Can I watch and make mean faces at them? I'm queen of shutting up crying or screaming kids with my "I will kill you" looks. I'm sure it pisses people off that I basically tell their kids to shut up, but someone's gotta.

Sassy, I'd knock over scores of small children for less. Or anything. Or even nothing at all.

gimme...

I have a set of apple sauce gloves that would go great with pork scarf...the mashed potato hat has seen better days though.

Leo, if you have the tambourine, can I play the triangle?

CHOCOLATE RULES! As does our Jodi!

Grateful Fan is correct. Chocolate does NOT wreak havoc with your complexion, unless you happen to have an allergy to it.

Thanks for the links to chocolate. I'll be visiting the city tomorrow and Friday and was at a loss as to what to bring home to my sweet!

I say we form a band.

We could call it "Pork Scarf and the Chocofrocks."

Jodi gets to be the lead singer, but more importantly I CALL THE TAMBOURINE.

I've never seen a dress made out of Chocolate, but I do own a pork scarf.

Teuscher.... oh man. I'd knock over scores of small children for those candied orange slices dipped in chocolate.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you, Mad Genius. There is no evidence to suggest that chocolate, or any food for that matter, causes acne. Unless you bathe in it. Check out http://my.webmd.com/content/article/1671.52672

Leo,

Save for removing and appendix here and a spleen there, my medical knowledge is limited; my chocolate acumen, however, is unrivaled.

Cheap chocolate will bring about repugnant pimples and pestilential flatulence.

Good chocolate will produce a flawless complexion and provide you with blissful defecations.

While I don't want to deviate from the topic too much, I feel that I should. Grateful Fan, while still on the heels of your dermatological lecture, answer this. Is it true that chocolate does cause acne?

A simple yes or no answer will suffice. PLEASE don't get too medical-ese on me, as I didn't sleep a lot last night, and my work would suffer greatly if I were to take a nap now.

Dear Jodi: I am a medical student, and I just had a hour-and-a-half lecture on dermatological disorders. Immediately after lecure, as I looked for a large club-like instrument to hit myself in the eyes with, I happened upon a computer and started surfing your site. The humor was much appreciated and was also sufficiently soothing to dissipate my previous urges for eye-destruction. Thank you.

I'm feeling the love, especially from the 5 page emails of screen shots that filled my inbox MB limit;

Please go ahead and replace the text of my exceptionally long comment with "(Here Thomas goes on for an eternity about something I abso-fucking-lutely feel is humorless/useless.)" And I'm sorry.

Jesus, and I thought my comments were long!
Right, to get on topic, I really just wanted to say I adored the "chocomorrow" word. Hope you don't mind if I borrow it for my ever increasing English vocabulary.

Thomas, I christen thee Comment Troll of the Year.

And you are not a domestic goddess?

A link to the article would have sufficed, by the way.

(It's not even a funny article, though. Feh. Kaka.)

Thomas, please don't force me to put a limit on the number of words per comment.

The word "chocoholic", by the way ... I fucking hate it.

Me, I'm like a Chocoholic... but for Booze... (from The Onion)

Did you ever know a "chocoholic"? One of those folks who just can't get enough chocolate? I bet there's at least one in your home or workplace. At my house, it's my wife Emily. She's got to have her little bowl of Hershey's Kisses in the living room. She can't go shopping without bringing home some chocolate ice cream or a chocolate-cake mix. She's even got a funny little sweatshirt that says, "My Name Is Emily, And I'm A Chocoholic."

To be honest, I'm a bit of a chocoholic myself. Except for one small detail. You see, instead of being addicted to chocolate, I'm addicted to booze. Yep, from dawn to dusk, there's one thing on my mind: booze! Beer, liquor, wine, all that stuff!

When my wife gets one of her cravings, she reaches for a Baby Ruth or Mars bar. With me, it's Icehouse beer. My refrigerator is always stocked with plenty of it. I also have a little flask of whiskey in my desk drawer at work. In fact, if you can keep a secret, I even keep some booze in my car in case of traffic jams. I just can't stand to be without booze for too long!

I'm a lot like that Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. Only it's more like the Booze Monster. When I walk into a party and see that they have booze of any kind, it's like, "Whoa-hoa! All bets are off! Lemme at that booze!"

I remember this one time, there was no chocolate in the house. Emily was going out of her mind, trying to scrape up some sort of chocolate fix. In the end, she resorted to drinking a cup of hot cocoa. It was so cute! Sort of like the time I drank all her hairspray because there was no booze in the house. Or that other time with the rubbing alcohol. Or the Nyquil. Or the Aqua-Velva.

Another time, I was completely out of booze, and all the stores and bars were closed, so I drove 45 minutes to find a place that would sell me some beer or something. I was kind of embarrassed, because here it was late Monday night, and I had to work the next day, and I'm driving around looking for booze. But, hey, that's just how things are when you're a "booze-oholic" like me! I finally found a huge all-night liquor store. You should have seen how I loaded up! Cases of this, fifths of that. It was 5 a.m. when I finally got home, so I just said, "To heck with work!" and had my own little improvised holiday. I called it Booze Day! I'd been working hard, getting to work on time almost every day for two weeks, so I figured I'd earned what wound up being the rest of the week off.

Sometimes Emily and I think we should cut down a little—you know, health concerns and all. But there's always some special occasion that gives us an excuse to go off our "diets." Halloween was Emily's last big bender. We only got three trick-or-treaters the entire night, so the whole big bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups went straight to her. (Or straight to her thighs, as she said!)

My most recent bender was today. There was a good movie on TV, and I figured, hey, I'll need steady hands to change the volume. Of course, it all went straight to my liver, but what are you gonna do?

For my birthday, Emily gave me the funniest coffee mug, perfect for Irish coffee. It has a little teddy bear on it with a "don't mess with me" look on his face, and it says, "Hand Over The Booze And Nobody Gets Hurt." I laughed so hard! That bear was just like me when I robbed the party store earlier this year! Also, the mug is really big, so it can hold a lot of booze... another plus!

Yes, those chocoholics are a funny sort. But they won't hurt you—as long as they have their chocolate, that is. Or, in my case, booze!