She's already paid but remains in front of the cashier, who's already forgotten her and is looking toward me so we can commence my transaction: cat food and a six-pack of diet cream soda. All in all, a 30-second deal: Zim zam zoom, thank you thank you, bye. But instead, this fussy matron's taken root, peering into her plastic bag, sniffing disapproval.
"I need a sturdier bag," she says, removing its sole occupant – a wedge of cellophane-wrapped cheese half the size of her hand. "How am I supposed to carry heavy cheese home like this?"
"In your ass," I mumble.
It has taken me a long time to be able to formulate a response to this entry as it conspicuously featured cheese (and I am, after all, a noted turophile).
Cheese, unlike one's brothers (particularly my Baby Brother, bless his heart), is NEVER too heavy. I'd spin a ten-pound wheel of Gloucester down the street (LIKE a wheel, though that's a redundant) given the chance.
Incidentally, that's a sport in Gloucester. Cheese rolling. I'm not kidding.
Good god, Lady! You had the good sense to CHOOSE cheese. Yet you are so daft that you want them to hermetically seal the product in one of those silver spy briefcases?
Offered by: Kate on November 9, 2007 2:47 PMI remember when I used to hate people that fiddled for change, tried to pass off an expired coupon, or had to have the cashier subtract items because he/she couldn't add in their heads, and didn't have enough money. (Always the healthy stuff was the first to go)
I'm past that now... for now.
Mike
Offered by: MikeE on November 7, 2007 8:07 PMSnap!
Offered by: terry on November 7, 2007 9:23 AMNote to self:
NEVER go melon shopping with Vendela.
Offered by: Ds on November 1, 2007 8:40 AM(My groceries, that is! What did you *think* I meant?!)
Offered by: Vendela on October 31, 2007 9:53 PMHeh! When asked, "Paper or plastic?" (since plastic grocery bags aren't the "green" thing to do), in the future, I'm going to request taking it in the ass from now on!
Offered by: Vendela on October 31, 2007 9:53 PMROFL! "Slow ass Jesus fish drivers" So true!
Offered by: jamied on October 31, 2007 3:46 PMO..M...G!! I HAITE when ppl hold up the line!! GET YOUR SHIT AND MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!! If you must inspect your bags, do it elsewhere!! I always try to get right out of the way in any line!!
Don't even get me started on the slow-ass Jesus Fish drivers!!
Offered by: sweetmamagirlwannabethinner on October 31, 2007 1:05 PMPlease tell me that shriveled prune of a woman did not get a sturdier bag, or else my belief in the inherent justice of the world will be irrevocably shaken.
Oh, wait....
Offered by: Jeffrey on October 31, 2007 11:10 AMThat's how I carry all my groceries home
Offered by: Cody Clarke on October 31, 2007 1:46 AMYes, yes, I know.
Fromunda cheese is a horrible affliction and I shouldn't be making fun of those who are hygenically challenged.
Still, one could probably poke more holes in her story than the cheese on a roast beef and swiss on pumpernickel.
Offered by: Ds on October 30, 2007 2:06 PMI know that woman! I rode next to her on a train from JFK into the city! And she reeked of sex and gouda!
Offered by: Ds on October 30, 2007 2:04 PM
