Although almost four and a half years have already passed since the previous installment in the so-far-so-short series, I do not want you to think that this is an indication that my products have been on their best behavior since then and thus have not disappointed me enough to not only warrant private attention but to earn public inclusion in the series. This is not the case. Trust me, I am quite well-acquainted with disappointment. I just don't want to dwell on it. Because you know me, I so hate to complain. (insert winky emoticon nudging a companion emoticon disinterested to the point of pretending to listen to a really hilarious podcast on his iPod so engaging that it cannot be bothered to even notice it's been nudged)
So. What is the product that has disappointed me so much that I have decided to break the silence and resurrect the series?
This:
I mean, come on, concombre. I won't be encumbered with your con. Your seedy claim of seedlessness. Sans graines, you say? I'm sorry, but this is a clear-cut, crisp case of avec.
It's not that I'm against seeds/graines. No, not at all. In fact, I think they are rather cute and conjure up fond memories of my darling Bubby slicing a cucumber length-wise and handing me a spear or two, which I would drag my teeth along (despite its plea of "No teeth!") to get a mouthful (shhhhhh) of seed (oh, stop it). But if you're going to say you are sans, make good on your promise.
Unlike the other two products included in the series, however, I will continue to buy this variety of cucumber. But at least now I know what I'm dealing with and can adjust my attitude and expectations accordingly.
fresh-baked at 09:06 AMI've often wondered this about other product you refer to, why would you need to vacuum a bowling ball sized dustball?
Offered by: Sally on August 12, 2007 5:24 PMLift up thine eyes for the Lord cometh.
(Express elevator to hell, please? $42.50??? I'll take the stairs, thanks.)
As Benedict XIII slowly descended the pole and crawled across the plexiglass stage towards my 2 dollar bill laid out in front of me at an angle, he too promised me a cucumber of my own, "without seed."
Lying bastard "blessed" me with his own "holy water."
Yea though His rod and staff may comfort some, the inheritant of The Rock should know better than to aim for the eyes without warning.
It stings.
Offered by: Thomas on August 9, 2007 10:58 AMWhat inquiring minds (by which I mean me) really want to know is, was that an English cucumber, or merely a garden variety type?
Offered by: Jeffrey on August 3, 2007 12:45 PMDon,
Sorry to disappoint, but even I (the obvious conclusion being that it is moi who so often drags perfectly innocent, blue-eyed virginal threads down into the seedy netherreaches of my own abhorrently deviant behavior - though even I pay homage to Thomas, who could make the Pope pole dance if he ever put his mind to it... but that's another story and this run-on aside has run its course in diversionary digression) would never stoop to returning the obvious lob Jodi has so neatly and maliciously dropped into our collectively cucmber-soaked laps.
Therefore, we will not deign to speak of 'spear swallowing.' We will not stoop to debate the benefit of seeds over vegetative impotence. And we certainly won't get into the contested issues of spitting versus swallowing, using your teeth as you scrape the fleshy part from the skin, or even the question of whether or not at a mere 6 inches it is actually a cuke or if the organic organ must be referred to as a gherkin. (sp?)
No, we won't be discussing any of the hot-button issues our hostess expects us to take up.
It just wouldn't be comely.
Offered by: Ds on August 1, 2007 5:59 PMBut of course, Don. But at least I am honest about it. Unlike a certain concombre who shall remain nameless, if not seedless.
Offered by: Jodi on August 1, 2007 9:54 AMSo, Jodi -
Did you make this post with the intent of eliciting a thread of comments of that certain sort the sometimes springs up here?
Did you think that your readers would deign to participate in such a debasing verbal group grope once again?
If you did, I'm certain you'll succeed.
Offered by: don on August 1, 2007 9:49 AM
