I am so happy! Life is wounderful! I'd like to give everyone a litle of happy!

I'm sorry. I'm still hung up on the fact that Kate loves me.

And knowing Jodi's friends, that's saying something.

You managed to get out of Fairway for less than seven dollars? You MUST have made a deal with the devil. LOL!

the tax totally made it evil.

How about, two Starbuck's lattes, the tall ones in glass containers you can buy anywhere.

(Caffeine) hie thee Satan

- temple

HEY! I do get my "Tricky Dick's Detecive [sic] Badge" from Tricky Dick's School of Detective Wizardry. I just misspoke. I did the research at Fairway (through the thoughtfully provided link), not Fairview (which is no doubt a "retirement" community for aging* Tricky Dick Alumni).

*Bear in mind if this is potentially insulting, Ds, that I do not know you. OH, HOW I LOVE YOU, but I do not know you. (?).

P.S. I considered olives, too, Linda. Great minds and all that.

I, too, looked at the advertisements for the store! I'm guessing French olives and soy milk. I'm not sure about the olives since I think those would be by the pound and the receipt looks more like a one-each for $3.19, not a per-pound calculation. I don't know why you would be damned for all eternity for buying soy milk. Although my friend says it's liquid crack.

A brilliant piece of super sleuthing by our Kate, who is just about to earn her "Tricky Dick's Detecive Badge" from Tricky Dick's School of Detective Wizardry. However, being a successful if not wealthy almnus, I would like to bring the following point to bear...

Professor Plum could not have killed the nursemaid with a candlestick at Boddy Mansion... This is obvious because:

Jodi was shopping at FairWAY... Kate did her research at FairVIEW. Obviously the two monoliths of all this gastronomical don't have the same pricing structures in place on the same items at the same time (reference your weekly circular for details) and thusly, the items in question CANNOT possibly be frothy ashed fromage nor a blueberry truckle.

You can bet your sweet (slightly askew, according to D's?) ass that I did RESEARCH on this subject - no mere conjecture HERE. After all, I am a scientisser - or is that scientificerooooo?

First, rather STUPIDLY I was looking up New York City sales tax rates, ignoring the fact that you MENTIONED the price of the items before tax AND it is abundantly clear from the receipt that I needn’t do any “higher” math and figure out the “actual” price of the items. Duh.

Then I looked at the Fairview in-store specials. This was also a waste of time, as any “special” sale item always is “3 for $5” or “2 for $5” or “ONLY $2.99!”

THEN I hit pay dirt. And naturally it was where a turophile should ALWAYS start: The CHEESE department. There, to the left of a picture of James Beard, who, little did I know, was the “general gastronomic idiot savant” at FAIRVIEW (I’ve only heard him on The Splendid Table) was a picture of a selection of cheeses. It’s right HERE. Right in front there is a selection labeled $3.19 a pound (cheap cheese? – or perhaps that’s the quarter pound price). Unfortunately, because of someone’s trying-to-be-all-fancy-schmancy writing you cannot see what cheese it is. And as the image is a little blurry I cannot identify it by sight. There seems to be a slight glare in the picture, so it must be wrapped in cellophane, therefore it has to be soft or semi-soft fromage.

Oh HELL. I warrant you bought an even increment (as quoted on the price tag in the picture) of that cheese in front – let’s say it was a quarter pound of lavender chevre – the ash-covered variety (very aromatic). Then, to the left and out of the shot, there was also a stunning White Stilton with Blueberry truckle. It was also $3.19 per quarter pound. Flowers or berries? You couldn’t decide, so you purchased both. That’s when the devil punished you for GREED.

Fin

A package of L'eggs and treats for Taxi

A medium sized loaf of semolina bread, which when broken reveals a secret compartment containing the dark lord's message to his followers: "We will call it... VISTA", and a bag of Mrs. Adler's Gefilte Crunchers... the "fun" Passover snack! (ick?)

The first item was a modestly irregular green-sequinned thong, irregular in that it had a slightly larger left loop than right, allowing for your penchant of jutting out and leading with your dominant left hip whilst sidling to your favorite tofu-laden haunt.

The second item was a bag of frozen, bite-size soy burritos, that although they were marked with an expiration date of March 18, 2007, you still felt obligated to buy because you had accepted the toothpick-skewered sample from the grease-soaked paper plate, a plate which the dowdy white-haired octaganrian had shoved at you with her toothy, dentugripped smile and a coy, "Here, try one of these, dearie," never having read your worldfamous blog and therefore completely ignorant to the fact that you ABHOR all things deep-fried, free, and skewered with toothpicks.

And yes, be-yotch. I am back. Didja miss me?

What a freaky receipt! Hmmm, what did you buy.....I have to be a follower and also guess that one of the items was spinach and for the other item....it should be more peanut butter for cookies ;)

One thing of really big condoms, and one thing of really small condoms

It would be oddly fitting if you'd bought two containers of Seitan.

Two Scrunchies: one pink (to match your Old Navy pajama set) and a black one because you think you look thinner in black. Not that you aren't already the perfect size 2!

Love,

Vendela

One copy of O, The Oprah Magazine and one copy of Everyday With Rachel Ray. The total was not in any way a coincidence.

...spinach (of course!) and black fishnet stockings.