OK, so I know that on Tuesday I promised I would give you a li'l something the next day. And then, that very next day, and for several days thereafter, failed to do so. But hey. Promises, like rules and hearts and camels's backs, are meant to be broken. Also, as we all know from the weary adage, it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind, and given that evidence, forensic and scientific, has proven that I am indeed a woman and have a mind, respectively (if not respectfully), I felt it was my right — nay, my duty! — to womankind — to go back on my word.
And now having said all that, here we go!
So. If, say, you're moseying along the street, minding your own beeswax, whistling yourself a happy little tune and pondering the meaning of cheese, and you come across a piece of another man's trash that you think has potential to be your own treasure (like, for instance, one of those pieces of paper that looks like a dollar-bill folded in half but is really a super duper clever piece of eye-catching advertising), and then, upon picking it up with the special retracting spike-stick you carry in your pocket just in case, you decide that one man's trash is not the treasure you'd hoped it would be, what is the proper protocol?
Do you drop the item back onto the very spot where you'd found it? Do you fling it into the air like confetti, jubilant and festive, a la Rip Taylor? Or do you keep it in your possession until such time as you encounter a proper place for its disposal a/k/a a trashcan or a billy goat's maw? And if you do, indeed, return the trash to the spot where you found it — because of course there is no question that it would be wrong to keep the trash for a period of time and then, once in a completely different location, litter anew — is there a two-second (or five- or whatever your parameter/limit is) rule, like the one for food falling on the floor? (For the record, I have a 30-year rule for that, and the last time I was at my mom's house, ate a Necco wafer and two Funyuns that skittled under my beanbag chair back in '76.)
I invite you to discuss.
(P.S. Yes, I'm encouraging your comments once again, in a renewed spirit of online community. Take advantage of this offer, though, because you never know when I will squash that spirit.)
I know! Kick it with your foot before you pick it up!
Offered by: Kathy on January 28, 2007 3:22 PMInteresting that the discussion seems to have taken the turn of discussing the merits of deigning to stoop to retrieve an item, and the various ways that action can be misspelled.
As to the actual conundrum of what to do with said item once retrieved, I think the issue falls into 3 distinct categories:
First, the item turns out in fact to be some sort of worthless item, that you have no use for, but is not particularly gross, merely worthless. In this case you should carry it with you until you can dispose of it. Failure to do so has the consequence of: a) contributing to the litter problem (you can either be part of the problem or part of the solution); b) by throwing it back onto the ground, you put yourself in the position of being identified as the sort of person who litters; c) even if you don't think anyone you know, or of whose opinion you care about, you still send the message to anyone watching that it is ok to litter.
And even if no one is watching, I am reminded of the saying that Character is doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Plus, see a).
The second scenario is where the item is gross. In which case you can dash it to the ground, shaking your hand as if to remove any remaining remnants of said grossness, and loudly exclaiming "Oh, that's so Fucking Gross!" This exclamation lets everyone who may be watching know that the only reason you are behaving that way, is because it is really gross, and so they will know that none of the issues in the first scenario apply. Grossness negates public perception.
The last scenario comes into play if the item normally falls into category one (useless, but not gross), but in fact would be much to difficult to dispose of. For example, if you find a couch on the street, and think, "hmm, that's pretty nice" (ok, are you really considering taking a couch that you found on the street home with you?) but upon further inspection, you realize that that the couch has had all of its stuffing removed, plus, the colors really don't match your decor. You are not obligated to take the couch to the nearest garbage can. But do be sure to make some sort of comment about "Oh, if only it had stuffing I would have rescued it." Thus assuring any casual observers that you were not the original owner of the couch.
On a somewhat related issue, what obligation do we have to fellow subway riders when we are aware of a mess on the seat, and they are only looking at the asshole in the fur coat, and not noticing that they are about to use their cashmere coat to wipe up the spill of some jackass's Chicken McNuggets' dipping sauce?
Offered by: Token fella on January 23, 2007 10:20 AMSome people horde quarters, others hoard them.
Just figured, since we seem to be in a typo kind of mood.
Offered by: terry on January 21, 2007 10:09 PMSally's assertion is just not true.
She must be thinking of some other guy.
If I knew who, I'd tell you too.
I hope all this doesn't make her cry.
FYI, you can collect those bills and use them to tip strippers!!
Of course when the Bouncers figure out it's you leaving the phony money as tips you have the beating of a lifetime!!!
Don told me that "tip"!!! But, not the consequences...I am presently about to sue Don.
Offered by: sally on January 20, 2007 1:16 AM"... keep it in your posession ..." ??
Nay!
Never!
No, Never!
And I am surprised that you, my friend Jodi, would even postulate such a possibility!
However ...
I might keep it in my possession until I could suitably dispose of it.
(Heh!)
Jodi to Don: I am mortified! And humbled! And have now corrected my erorr.
WOOHOO!!
I too, have been fooled by the $20 bill folded in such a way. Fool me once, "shame on you"; fool me twice, "shame on me!". So now I scowl at those advertisements!!
Offered by: sally on January 20, 2007 12:04 AMI learned my lesson about "ground scores" last summer when, strutting and striding jauntily down the boulevard in my new Michael Kors platforms and a short skirt, I suddenly spotted a quarter on the sidewalk outside of an Irish pub. I bent down ever-so-subtly to retrieve the coin (because the washer in my building's laundry room costs $1.50 and I horde quarters) when I suddenly experienced utter humiliation: the quarter was Super Glued to the concrete!! That's when I realized that there were also a few nickles and pennies glued to the ground near "my" quarter. I heard the chuckle of a male and looked up. That's when I realized that the Super-glued gelt was a ruse to get women in platforms and tight skirts to bend over in full view of the bouncer (the chuckler) and the patrons sitting in front the windows of that fine drinking establishment. Needless to say, I was horrified! I certainly learned my lesson about picking up found sidewalk treasures... next time, I'll wear panties!
Offered by: Vendela on January 19, 2007 11:38 PM
