"I never thought something like this would happen to me," the burn victim says to the talk show audience from beneath the Ace-bandage-like mask she must wear 23 hours every day, along with a full-body bandage that keeps her impossibly upright in her chair. Her sentiment is echoed by the pre-teen whose legs were amputated by a train and the boy whose head got in the way of gunfire, rendering half of his brain useless.

I don’t want to hear this. I want them to say, "I always knew something like this would happen to me." That way I’m safe.