Dear Older, Respectable-Looking Lady on Sixth Avenue:
Thank you for being on the sidewalk at the same time as I as we passed the obnoxiously long line-up of lunching construction workers, backs against the building, asses parked on the ground, so their eyes could hungrily feast on passing asses. Thank you, further, for being on the side closer to them, and for strolling at the same pace as I, thus serving as an unwitting barrier and shield from the leers I am cocky enough to think I not only warrant but surely would have received in your absence.
Gratefully,
Dearest Kate-the-Cougar:
If you'd check the facts, you'd notice I referred to our beloved Jodi as the black-clad vixen BEHIND the older woman. And from what I read in the "Male Chauvenism for DUMMIES" handbook, there is no upper range on cougars or cougarism. One must simply be:
"An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Often on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey""
Offered by: Ds on January 18, 2008 10:16 AMIf Mrs. Z were walking with you, she would have made damn sure those men hooted and hollered at you! I would have pushed that Older, Respectable lady out of the way so those boys got the good look at you they deserve! If you weren't so damned skinny, practically see-through, this wouldn't have happened...
Offered by: Mrs. Z on January 17, 2008 2:53 PMJust a question first for Mr. Ds (MISTERcreant, Sir - YES SIR!): Just who are you suggesting is the cougar in this scenario???? I'm certain you are NOT indicting that our loveable heroine and blog-owner Jodi is the cougar. That's good.
However, I do believe she said, "Older, Respectable-Looking Lady on Sixth Avenue." This lady is NOT a cougar. She is TOO OLD.
I know this because I found out, much to my dismay, from two very reputable journals (okay - two old fashion magazines in a doctor's office, but STILL) that though I have not QUITE reached the auspicious age of forty that I am considered a cougar. At least in theory. I can assure you that I DO NOT tart it up and go to the local bars and clubs in too-tight, cheap mini dresses, cleavage AHOY, with Lee press-on nails, stage makeup (complete with glittery faux eyelashes) - teetering on five-inch stilletos and trolling for jail-bait. Nonetheless, I don't know if that is a "cougar" requirement.
I guess I'm saying that you got my kitty hackles up and you'd best watch how you bandy about that title.
Or else?
Offered by: Kate on January 17, 2008 11:27 AMNow see, I would know that if one is to feast on an ass, using your eyes leaves you hungrier than before. Feasting should be done with the mouth. Only then, after the feast has reached it's climax, will you be allowed to feel cocky.
Offered by: Thomas on January 17, 2008 8:53 AMDearest black-clad vixen walking surreptitiously behind the cougar in the high-dollar coat:
We see you. Oh yes, we do see you. And might we say for the record:
"Hubba hubba. Yowza. How you doin'? What's up, baby? You wanna git with this? Day-um!"
Offered by: Ds on January 17, 2008 7:43 AM
