the education

the education

I'm blushing, Ds and Jodi. Will you please now fight over me? EVEN JUST FOR PRETEND??? (Wow. Haven't said that since I was about six.) I could really use that right now.

I had to take my parent's wee old dog to the vet today and have her put to sleep (I'm not, for once, being facetious, though I will forgive anyone who wants to laugh IF they're drugged out or hideously sleep-deprived or just fucking stupid and incredibly insensitive BECAUSE I CRIED A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT).

And then I took my older sister to the doctor (she's only two years older than I am and she has to walk with a cane right now - fused back, nerve pain - SUCH FUN) so they could stick very long needles in her back to infuse medication into her nerves. I watched this procedure from the doorway of the "operation room" because I think x-rays and such are COOL. I was chastised for stepping over the threshold accidentally (just an INCH or so). I'M A DISEASE-RIDDEN VECTOR, evidently. OH - and I kid you not, the visage of the Virgin Mary appeared on one of the screens in her scar tissue at some point - and I'm no religious nutso icon freak. The really amazing part, other than some comment she later made about how now we should all worship her butt (even though her scar tissue is HIGHER than that) is that I kept my mouth shut about the appearance of this amazing vision until she and I were alone. I usually would exclaim such a discovery loudly to anyone who happened to be in the room. I get a lot of blank stares.

And just last week I NAMED my fibroid tumors and then... Never mind. It's been a long...year or so.

Therefore, I am all verklempt at the thought of such love. I guess you'll just have to talk amongst yourselves.

That's quite all right, Ds. I've fallen for Kate, too. (A long time ago, actually.)

Dammit Kate. Now I love you.

(Sorry Jodi.)

It is both semen AND bird shit. This photo is the new Schrodinger's cat.

Now I think I've exceeded the civilized number of comments...

Shit. I meant it the other way around - (and if I now offend anyone's deeply held personal beliefs... Oh well). I was trying to say that the hypothesis that it was semen was like the "theory" of "Intelligent Design" rather than the "Theory" of Evolution. In other words, allowing for imbecilic reasoning...

Hmm, that sounded unnecessarily harsh. Big city dwellers no doubt see more ejaculate flung about willy-nilly whereas I live there where there are no doubt far more birds. So I would have an avian notion as opposed to the idea of a spunk festival (not to be mistaken with a "punk" festival).

Ds, concupiscence o' my heart,

Even allowing for the seminal fluid theory (which I’m equating with the “theory” of evolution rather than “intelligent design” – GOD, I can hardly type that one), HE STILL MISSED.

P.S. Dearest Jodi, if you've not peed in your pants (a little), you've not really lived.

P.P.S. I'm feeling that quote will NOT go down in infamy.

P.P.P.S. And I'm sorry, it's not a plane. You can see the reflection of cars in the window. And I don't think we're talking Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Kate, oh euphemistic lust of my cerebral cortex... one might argue that no man has aim that BAD... I would assume he was not aiming for her cheek, but rather her smugly smily no-longer gaping maw....

And Jodi? One word.

"Depends"

Kate!!!! I think I just peed in my pants a little! (Just a little. Don't get excited, freaks.)

Forgive me, I neglected to point out that I do not believe that streak is "splooge." Nor do I think it is spunk, love-juice, letch-water, baby-juice, butter, crud, cream, jism, oil of man, tallow, slime, marrow, lewd infusion, jizz, spume, prick-juice, pecker tracks, starch, white honey, mettle, spendings, pudding, tail-juice, scum, seed, father-stuff, fetch, soap, tread, spirit, spoo, spooch or spunk. (I have a great "Slang and Euphemism" Dictionary - I could go on and on...)

I think it is shit. Avian feces.

No man has aim that good.

spew flew, whew!

Thank you. THANK YOU for the picture of the woman who looks like any moment she might break out into some sort of orgasmic fit who sits with that "I'm having wonderfully DIRTY thoughts" look on her face whilst BIRD FECES (technically urine, too, as birds don't urinate separately) on the window gives the illusion that it's DRIPPING FROM HER CHIN.

I adore it more than I can say. I needed it more than you'll ever know. Your shit was serendipitous.

P.S. Emmerett and Poptart love it, too. And Kurt Vonnegut is laughing his ass off.

"I am the walrus... They are the walrus... They are the eggs, man... Goo Goo Ka-Spooge" - Paul Mc Cartney. Sort of.

At least she had a smile on her face!

I don't think it's graffiti or was intentionally placed.... it looks more like a random splatter, which makes it even funnier!

Whatever song she's listening to it has to be by the old group Cream. ;)

"A spoonfull of sugar helps the medicine go down"

- Julie Andrew as Mary Poppins, courtesy Walt Disney Studios

I'm going with "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I've Got Love In My Tummy)", by Ohio Express.

Didn't have it in you? Looks more like you have it "on" you! I'm not usually a big fan of graffiti, except the kind that looks like very minimalist cartoons... but I like that one. Not that I want to encourage bodily fluids being sprayed in public places, but really, nice call on that one.

I think we should now come up with (note that I didn't spell it *that* way) guesses of what she is listening to.

I'm going to go with "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard.

"Oh, Jodi, I didn't know you had it in you."

But I'd sure appreciate the chance to put it there.

(That may be a tongue-in-cheek statement. Then again, it may be entirely another foregin object that is firmly pressed against the inside of your cheek. Only your dentist knows for sure....)

Hahahahahaha

So it blows.

I thought they weren't allowing explosive fluids on planes.

Oh how we laughed!!!! Poor girl, doesn't she know that's what tissues were invented for! It would appear that I too have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy. Thank you Jodie for sharing. :-)