I'm plotzing. Yes.
You see, what I really fear is that the shindig is going to blow. And suck. And stink. I fear it will be like one of Mary Richards' parties, where there's not enough food or something and everyone stands around with thumbs up their asses (their own asses, not anyone else's -- remember, this is a party and not an orgy, kids), and Mary (or Jodi, in this case) winds up fretting in the kitchen, wringing her hands, and crying to Lou Grant (a life-size cardboard cut-out of Ed Asner, in this case).
You see, I fear it will suck because I know about this much about designing web pages (I can set HTML tables about as well as I can set a dinner table, i.e. "The fork goes where?") and virtually nothing about "Flash" or anything else that would give a web page any sort of dynamic interactive participation, or whatever the hell they call it.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is this: The so-called party isn't going to come with "bells and whistles" that you could find on another site. It won't dance, it won't sing, it won't include an embedded MIDI. It won't blink, it won't wink, it won't scroll. It won't jump up and down. It won't do the fucking hokey-pokey. It will, in all likelihood, just be a simple black background (no wood panelling, as I had thought would be jauntily hilarious) with a delicious buffet and a, uh, gift table. And when I say "table", I don't want you to expect some sort of image map that makes a fun sound whenever something is clicked. No, it'll just be clickable static images.
So anyway, there you have it. Jodi, apologizing in advance for her lack of party-planning skills. She is the hostest with the mostest when it comes to the word thing, but when it comes to the web-designing thing, well, that's another story that she can't even start to write or approach.
Maybe what Mother really needs is to run to the shelter of a little helper.
Beg me to keep the party thing alive ... before I wind up crying in the bathroom and refusing to come out, even though I'll be wearing a fabulous palazzo pantsuit and have my hair done up all pretty and stuff.
Tell me I can really turn the world on with my smile. Tell me I'm gonna make it after all. OK?
fresh-baked at 08:47 AMhahaha...
I guess no one will be paying any attention to the sushi chef that I sent Jodi...
Midgets, Redi-Whip and Edible Panties...
*sigh* I hope I get to the party in time to .... watch.. yah.. watch..
Offered by: Deb on October 25, 2002 12:59 PM...and you'll have to change your handle to Sassy McSmartediblepanties...
Offered by: Thomas on October 25, 2002 10:20 AMSassy, you do count, but you have to stay down here. We'll get someone under 4'6" for the Redi-Whip duties.
Offered by: Thomas on October 25, 2002 10:18 AMI'm not even 5'1. Do I count?
Offered by: Sassy McSmartpants on October 25, 2002 9:35 AMOK, I found Astroglide and a tarp. Now all I have to do is hire the midget, get her case of Redi-Whip and find some way to suspend her by wire from the ceiling. It's never a party unless you have a naked female midget dangling above, cackling and spraying everyone with a dairy based cream topping.
Offered by: Thomas on October 25, 2002 7:37 AMI too loved Mary and her gang :-)
A party wouldn't DARE be any less than wonderful if you give it, and besides your friends come to your party to celebrate YOU and not the decorations (if any). I'm looking forward to the party and do hereby most earnestly and sincerely beg, entreat, request, appeal to, urge, exhort, encourage, call upon, petition, implore, beseech and plead with you not to cancel it.
Offered by: Æmilius (Emilio Fischman) on October 25, 2002 5:44 AMBring whatever you like, Nicole. You know I'm always up for a good mushroom dip. A shroom with a Jew, indeed!
(The way things are going now, kids, the shindig probably won't start until sometime around ... oh, I'd say ... 2007.)
Offered by: Jodi on October 24, 2002 11:53 PMShall I bring a luscious, creamy mushroom dip?
Mmmmm so warm and creamy and thick....
Offered by: Nicole on October 24, 2002 6:34 PMThomas, Astroglide will suffice for both. Then you're...ahem...covered no matter what.
Jodi, if you're afraid you can't turn the world on with a smile, let me assure you, you most defintely can turn the world on with that hottie pilates bod of yours.... Or maybe that's just me you're turning on....
So, um. How about them Giants, eh? (I'm rooting for the Angels though.)
Offered by: Sassy McSmartpants on October 24, 2002 5:37 PMI never know whether to bring KY or anal lube to an orgy.
Offered by: Thomas on October 24, 2002 4:49 PMJodi,
Just make the party an orgy. No one will notice if the decorations are flashy or not!
Offered by: Sally on October 24, 2002 4:01 PMYou've got spunk. I hate spunk.
Offered by: tim on October 24, 2002 2:24 PMDear Jodi,
I will not be able to attend the blog party. Ever since the "incident" at the last party, I do not think I can show my face at one of your events again.
Please except my apologies.
Dan
Offered by: Daniel on October 24, 2002 1:05 PMP.S. Allison: The nail polish is "Wicked", not black! (Will you wear the cheerleading get-up when we get together for dinner? Please!?)
Offered by: Jodi on October 24, 2002 12:47 PMAdvice from Anna Leo:
Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid.
While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows
I'm afraid.
...
Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are....
Because Jodi...
Who can turn the world Jodiverse on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day,
And suddenly make it all seem worth-while?
Well it's you girl and you should know it,
With each glance and every little movement,
You've shown it.
Oh my god. You're all even gayer and more retarded than I originally thought!!!
Hurrah!
Yay!
Keep up the good work!
Offered by: Jod-a-GoGo on October 24, 2002 11:58 AMoh.. and don't panic.
just run out into the street... spin around once.. and throw up your silly knit hat. [make sure a cop is watching.. this WILL help!]
*hums the MTM theme song*
Offered by: Deb on October 24, 2002 11:02 AMTwo.
Four.
Six.
Eight!
Who do we appreciATE???
Jodi!
JODI!!
JO.....DI!!!!
Offered by: Deb on October 24, 2002 10:58 AMIt would all be worth it if your adoring fans could just once see the woman behind the tender bitchiness (and perhaps see one or two of your personal bite sized bits).
Offered by: Thomas on October 24, 2002 10:25 AMJodi, you can really turn the world on with your smile. You're gonna make it alright. I beg you to keep the party thing alive.
Right, geez, ahem, I hope I didn't overdo it. Just go for it, then, can't wait to see yer with your hair done up all pretty. Yahoo!
Offered by: Leni on October 24, 2002 10:20 AMJ.O.D.I. GO JODI!!! You can do it! Yea, you can do it! I am jumping up and down and wearing a very short cheerleading uniform just for you. Now, take 3 deep breaths and relax. Everything is going to be perfect. Especially the palazzos with that black nail polish. Besides, you don't want us to have to virtually return our gifts, do you?
Offered by: Allison on October 24, 2002 10:01 AMNo panicking! You just need a co-host. Someone who knows Paint Shop Pro and can handle a little html action.
I'm guessing that you've got enough talent in your user-base to have the pahty of the year.
Let me know what I can do to help. Maybe I can provide the wood panelling.
Offered by: Jody on October 24, 2002 9:57 AM
