No matter how clean my apartment is — even if I've just spent hours (ahem) scouring and scrubbing and wiping (and crying) getting it that way — I am always compelled to apologize for "the mess" when someone visits. It's the equivalent of spending an inordinate amount of time assembling an outfit and then saying, "Oh, this old thing?" when someone compliments it.
And no matter how much I work out and how amazing I look (and oh god, I do! I'm fabulous!), when someone tells me so, I automatically say, "No no no, I'm a fat fucking piece of shit."
Well, it's got to stop. And it's going to.
The cleaning and coordinating and working out, that is.
Yes, I've decided to just let it all go. After sitting myself down and giving myself a good, stern talking to, I've decided that it's entirely too much effort to maintain my current level of fabulousness. I place way too much emphasis on having a comfortable, warm, inviting home; looking picture-perfect even when leaving the house just to mail a letter; and maintaining a ridiculously healthy, fit 'n' trim body.
So without further ado, I am not only going to indulge in sloth, but embrace it! The possibilities are endless!
However, I must find a way to retain Pride in the face of Sloth. It won't be easy, but I'm up for/to the challenge.
Stay tuned.
Next Up: Greed.
Tess, now that you have left that most dreadful of suggestions, I believe that Anger has displaced Greed. And one day early too! Imagine that.
Must I continue to refer you to my original entry concerning the tripe you mention? Apparently so!
If I didn't like you so much, I'd have to hate you!
Offered by: Jodi on November 25, 2002 6:41 PMExcellent! Now, following Greed I believe you should work on your ability to enjoy chick flicks! Ya! Ya! ;)
Offered by: Tess on November 25, 2002 6:08 PMdang, thomas, see: pride.
Offered by: julia on November 25, 2002 5:58 PMWhat's the "H" Stand for? I always assumed "Holy" but I recently heard "Harold" and that seems to have some validity to it.
Anyway, I think that Sloth, when practiced in moderation, can be healthy and productive - as can most of the seven deadly sins.
Avarice, on the other hand...Well, click here for some helpful hints on that one.
Offered by: aaron on November 25, 2002 5:45 PMNext: Greed
Oh god. Yes. I'm perfecting my technique. Starting with ridiculous lust regarding chaise lounges and dentist chairs.
Offered by: delish on November 25, 2002 5:02 PMJesus H. Christ! I come out of the blue with the scien-fucking-tific name for the three-toed sloth, make comment on Christian cannon and it's division of the deitific power relating to the digits of said animal, and no one even offers a fucking chortle?!? I should stick to commments about the magnitude of my penis.
Offered by: Thomas on November 25, 2002 4:58 PMI just watch the movie "7" and like magic -- off I go to the gym.
Offered by: chari on November 25, 2002 2:52 PMWelcome to Slothdom. And congratulations on choosing to be one of us!
I'd shake your hand.. but that take too much effort.. PLUS my arm muscles have atrophied to the point where shaking hands is nearly impossible.
Sally...I've been a genius all my lives. I've done it so many times that I've lost count.
Offered by: Mad Genius on November 25, 2002 2:12 PMMad Genius, how many times has this tactic worked?
Offered by: sally on November 25, 2002 1:12 PMThis may seem a little drastic, but when things are beginning to pile up, I just commit suicide and reincarnate.
Offered by: Mad Genius on November 25, 2002 12:46 PMJodi, that is where the OTHER sins come into play. Sin is in, is it not?
Offered by: sally on November 25, 2002 11:29 AMObviously, Sally, you have never tried getting an apartment in New York.
Offered by: Jodi on November 25, 2002 11:22 AMForget that...don't let everything go or keep buying new stuff and throwing out the dirty stuff. NO NO...just get a new apartment. Simple?
Offered by: sally on November 25, 2002 10:45 AMI wonder if anyone has tried to tell Bradypus Variegatus that it's a mortal sin, or if they've tried to somehow reform the Edentate of its ways. Perhaps his Caribbean/Northern South America locale makes it prohibative for the missionaries to reach it, Perhaps it's the supine position. I'm sure it would be able to comprehend the concept of the sacred Trinity well enough, even to the point of knowing it like the back of it's hand. Hmmm. Quite the boggle, eh?
Offered by: Thomas on November 25, 2002 9:31 AMNow, there's no need to totally let yourself go. You may want to try these handy hints.
1. Instead of going to the gym and working out, just eat nothing. Works for Calista Flockhart, and she looks grrrrrrrrreat!
2. Save the amount of time spent cleaning things by just throwing them away and buying new ones! Start with saucepans, plates and cutlery, and within a few months you'll be buying a new toilet every other day!
It's simple, it's clean, and most of all, it's fun!
For more helpful hints and tips, send a cheque for £499.99 to Pete, Englandshire, England, UK.
Offered by: Pete on November 25, 2002 9:29 AM
