Remember way back when, when an ordinary trip to Fairway yielded a receipt for the satanic sum of $6.66? Remember when you guessed, per my invitation, what two items I bought that brought Satan into my life? Remember when you were still interested? And then remember when, after repeatedly coming back here, hoping I'd finally do the big reveal, I still kept the big secret, and you thought, "Ahhh, screw this. It was probably something stupid anyway. C'mon ... let's all go out for sno-cones and miniature golf!"?
Well, here's your answer:
Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop popcorn and a six-pack of 24-ounce bottles of Poland Spring. (Not indicated on the receipt: The popcorn was a three-pack and the Poland Spring included SPORT CAPS. You see, God is in the details, and I think it is important to evoke God just to balance out all this talk of that other fellow. [And no, I don't mean Mr. Redenbacher.])
Happy now?
I didn't think so.
fresh-baked at 07:33 PMAn decent editor, I am not (e.g. "I very subtle, you know"). I very careless, evidently.
Yes, KATE
Offered by: Kate on April 11, 2007 8:58 PMI prefer to ally myself more with the "psycho" group. That is where I feel at home (of COURSE).
Crazy, But in a NICE Way,
Kate
Sickos, psychos, alla yiz.
Offered by: Jodi on April 11, 2007 6:05 PMAnd, and Most Beloved Jodi - Popcorn and WATER - how could you think that would be disappointing? Popcorn AND Water - POLAND Water - purchased in the Big Snapple (pardon me, that's the "Large Persimmon," I believe), especially when it entails a store that traffics in SOULS...
One technicality: Isn't one required to automatically forfeit their eternal soul to live in any dwelling that has a closet in the Gargantuan Lychee/Pineapple hybrid? Ergo - YOU HAVE NO SOUL to peddle.
That doesn't preclude you from being THE BEST!
I'd have typed lil' hearts with the last sentence in that paragraph, but I didn't want to go over the top. I very subtle, you know.
Offered by: Kate on April 11, 2007 1:18 AMI cannot remember the last time that anyone offered ME moist carnal knowledge - free or otherwise...
And people mock how much I adore my Kitten Children...
Offered by: Kate on April 11, 2007 12:59 AMDevil's food indeed!
Offered by: Sally on April 4, 2007 10:56 PMIn my file drawer here at work, there is a bag of Orville (I am not going to modify that phrase with other descriptors because "bag of Orville" sounds deliciously wicked) and I'm going to make it right now and see if I am visited by the Dark One.
Offered by: Jeffrey on April 4, 2007 1:40 PMIs sweaty intercourse with Orville Reddenbacher considered 'moist kernel knowledge'?
Now there's a visual that will haunt me to my grave.
POP. POP. POP. - done.
Offered by: Ds on April 4, 2007 9:55 AMI smell photoshop, and stand by my "one thing of extra large condoms and one thing of extra small condoms" hypothesis
Offered by: Cody Clarke on April 4, 2007 4:07 AMYou sold your soul for soggy popcorn? I'm disappointed. I offered you moist carnal knowledge for free.
Offered by: Ds on April 4, 2007 12:38 AMso what evil devilment was wrought by combining the popcorn and spring water that cost $6.66? what even demon did you conjure from the register? should someone call ghostbusters?
Offered by: lee on April 3, 2007 10:38 PM
