Ladies, let's stop, you know, fronting. The real issue any of you have with the backscatter*, the scanning device that just made its debut in a Phoenix airport, is not one involving a violation of privacy (it's X-ray-ted!) but one of appearing, or actually being, fat on-screen. An upcoming flight might carry for you, the passenger, the same frenzied incentive to lose weight as, say, your wedding, a high school reunion, or standing next to Kelly Ripa now carries. Thus, this could be one of those blessings in disguise you hear so much about, yes?
*P.S. Please feel free to conjure up other, decidedly more salacious images that come to mind when you hear "backscatter". I'll sit here and cringe at the notion.
On my annual pilgramage to Ottumwa, Iowa, I recently was stopped at a security checkpoint at the Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport (so namede becuase it is actually in Northern Kentucky, but heaven forbid that anywone would actually realize there IS life outside the city limits and therefore we MUST put the name of our fine metropolis up there too lest we appear in some way to be of less import than those kindly hillbilly folk in Northern Kentucky).
It seems that the large African American man (and unlike tofu and Jews, all African Americans do not look alike)was rather suspicious of a large protrusion in my pants. Assuming I was just well endowed, he looked up at me and said, "Hey, brother!" I said, "Brother? I don't understand."
He relplied, "Well, if you're packin' a party favor like that, you MUST have some African soul in your lineage somewhere." Embarassed, I rushed trough the checkpoint and boarded my flight for Ottumwa.
And that's how I smuggled a loaded howitzer onto a commercial airlines flight.
The moral of the story... One man's weapon is another man's love machine.
Offered by: Ds on March 1, 2007 12:11 PMSee also: Cleveland Steamer, Pitsburgh Platter, Dirty Sanchez, and The William Shat-On-Her.
Offered by: Thomas on February 28, 2007 3:43 PMThe word immediately reminded me of an automotive related event.
Backscatter: The oily emulsion that flies from your exhaust pipe as you attempt to pass another vehicle on a long hill (like, maybe Storm King Mountain) in an 85 Dodge with a bad head gasket. Ick?! Although nowhere near as Ick?! as Thomas' definition.
Offered by: Neil on February 28, 2007 1:42 PMAll right then... Bringing on a wave of "frontscatter"!
Offered by: Token fella on February 27, 2007 1:36 PMBackscatter: n' (Bak'ska-turr) Your fecal material in a fine spray or sheen on your own back. Occurs when your partner, standing up, grips you at the hips, performing oral sex on you while you service your partner and you have sudden, uncontrollable loose stool flatulence. Often follows a romantic dinner of curried tofu. (We went to that new "Depak Ya'Sure!" Minnesotan-Indian fusion place and my date was like a backspatter gyser!)
Offered by: Thomas on February 27, 2007 12:13 PMBackscatter. I'm not sure what is worse, that I thought of alternative definitions upon reading it, or that you did too. Whatta coupla sick fucks.
Offered by: Token fella on February 27, 2007 10:06 AMHmmmm... do you think it could detect my chastity belt? Or my chastity?
Offered by: Vendela on February 26, 2007 9:55 PM
