I'm prettier than you are.
Thursday, 21 November 2002
The Last Laugh

When you go to a comedy show, make sure you slap your leg (knee or thigh preferred; calf and shin discouraged). Often. And loudly. Clap your hands too. But not as you do for regular applause. Rather, do it slowly and have your hands approach one another from a distance that is longer than your body is wide. Occasionally yell out "Wooo!" because you're just so overcome with joy and are so in the moment.

While you're at it, make sure you laugh at everything the comedian says, not just the stuff he's prepared especially for that purpose. When he greets the audience with a simple "hello", guffaw. When he delivers his carefully planned spontaneous ad libs, don't forget to lean forward from the waist and allow your mouth to burst open as if you've had too much to drink and have to relieve your system of some of that alcoholy goodness.

Wipe your eyes, too. Oh, the tears! And occasionally say, "It's so true, it's so true," and nod your head in recognition. If you're feeling particularly plucky, throw in a "That is so funny!" from time to time for good measure. Because your display alone doesn't quite convey that message.


Tip: If you're an amazingly unattractive woman and this is your one big night out in who knows how long, and you've saved up all your belly laughs and guffaws just for this occasion, make sure you pack a toothbrush in your nylon fanny pack. Because when you and you alone laugh during a lull, no matter how brief, in the laff-a-rama, the comedian will instantly recognize you as that Special Someone he's been waiting for all his life and ask you to accompany him back to his hotel room or apartment after the show is over. (And yes, when he looks out into the audience, he is looking right at you.)

fresh-baked at 06:32 AM
Comments

That's all I have to do, Jodi? Dayum! I now have a plan of action!

Offered by: Joan on November 22, 2002 1:20 AM

I will make sure to use your tip if Ed Helms (I'm not going to link to his site, you can just do a search on him) ever comes to town...

(I know that didn't make sense, but I haven't posted here in over a month, and I just wanted to say something...)

Offered by: Anita on November 21, 2002 4:31 PM

I rue the day people started to "Woooo" incessantly.
It makes me nuts. I once had an aerobics instructor who used to yell at the class and ask us to Wooo back. We all couldn't take it anymore and one day all decided to ignore her. The silence just hung in the air like a latke.
And as Thomas notes, don't get me started on that Arsenio-inspired whooping. Yikes!

Offered by: Ellen on November 21, 2002 12:32 PM

Note: If African-American, stand with one hand on your chest and wave the other high in the air. Shut your eyes tightly and whoop incoherantly.

Offered by: Thomas on November 21, 2002 12:23 PM

How did you know I met Steve or was Ed or was it Jack...those fannypacks hold a lot of toiletries!

Offered by: sally on November 21, 2002 11:55 AM