no mayo, small bag of WOW! chips
- one smoked turkey on rye (with seeds) with romaine (NO TOMATO or mayo or I die) and stoneground mustard, small bag of Baked Lays (barbecue)
- one toasted "everything" bagel piled high with Nova lox, a shmear of cream cheese, and a slice of Vidalia onion, with pickled herring on the side
- One case of Diet Mountain Dew
- One 2-liter bottle of Frank's Black Cherry Wishniak soda
Leave everything at the northwest corner of 34th and Fifth Avenue at 8:00 this evening, or you'll never see me or my site again.
P.S. Also bring me a big iced cofffat8798oeiogualueiyeuyHELPdaiufpdufpuMduapfudufPLEASE;dkfjadf;akfj9d
Ah. You have houseguests I see!
This is too funny. I'll be in "Nu Yawk" next spring. Beware!!
Offered by: Joni on October 9, 2002 1:24 PMI feel I must alleviate your collective concerns about Miss Jo. D. Verse.
Earlier today, I did - in fact - have a brief chat via instant messenger with the diva herself. It was a brief chat, but I feel confident that she's still in one piece.
I predict a release from captivity later today.
That is all.
Offered by: Kelly on October 9, 2002 12:55 PM(I see they're prepared for my arival by providing the Diet Dew.)
Greetings exalted ones. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Thomas, Jodi Knight, and friend of Jodi. I know that you are powerful, mighty Thugs, and that your anger with Jodi must be equally powerful. I seek an audience with your greatness to bargain for Jodi's life. With your wisdom, I'm sure we can work out an agreement that will be mutually beneficial and allow us to avoid any unpleasant confrontation. As a token of my goodwill I present to you a gift, these two droids. Both are hard working and will serve you well
Offered by: Thomas on October 9, 2002 8:30 AMAre you sure you meant “looker” and not “hooker”?
what?
Offered by: jhames on October 8, 2002 9:36 PMYou think we're feeding her, Max? None of the food is for her. Where in the list of demands was that indicated?
Offered by: The Thugs on October 8, 2002 9:15 PMwow.
someone should... do something.
indeed.
go call Someone, i bet they'd want to know about this. Someone always knows what to do.
Offered by: illiteratescholar on October 8, 2002 8:42 PMI don't think they really have Jodi.
The list of demands includes a turkey sandwich for her. She's a strict vegetarian. I still remember her reaction to me describing a chicken dish I was cooking
Offered by: Max on October 8, 2002 8:30 PMDear Thugs:
I will meet your demands but you must prove that you have the real Jodi by leaving her remaining eyebrow [plucked, not shaved] in a royal blue, silk lined presentation box. Please leave the evidence in the southeast corner of Bleecker and Cornelia Streets by 8:00 PM.
Offered by: Mad Genius on October 8, 2002 7:50 PMGym? You think we're letting her go to the gym? C'mon. We're not THAT accommodating.
If the ransom demands are not met tonight, we will force her to work in a high-rise in an office with ugly carpet and women who wear plastic earrings.
She's a nice kid (and quite a looker). Don't force us to take drastic action.
Offered by: The Thugs on October 8, 2002 6:44 PMYou are such a drama queen. How was the gym today?
Offered by: Zuly on October 8, 2002 6:34 PMOh mama! You make me want to come to New York and rescue you.....I wish I could help. Really. I'm serious!
Offered by: Joan on October 8, 2002 6:33 PMMy God, honey, did you up and do something stupid like get a job? You’re beginning to read like a corporate cog! Get off the office desk and come with me. We’ll get some nice pedicures.
Offered by: jhames on October 8, 2002 6:31 PM
