I've deleted all of the hideous comment spam, and am now closing comments because I don't want to leave the door open for more.

See, comment spammers? You're not just ruining it for yourself -- you're ruining it for EVERYBODY!

Thanks for all of your comments. I did not "shit my drawers", thankfully, but you did make me chortle, chuckle, snicker, smirk, laugh, and that sort o' thing.

I tell my kids those Lamisil monsters live in their mouths if they don't brush their teeth! GROSS motivation, eh? Got to love Jodi humor...

Terry - if you DO shit your drawers.. please.. use MORE THAN 4 squares... or those wet nappy things to clean up.

And Jodi-darling.. what is UP with all these ADs in your comments???

Ad Nauseum. ha!

OMG, Kate cracked me up so BAD, I thought I'd shit my drawers.

I hate the Wendy's commercials that employ that whistle. Invariably, the whistle ends up in my head, so that I keep thinking I'm hearing it, but I'm not...and then I think I'm going crazy.

I actually like the Astelin commercial--I sing along with it. (I'm also a huge dork.) I also sing along with the Charmin ads. I like making up new words to the one with the duck, since I don't know it as well, "Hey little bear, you're not done yet--there's still some shit on your asshole!"

My favorite of all time (right now) is the Geico cavemen, with the "I'll have the roast duck, with the mango salsa." "I don't have much of an appetite, thank you."

HA!

Additionally, the commercial where the woman challenges the female viewers to "imagine knowing you're pregnant the moment it happens" delights me and frightens me at the same time. As if we guys didn't have enough anxiety about size (Enzyte), ability (Cialis/Viagra) and attractiveness (Cortislim/Nutrisystem/Hair Club for Men/Just for Men) now we have to worry whether or not our burst of baby batter will be potent enough to spawn parasitical infection 9 months in duration.

Will there be a pop-up sensor a-la a Butterball turkey? An LED read-out above the navel announcing, "Congratulations! I didn't know you had it in you!" or "Check your ammo, Tex. Them wuz blanks!"?

I also hate the animated Dulcolax commecricals, especially the one where the assumedly constipated 'toon is lofted into the air by a bunch of her smiling friends who happen to be using a tarp of some sort that looks just like the laxative's packaging. Great! Just what I want! Now all MY friends can toss me around, finally having definitive proof that I'm full of shit! Add to that the animated look of surprise and relief on her face as she's being thrown like stir-fry, and you know that she's pinching a messy, loose loaf in her poorly etched pencil-and-ink granny pants. Perhaps she should seek the kind council of the aforementioned Charmin bears so they can cha-cha-cha their way over and help out this poor root beer dispenser of a shell of a woman.

And in conjunction with loose bowels, how many people would fucking riot at baseball game or restaurant where they serve nothing but Honey-Nut Cheerios? Where's my hot-dogs? Where's my tofu seared in curry sauce? Where's my FUCKING beer!?! Hey Paco, stop handing out kiddie boxes of your Colonic Cannon Content and fetch me some warm bread and butter! Hey Grandpa, stop hawking your Corn-hole Clog Crushers and get me a brat with the works! They say that bees sting as a last, desperate defense which costs them their lives. Apparently, the non-suicidal step above is to whore themselves to a conglomorate cereal comapny that extrudes dry, artifically flavored oat bran nuggets into the mouths of babes and those with the irrational believe that if they consume one extra shred of fiber, they'll be nigh-on immortal.

I ABHOR, DETEST and REVILE the fucking SHITTING "Charmin" bears. Seriously, who still thinks that this ad campaign should continue (and CONTINUE and CONTINUE ad nauseum). GOD - the MUSIC, the stinginess of that fucking parent bear (four squares???? FOUR SQUARES????? I don't care is NASA made the toilet tissue; sometimes you need more than FOUR FUCKING SQUARES), the smug "post-shitting" look of satisfaction on the faces of these wretched ursine creatures - EVERYTHING. OH - and don't get me started on the DUCK. We, evidently, were lulled into a complacent daze where four sheets of magic toilet tissue was PLENTY to "do the job" (no pun intended) and THEN, that fucking quacker insists that we need special WET WIPES just to make certain that we are SQUEAKIN' CLEAN. Perhaps if the fucking miserly Pappa bear would dole out more than FOUR SHEETS OF TOILET TISSUE that whiney little cub wouldn't NEED specialized MOIST shit wipes. Or get a fucking BIDET.

Besides, if I wanted to see a bear SHIT IN THE WOODS, I could find a forest nearby where there are ACTUAL BEARS. Yes, I might suffer an untimely death, but if somehow I made a bargain with the Universe that my untimely death would stop Charmin from running those FUCKING SHITTING BEAR COMMERCIALS, I might just consider it a "good death."

I cannot help it - those shitting bears REPULSE me, but I CANNOT LOOK AWAY. It's a government plot, I'm telling you.

I'd start on the "panty liner" advert where they USED to ask unsuspecting shoppers if there "panty liner" ever get wet and STICKY (it seems they've had the good sense to replace "sticky" with "uncomfortable," but STILL), but I might NOT STOP. I am not squeamish - far from it. But if I'm watching some stupid TV show, trying to relax and "veg out," usually having a snack, I do NOT want to hear about someone’s "STICKY" panty liner. Besides, j'deteste the words "panty" and "panties." GOD - are we THREE????? That's when you get your "big-girl" panties, after all. Come on - UNDERWEAR!!! If you must be a WEE bit cutesy, how about "knickers." I WILL stop now.

One word: Mucinex.

Grace Lawler: I don't mind the language people post in their comments. You may note that I, as hostess of this lovely website, use the same sort of language from time to time. I appreciate ALL comments -- even those containing improper use of apostrophes and homonymic errors. :o)

Keep up the good work, kidz!

Yes, the Activia yogurt commercials. The one that I think is really nice is the one where the one young woman wants the other to go out with her. The one on the couch moans on about how she's, "bloated... irregular..." The "motivated" girl blames their stress and says, "look how it makes us eat," while they pan and show a frat house-esque collection of various half eaten objects that could have only passed as food by the most generous of FDA rankings. Still, while annoying, it shows the kind of loving bond these two lesbians share when the "motivated" partner hands her fuddy-duddy sub-bitch a container of activated cultures that will leave her ass more used than that time when they went to Mistress Orgazma's weekend dungeon retreat.

It rivals the sapphic bond the two other yogurtivores share, despite their protestations about how their consumable is "12 inch reali-flesh covered vibrator on a pistoning sex toy engine good."

I just can't believe the language that people use in there comments. Whats there problem? I don't like the new commercials Geico has. I like the Gecko. The new ones on I MUTE. They are terrible. I use Geico as my insurance and I think they can cut some of these commercials and come down on there prices. I like most all of the gecko's. We really like the one with the squirrel's too.

I just remembered another ad I hate because I don't GET IT. I didn't go through all previous 35 comments here yet, so I hope I'm not repeating myself.

Activia (sp?) yogurt. They keep saying "Take the 14-day challenge." WHAT CHALLENGE? At first I thought this was a teaser. But months later, we're still being urge to take the challenge. Is it to eat yogurt with your handsome hubby in the kitchen, and then both of you start swinging your hips? That's a challenge? Having worked in advertising, I feel sure something went awry here.

While I love all the Geico commercials, there is one that I love the concept for, but have the execution... no wait, I'd love to see a real live execution for this psedo-celebrity "assistant", Charo. I believe the woman has "mad skeelz" when it comes to the guitar, but as soon as she opens that harpie's maw of hers and screeches on in faux-spanish punctuated with a dried up "cootchie-cootchie" and shaking her industrially supported jugs (completed with long since expired milk) I immediately wish to go back in time and have Aaron Spelling direct where the Love Boat is raided by Somalian pirates and the crew slaughtered along with their "special guest stars."

Little Richard, however, cracks me the fuck up. "Mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce! Woooooooooo-hooooooo!"

Okay I don't get to watch much tv, but I am always in my car, so I will tell you about radio commercials. I hear one for Jet Blue every morning . It's a guy who calls up the Jet Blue customer service department to ask if he can use the "extra leg room" for something else since he doesn't have an extra leg. It cracks me up every time. I also like the Bud Real Men of Genius radio commercials. Especially the salute to the Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy. "Because nothing screams "I am important" like a guy who screams I AM IMPORTANT into his cell phone."
There is also the salute to the Hot Dog Eating Contestant, and Mr. Fancy Coffee Shop Coffee Pourer. "What do you do with a Master's Degree in Art History? You get a nose ring and pour coffee for a living."
http://www.contemporaryinsanity.org/content/view/173/2/

i loathe the pharm company that use fear to incite women to head to their gynos en masses in case they're the one in gajillion who has the variation of the HPV virus that causes cancer....

and the ones where bears poo in the woods. i really don't need to see the back of a bear against a tree spinning off toliet paper...

i forgot to mention in a previous post, but i also hate the commercial where the robots made of copper pipe keep having to urinate. i can't remember what drug it is for, but it obviously stops robots from peeing all over the place. which i guess it a good thing, because otherwise they might rust.

another pisser: the stacker2 commercial where the woman is saying that since it worked for her husband, she tried it while he was overseas and lost 60 lbs. and has so much more energy now. then the horny military husband says she gonna need it since he's home while he tries to bite a hunk out of her neck. if that were my husband, i would kick him in the nutz and explain that i used up all my sex energy while he was overseas and when is he leaving for overseas again?

also, to address the above snuggle commercial, when my neice was younger, we got a small stuffed snuggle bear in the mail. then we stuck it in the laundry basket with the laundry. it scared the poo out of her. ditto with the plastic squeeky scrubbing bubble toy we stuck in the bathwater behind her while she was bathing.

scientific conclusion: children are frightened of advertising.

On a positive rainbowy note, I love this Honda comercial: http://www.honda.co.uk/civic/

Orbit gum.

Blonde with british accent.

Dirty mouth? Fabulous!

ugh.

Any and every feminie hygiene product commercial (why don't they air jock itch commercials for men, I ask you!) And that fucking "Snuggles" fabric softener ad.

The cartoon stomach...jumping around with its intestine coiled about. I don't know what they say in the commercial, cause the visual is so wacked & creepy.

And I'm with you on the plastic Burger King guy. And what does that MEAN anyway? Our food isn't real? Just like the folks who eat it?

But, can I also say that on the flip side...my hands down FAVORITE commercial is that one for Ford with those crazy kids golfing all dressed in fun pastels and being just plain kooky! I recall one particular guy who was in it that looked stunning in pink. Was there even a car?
(sorry Jodi..I couldn't help myself..)

I get outraged whenever I see commercials for toothpastes or whitening strips that include before and after shots of the people who've used the products. Your teeth aren't whiter, you assholes - you've just combed your hair and put on some red lipstick to heighten the contrast between your teeth and your lips. What do these ad execs at Crest take us for? We'd be better off investing in a tube of Maybelline. And maybe people should just start brushing their teeth and stop smoking their fucking cigarettes so they wouldn't yellow in the first place. Argh!

LOL, people! LOL! :o)

Keep up the good work!

MildChild! I am so with you on Burger King.
The plastic king seriously creeps me out. The one where he shows up on the I-beam at the construction site? If I were the construction worker I would rather just jump to my death.

And speaking of fast food places, anyone else notice that no one in the ads calls it a "sandwich" anymore? It is now officially a "samwich" As a grammar freak, that's like nails on a blackboard to me.

Ds, thanks for the informative Lamisil explanation! :)

Oops. That sentence was meant to read:
"I hate the TGIFriday's ad that shows the husband asking his wife what she's doing out having fun and demanding to know who's taking care of the kids."

PS: I also hate the Sony Bravia "First TV For Men AND Women" campaign -- and I worked on it.

The concept (and tagline) came from high up the food chain at Sony (sexist Japanese jerks), though, and there was nothing to be done about it.

I was varying degrees of pissed off the entire time I worked on it, though.

I came in to bash the Mucinex ads, but I see Dana Michelle beat me to it. So I'll just ditto her comment. I also hate hate hate the Beep Beep Dot Com ads -- so much that they make me come out of my skin, Even if it were one of the best and most useful websites in the universe, I would never ever ever ever ever ever visit it because of the wretched ads.

I hate the TGIFriday's ad that shows the husband asking his wife demanding to know who's taking care of the kids. Fuck you, asshole -- I sold them into white slavery. If you were so worried about it why didn't YOU stay the fuck home?

I hate every ad CP+B has ever done for Burger King. Especially the ones with the plastic king. If I were the biggest BK junkie in the universe, that plastic king would put me right off my feed.

For the record, I dislike the gecko. I love REAL geckos -- I think they're adorable -- but I hate the way the Geico gecko's stomach smooshes up when he bends forward. It's just badly done. And wrong. Bleah. And WTF with the crap East End accent?

My two favorite contemporary broadcast spots are Cat Herders and Hampster Cannon. Of all times? Speedy Alka Seltzer, effervessing in the tub.

The original Lamisil ad was changed because it effectively said it killed ALL of the fungus. Evidently, it does not. So the FDA and the FCC cited truth-in-advertising statues and made them correct it. That is why you will always see at least one of the little buggers alive at the end of every commercial.

Oi! You've gotta (Well, you don't "Gotta") check this demented Yahoo Group, LOL.

The Christian Children's Fund ads are quite annoying, but mostly because the old bearded guy is trying to guilt me into supporting some future terrorist while he's fondling some Starvin' Marvin' with that fucking smug, self satisfied look on his face. Like that look Winnie The Pooh has, that honey-swilling communist parasite.

OK. Just one more. Was it the Meridia commercial that listed "oily discharge" as a possible side effect?

eeewwwww...

P.S. Do you recall that the original Lamisil commercial used to end with the pill rolling back and forth over Digger until he collapsed?

Somewhere along the line they changed it to the pill just kind of scaring him off with its imposing presence.

Apparently people must have complained about the the commission of "fungi-cide" in a commercial.

15 comments and no one has mentioned the disgusting MUCINEX commercials yet?

Where do I start? Everything about these commercials is vile. Even the NAME of the product is disgusting. And seeing the evil green mucus-man getting sucked out of his little home-sweet-home because his "host" is up there horking up a lung is just really just too much.

**shudders**

For the love of all that is holy, how did these make it past the focus group?

Much as I hate to say this out loud, I detest the Christian Childrens Fund ads.

I hate the "Powered by Tyson" commercials with the kind of ire that I usually keep in reserve, tucked away in the basement with the bottle of balsamic vinegar my Grandmother gave me and the bodies of the people who I had to club in the head after they described something as the "most unique" thing they'd ever seen.

Ditto for the Nexium pills where they try to work all of the usual commercial crapola and legalese into some sort of medical school scenario. Yeah, I always look down at the slack jawed yokel in my way who is gawking at the not-quite-completed building I work in and say, "This Screwdriver in your ear is not for everyone, you should first consult a Doctor before you piss me off as many serious side effects can occur. These usually manifest themselves as drooling, crying, loss of consciousness, bleeding, loss of bowel and bladder control and death. If you experience any of these, please simply expire quickly so you can be loaded into the back of the SUV headed to the Soylent factory."

I honestly think that the "Raid" and other bug killing commercials are the worst as they always seem to play them as I am eating dinner. Seeing that computer generated roach scurry across the screen wigs me out and the appetite is vamos.

PBS - "Stay Curious." The hands down most wonderful "commercials" I've ever seen. I remembered them as I was watching the full moon play peekaboo behind the buildings of the Tampa skyline as I drove home with my 2 year old tonight. He was quite amazed that this full and heavy moon, quite unlike the crescents in his picture books, "went away" and would "come back" as we moved down the highway. As a child I asked my father why the moon was following us as we drove; I realized tonight that I still don't fully have a grasp on that.

i hate the Yaz birth control pill commercial where those chicks are sitting in the club and their friend is quoting the technical product information pamphlet, because she is obviously quite crazy and has memorized it. it's the bastard lovechild of "sex and the city" and a public service announcement. i seriously doubt i would ever get with my friends for cocktails and discuss a birth control method in such detail. i would have to either get the pesky chick really drunk to shut her up, or resolve never to ask her out to join me and my friends out clubbing ever again.

kelly ripa singing the "na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey good-bye" makes me want to throw away my tide pen, which i really really heart!

"smiling bob" from the enzyte commercial should be castrated.

the evil toenail fungus must be stopped by whatever means necessary. all hail lamisil!

There's this one that just makes me ILL, for an allergy medication called Astelin, where an a capella group is singing to the afflicted allergy sufferer. I'll hear the song playing in my head afterwards sometimes, and just want to claw my own eardrums out.

The "G-Meter" commercial that MINI did has been at the top of my favorite list for a long time.

When the Lamisil commercial comes on I can literally feel my toes turning green, yellow, and cracked. I can't wait until the Lamisil comes in and kills those cackling gremlins. I am also thankful that in reality I do not have foot fungus, or toenail disease, whatever it is called, but for the 1 1/2 minutes the commercial is on, I feel that I do. Commercials such as those need to be regulated as heavily as rap music lyrics. "This commercial not suitable for hypochondriacs."

Can I take up residence in Jodiverse, by the way?

When the Lamisil commercial comes on I can literally feel my toes turning green, yellow, and cracked. I can't wait until the Lamisil comes in and kills those cackling gremlins. I am also thankful that in reality I do not have foot fungus, or toenail disease, whatever it is called, but for the 1 1/2 minutes the commercial is on, I feel that I do. Commercials such as those need to be regulated as heavily as rap music lyrics. "This commercial not suitable for hypochondriacs."

Can I take up residence in Jodiverse, by the way?

Um, yeah. OK. Well, since I actually write and produce television commercials for a living, I guess I'll have to recuse myself from this discussion due to a conflict of interests.

So please, Jodi, continue to nullify my existence with your mute button.

And I'll keep my comments to those of a strictly sexual nature.

Hahahaha! I am LOL about the "Head-On" commercial!! I was at jury duty last week ... stuck in a room full of twits and twats ... we were watching TV in the room where we were held captive for the day and the "Head-On" commercial came on about 50 times!! There was a guy there who I used to work with, and every single time we looked at each other and said, "What the f*ck IS that?!?!?!" It's just an asinine commercial.

Agreed about the Lamisil. Hate that one. I also especially hate the Pro-life commercials (Forget which particular group they're for) like the one with the guy standing at the sink who washes the dishes... but they just won't come clean. Because his wife got an abortion and his entire life has completely lost all meaning. Whatever. Fucktard.

Conversely, I still think the PC v. Mac commercials are funny. And you totally can't overlove your underwear.

So many ads, so much time to complain about them. My top 5:

1. Those fucking Lexus ads that they run around Christmas time where people give Lexi, all wrapped in a bow, as a gift. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU and a FUCK YOU to you too. Only the super-wealthy can afford to buy a Lexus as a Christmas present. I am not so inclined. Stop making me watch the top 1% throw their cash around just because I want to watch a football game. If I ever get into the top 1%, I'm going to buy a Lexus dealership and have every car crushed and then dump the parts on the front lawn of Toyota headquarters. Wrapped in a bow.

2. The Nicoderm CQ ads they used to run (and have thankfully pulled), where they have couples, one member of whom is using Nicoderm CQ to quit smoking, and the other one always says "You're my hero!" The most annoying part is that they use the exact same script in mulitple versions of the ad, even though the actors and situations are completely different. Do they think we didn't see the other three versions?

3. The Century21 ad where the women is such a bitch to her husband. The wife wants to buy a house they probably can't afford, and is telling her husband about some research the Century21 agent did. The husband looks uncertain and starts to say something and then trails off, and the wife practically shouts at him, "What?!" Then we find out that they're on a speakerphone call with the Century21 agent, meaning the wife has made her husband look like a total jackass in front of the agent. That bitch must die.

4. There's a local car dealership where they found some teenager, most likely the daughter of the owner, to do the ad. The first time she went on, she was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, no makeup, and hair that didn't look washed for days. I told my wife, "That girl needs a makeover. Did her mother let her go on TV looking like that?" In the next ad, she had a makeover! She wore makeup, a dress with pearls, and had her hair done with a band in it. She still has a flat Delaware County teenager accent, though, and isn't very attractive even after the makeover.

5. On MLB.tv, you can sign up to watch live major league baseball games over the Internet. I bought the package, but every time I go to the web site to start watching a game, the web page has an ad of the same 15-second clip of Orlando Palmeiro making the final out of the 2005 World Series. EVERY SINGLE TIME! I have Joe Buck's call memorized. "Palmeiro, over Jenks' head, Uribe throws, OUT! And the White Sox win the World Series!" I typed that without looking, and I bet I got it at least 90% correct. I now intensely loathe Joe Buck, where before I only mildly disliked him. Thanks, MLB.

The Lamisil creature is Digger the dermatophyte, the only known parasitic fungus named after a former Notre Dame basketball coach. Also, nice job on the spelling of "nauseam". That was in the Times crossword the other day. I had to look it up when the grid didn't fit.

I don't know why but I hate anything with computer-generated people who resemble the ones on video games. They freak me out. I can't even think of a specific commercial, but Coca-Cola comes to mind as one who uses this technology. I also am tired to death of Budweiser's Real Men of Genius.

I am with Deb on the HEAD ON commercial giving me the headache it at least theoretically attempts to cure.

Irish Spring used to have some of the hottest men taking showers, which I truly enjoyed. And I tend to like the Geico commercials, and the Gekko is so darned cute.

Glad you asked. The "Head On" commercial has gone from informative to annoying. They used to explain what the product does... Now the manic female voice repeats, "Head-ON! Apply directly to the forehead!" over and over in rapid fire succession. There is no explanation as to WHAT the product does. Just that you apply it directly to your forehead.

If the voice wasn't so annoying... I might want to get some. The lady pictured in the ad (applying the Head-On to her forehead) has an expression on her face that is something like bliss; ectasy even.

Makes you wonder what it would feel like applied in other areas. But we won't go THERE.