The joy over my new arrival didn't last long. Just like with my second-born, the thrill was fleeting.

The vacuum cleaner was returned to Bed Bath & Beyond, almost as quickly as I'd returned the baby to its maker. (And by maker, I mean the divine one ... not its father, who was divine for the one night it took to make 'n' bake the bun in my oven, but that's about it, the louse!) After all, I don't waste my time with anything that doesn't live up to my expectations. And true true true, my expectations are quite high, but what can I do, I'm a perfectionist and I expect and accept nothing but perfection.

The thing was, the cordless vacuum cleaner sucked at sucking. I tried to convince myself the trade-off was acceptable, and that what the vacuum lacked in suction, it more than made up for with its cordlessness. That's like dating a guy who sucks in the sack but is independently wealthy. Sort of. Everything's a trade-off, I know. Everything's a compromise, I know. But come on, we're talking about me here, and I refuse to settle.

What does this all mean, then? Other than that my young son is now being raised in heaven instead of a trailer park in Alabama or Mississippi or Arkansas? It means I was forced to order this. (Hello, Yellow!) Supposedly it never loses suction, and as I have learned by now, this is a feature that definitely makes someone or something a keeper!