Somehow, somewhere along the line, someone got it in his or her head that I am a charitable sort, a giver not a taker (in addition to a lover not a fighter), and that I don't just give a hoot but also money. This is evidenced by the abundance of bulky envelopes I receive in the mail, containing all sorts of pleas for my contribution to a variety of organizations that think I care about foodless children and beakless chickens. Included with the letters (addressed to me! personally!) telling me I can help out by opening my heart and my wallet are GIFTS as a special advance thank-you/guilt device in the form of return address labels/stickers (hereinafter referred to just as "stickers" even though I am tempted to hereinafter refer to them as "ohmygodyaysomuchfun").
Now, see, I must confess that I rarely send in a contribution. (If I do, I am sure you know I care more about rebeaking chickens than I do about feeding children. It's just that I would rather converse with a chicken than feed it to a child, and I can't do that effectively if the chicken has trouble enunciating properly.) But I always like the stickers. However, I am always faced with this quandary: Can I use the them if I do not send a contribution? My dislike of the simple task of writing my return address stuff on bills (yes, I still pay some of them by mail) (and this shocks you, knowing what an old-fashioned girl I am?) is in direct proportion to the pleasure I derive from peeling stickers off a plasticky sheet of paper, so I am left clutching, in one hand, the plea-letter already torn in half (thus signalling my rejection of the plea) and ready for recycling, and, in the other, a sheet of stickers that will get me through a year of bills and thus save me precious minutes by this time next year, wondering if it's right to keep the gift when I don't necessarily "deserve" it.
What do you do? (Other than, of course, not only contribute money but build houses with Habitat for Humanity and host dinner parties for hungry child hobos.)
P.S. The latest batch came addressed to "Jodii [last name]". Apparently I am so fabulous that I am now plural.
OtAxsL nice site thx http://peace.com
Offered by: bob on March 2, 2008 2:10 PMFPsS4O hi nice site thx http://peace.com
Offered by: bob on January 20, 2008 7:33 PM>turns red
Offered by: Ds on November 21, 2007 2:52 PM"I shall completely refrain from making comment of any kind."
(...so much so that I won't even use my own words so I stay completely out of trouble. I am completely innocent and blameless. I'm like a pure white angel with halos and stuff.)
Offered by: jamied on November 21, 2007 1:33 PMJamied,
I'm only human, and can be quite selfish. If I've planted my face between your thighs and practicing my "ABC's" with the tip of my tongue on the most holy of places on a woman, I would be loathe to let even Jodi share in the succulent treasure perched at that altar of sensuality.
Unless Jodi would be me bang her in the can, 'cause that's hawt.
Offered by: Thomas on November 20, 2007 1:57 PMJodi,
May anyone unload at any time?
Offered by: Korean Korrespondent on November 20, 2007 4:37 AMDs, please don't refrain. Please feel free to unload whatever you like, as often as you please.
Offered by: Jodi on November 19, 2007 2:20 PMI know who you are, Thomas. I've "seen" you around. I'm just noting your generosity. You're not a selfish one. ;)
O.K. I'll stop now before I get in trouble.
As I am evidently late to the party, I shall completely refrain from making comment of any kind on any of the numerous things I could (and probably should) be commenting about here.
Consider that my charitable contribution for the year.
(I wonder if I can write that off?....)
Offered by: Ds on November 19, 2007 11:33 AMHello jamied, I'm the Thomas that has been the direct cause of Jodi's monitor's sheen of iced coffee for about 4 years now.
I'm alternatively a cad with a lothario's appeal and a lothario with a cad's appeal. I may occasionally be known to say something insightful and intelligent... usually under the influence of pharmaceuticals.
I've seen you here multiple times. Nice to "meet" you.
Offered by: Thomas on November 19, 2007 10:58 AMThe series comma is, of course, omitted in Associated Press style. When I'm not writing or editing for a newspaper, I have to force myself to remember that.
I think the number of I's they use should be proportionate to the size of the donation they want: "Jodiiiii, won't you send us some moneyyyyyy?" It makes them sound whiny, as it should.
And why can't we feed the children to the re-beaked chickens? I mean, we apparently have no qualms about feeding chickens to chickens. Jonathan Swift would so approve.
Offered by: Jeffrey on November 17, 2007 6:48 PMI so use those stickers. I consider it a form of recycling. And I haven't donated one cent to starving children, the tree huggers or that Catholic charity that keeps me in address labels...
Offered by: Angie on November 17, 2007 5:52 AMWell hello there, Thomas.
Have we met? I'm jamied.
;)
Offered by: jamied on November 16, 2007 2:37 PMhttp://jeffreyseglin.blogspot.com/2007/07/sound-off-give-or-give-back.html
http://jeffreyseglin.blogspot.com/2007/08/sound-off-giving-back-charity-freebies.html
To help you in your quandary.
Offered by: Jeffery Seglin Fan on November 16, 2007 2:16 PMIt is bad karma, bad feng shui, bad "The Secret", bad Suze Orman, if you do not give charitable donations on a regular basis. I would say you should absolutely use the labels, but send five bucks to the charity of your choice if the label-makers aren't doing it for you. (Or instead of donating money you could read to blind children- did you EVER consider doing that, Jodi?)
Offered by: Mrs. Z on November 16, 2007 1:40 PMI contribute to women who have penis envy. These poor women, longing to have the same "tackle and bait" as their male counterparts, are in desperate need. I try to volunteer as many afternoons as I can by letting them borrow mine. I also give them, again at no charge, an orgasm to strong that they will, for a while, be sated as they are, sans-schlong.
I'm like a religious guru, a regular Ravi Shanker.
Offered by: Thomas on November 16, 2007 1:35 PMThrowing away the stickers would be wasteful. Use them.
I'm a big fan of the serial comma, but I call it an Oxford comma.
Offered by: Pete on November 16, 2007 8:37 AMMikeE, it's called "series comma". Just so you know, so you can sound all smart-like when you're teaching those li'l Koreans.
Offered by: Jodi on November 16, 2007 5:02 AMI think you're okay using the labels as long as they don't feature a little ad for the charity on them. But even if they do, a sticker is still a terrible thing to waste. By not simply tossing them or recycling them, you can rationalize that you're indirectly supporting Greenpeace.
I used to give a bit of money to Greenpeace every month but I can't afford it anymore, both morally and financially.
Offered by: Brad on November 15, 2007 11:05 PMI notice that you use clauses and prepositional phrases in such abundance per sentence, as to make Goethe, Nietzsche, and Kant envious. Your writing style is very Germanic. I apologize, but I am working on those items with 3 of my 7 classes of Korean kids, and can't help but notice.
BY the way, when was it that we had to begin using a comma before 'and' when listing items in a sentence? I know we had to do it when I was little, then it stopped when I was a teen. Somewhere in my 20s it came back again.
Oh wait! What do I do that's charitable? I change world perspectives on America, one child at a time.
His Yakness
Offered by: MikeE on November 15, 2007 8:41 PM
