I once resolved to go to New York, don a dog disguise complete enough to fool you into coming closer to the pretty puppy by the windowless panel van, then kidnap you. Not for any fel reason other than not having to wait until you publish your bjourn before I'm enlightened by your merest thoughts.

After the incredible Happy-New-Year-'05 event, I've been unable to show proper emotion.
Which includes blushing.
My resolution? Get (more) plastic surgery + blush often.

Perhaps I ought to make this year an exception and resolve to rid myself of the obvious impatience that urges me to click the "post" button several times when this "slower than the coming of Christ" computer doesn't react in what I feel is the appropriate speed. My apologies. I promise to stop posting today

I've convinced myself that, according to my personal experience, New Year's resolutions are for quitters. I know I'd only embarrass myself if I bothered to admit outloud that I actually intended to make a huge change in my life because the year had begun. On January 01 of
06 as I'm returning to work...same job...in the middle of the same projects...same BS...and returning home to the same mess....the change in the last number on the "date" line of my checks to the electric company, gas company, mortgage company, etc. is hardly motivation enough for me to quit cussing, write more, and start exercising like I mean it now, is it?

I've convinced myself that, according to my personal experience, New Year's resolutions are for quitters. I know I'd only embarrass myself if I bothered to admit outloud that I actually intended to make a huge change in my life because the year had begun. On January 01 of
06 as I'm returning to work...same job...in the middle of the same projects...same BS...and returning home to the same mess....the change in the last number on the "date" line of my checks to the electric company, gas company, mortgage company, etc. is hardly motivation enough for me to quit cussing, write more, and start exercising like I mean it now, is it?

I resolved to not indulge in a purile attempt at bolstering my own willpower with some contrived and arbitrary date such as the first of the year, then realized hat by resolvoing to not make a resolution I had created a paradox. I was stuck in that infinite loop until my wife made me watch some porn, at which point all was restored in my mind.

"Take turpentine to your tits ..." ? You talk like a man. Are you really a girl?

This is soooo off-topic. My bad. I resolved to stop playing with myself so much. Doing pretty good so far - only five times totalling maybe 7 hours since Saturday night. Sex with an actual person doesn't count.

I resolved to smash plates instead of eating cake. So far so good...had an outstanding plate toss against a rock wall on New Years Day.

my "best friend" and my boyfriend decided to gang up and make my resolutions for me. apparently, i need to "be nicer" to people.

when i asked for elaboration, all these boneheads could come up with was, "see, we just mentioned celine dion and you rolled your eyes."

gaaawwwwddd [insert eye roll here].

I quit smoking. Again. And I want to peel my skin off. Then roll it up and smoke it.

I've resolved to stop commenting in Jodi's comment section. Do not hit "Post"! DO NOT HIT "Post"!! Damn.

I made my first resolution in 20 years and so far I kept it. 1 day down, 355 to go... suddenly a year seems like a LOOOONG time.

My resolution is to eat more chilli con carne. I am proud to say that I had chilli con carne for lunch today. I'm doing quite well.

I resolved to not eat any chocolate for the first 7 days of 2006, and I ate several chocolate covered pretzels yesterday!! Whoops! Honestly, who the f*ck cares, I'm fabulous AND I would rather have chocolate breath than Dorito breath!! Yay 2( o )( o )6!!!

My resolution was to stop cursing so much, but at 12:05 I broke it when someone spilled champagne on my new dress. I broke it a lot, because the dress wasn't cheap (even though the champagne was) and the bitch who spilled the drink didn't even apologize. HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

I resolved not to eat any white cheddar Cheetos Puffs in 2006 and DAMNED if I haven't already snarfed half a fucking bag.

In my defense, I moved most of the day, lugging crap up and down stairs like a mad woman, so I probably worked ... oh ... 8 or 10 of them off.

:-|

I resolved not to make any 2006 New Year's resolutions because I'm still working on the ones from 2004. Besides, I'm still writing "1999" on my checks!