They say that first impressions are the ones that last. I was all set to prove them (whoever they are) wrong by not going with my first impression of Lisa, but by perhaps my third or fourth. It had happened before, where someone I loathed on first sight eventually wound up being a very dear friend. And for a while that seemed to be the case here, with Lisa. But in the end my last impression was the same as my first. I should have known better than to question my own judgment.Tiny, upturned nose. Rather close-set soft brown eyes. A mess of curly mouse-brown hair bobbypinned haphazardly. Bony shoulders. Backbones that protruded so far from her spindly spine that tiny angel wings could have sprouted there, if only Lisa weren’t the spawn of Satan. Which she seemed to be, once she opened her mouth to speak.
* * *
So, tell me. Would you be interested in reading more of this devilish tale, which I present here in extreeemely rough, typed-out-very-fast-in-probably-less-than-two minutes form? Not here, on my world-famous website, but elsewhere?
I really want to know.
Look, I'm enabling comments. Take advantage of it, friends! (And no, my saying "friends" has nothing to do with the asinine sitcom of the same name, damn it all to fucking hell.)
fresh-baked at 11:52 PMI'm with G-Fry on this one. Book us, Dan-Jo (Sorry, I couldn't help myself). It would make excellent Christmas presents for those you love to hate and hate to love!
Offered by: Shar on May 9, 2004 3:31 PMOh, snap, girl. Write a book. And put a picture on the inside flap, all high class like. You've been teasing your constituency for far too long.
Offered by: G-Fry on May 9, 2004 1:32 AMMore please. Your hatred warms the cockles of my heart.
Offered by: Prnicess Evilina on May 7, 2004 10:53 PMI'd read it. I wish I had it to read now instead of desperately searching for something to do other than all the work I am putting off. Though I am distressed by your viscious comments about Friends. This is a fragile time for those of us who have been pathetically involved for 10 years.
Offered by: Christi on May 7, 2004 2:16 PMI pack more than enough hate into my little body than I can possibly contain, so I am more than happy to furnish the planet with the overflow. I'm overjoyed to share my hate with all of you and pleased that it pleases you.
Thank you. I appreci-hate you all!
Offered by: Jodi on May 7, 2004 12:09 AMYes!
Offered by: christine on May 6, 2004 11:41 PMOh please do! I need a dose of venom. I am feeling rather friendly right now. Please continue!
Offered by: Traci on May 6, 2004 11:12 PMA bilious male must be involved - yes, lets hear it.
Offered by: AEG on May 6, 2004 10:32 PMI have absolutely no opinion. I am just tickled pink to have a little post in this little comment box. And that truly is saying something, because pink is not a good color for me...it's very un-macho. And if there is one thing I strive to be, it's macho.
Offered by: TV on May 6, 2004 7:51 PMJodi, you should now by now that we read your posts FOR THE HATE. I'm too nice of a person to hate on my own. I do it vicariously through you. PLEASE continue, without you, I'd have to live on sunshine lollipops and rainbows everything. And really... what kind of existence is that?
Offered by: Shar on May 6, 2004 5:55 PMPerchance it's the same spawn of satan Lisa chick that I recently "dumped" with a big F--- You! I should have stuck with my first impression and never entered into a friendship. Do tell us!
Thanks so far, people. You're all the BEST! I lurve you all.
Janice: This story is what I like to call "faction".
Offered by: Jodi on May 6, 2004 2:40 PMI'd read it. Especially since my former roommate had similar bones on her back, and while not quite the spawn of satan, was pretty damn close. In other words, I want to see how your story compares with my experiences. I re-iterate: I'd read it.
Offered by: Julie on May 6, 2004 2:21 PMI give it a 10. I can see where the pseudo erotic "loathe-lust-loathe" storyline is unfolding.
Do continue, and please have it on a site where "Adult VeriSign" subscription isn't required.
Offered by: Thomas on May 6, 2004 1:23 PMYou have to ASK?! OF COURSE! I'd read it if you wrote it on a roll of toilet paper with lipstick, crayola or grease pen, stuck it in a bottle and tossed it into the Hudson River.
Do tell us more!
Joni -)
Offered by: Joni on May 6, 2004 1:04 PMwhat no more close-up digital photos of cardboard-like sheets of soy protein masquerading as veal parmesan? what will we all do without our daily quotient of fake food? alright, more bitching will have to do---this one time! BIX
Offered by: mr bix on May 6, 2004 11:20 AMLisa's dating the Loanalicious guy, isn't she?
Offered by: bob on May 6, 2004 10:14 AMhell yeah... devilish tales are my weakness.
Offered by: chlamygirl on May 6, 2004 9:17 AMSome focus group. Where's the two-way mirror and the coffee and doughnuts? Also, I expect to be paid for this.
Sure, keep writing. We need the variety. I mean, how many more former Bush Administration employee tell-all books can America possibly read?
goddamn i love shit-talking...DO continue.
Offered by: Anna on May 6, 2004 4:48 AMAre we having ourself a bad day?
Tsk, tsk~
Yes, yes, yes! Oh god...more! Please!
In other words, I'd really like to read more.
Offered by: Da Goddess on May 6, 2004 2:10 AMI would absolutely read on.
Offered by: Melodee on May 6, 2004 1:27 AMYes!
Offered by: Leni on May 6, 2004 12:53 AMI need something good to read for my subway rides and I think this would be a real PAGE TURNER! Finish it quick so I don't have to dig through all the crap at Barnes & Noble in search of something I probably won't even like. LOL!
Is this a true story or fiction, by the way?
Offered by: Janice on May 6, 2004 12:34 AMI just talked to Lisa she said she'd sue you for defamation so fast your toes would spin. And also that she rather likes "The Swan" so back off of that, as well please.
Offered by: lisasfriend on May 6, 2004 12:26 AMYour "rough draft" reads better than a lot of stuff I've actually seen bound between pages. I'd definitely be interested in reading more of this, here or elsewhere! Bring it on! :-)
Offered by: Lolly on May 6, 2004 12:21 AM
