The only women I am interested in having as friends are those who not only never use words like "empowered", "sisterhood", or "soulmate" but sneer at them. Who would never be caught dead sitting around in a big circle, stitching quirky quilts or knitting kooky hats, sipping twig tea or chai, while wearing clunky maryjanes and whimsical socks that look like something out of Baby Gap. My friends, while not bimbos, don't see the sense in sensible shoes. They have"tits" not "breasts" and spit out "cunt" like tobacco. They buy their bedding and hats in stores. And prefer coffee.
fresh-baked at 10:58 PMOh, GOD, (what does that sound like when typed?) - thanks for the welcome back, Ds, (I'm all verkelmpt now - talk amongst yourself - I'd give you a subject, but - wait...CUNT), I am SOOOOO tempted to go to the "but I swallow" if we were to talk about what I might do to a sailor in the right circumstance. But shall not speak of such things. Nope.
Besides, I am a nun. A fucking, frustrated nun.
More importantly, thank you Dear Jodi for not abandoning me because of my obvious and self-affirmed dweebishosity. Would you like a hat?
It'd be KOOKY.
Offered by: Kate on February 6, 2008 12:23 AMFirst, I know of no sailor who would spit out cunt. They, like my favoritist of females, swallow what they eat.
Second, no shoes are sensible. we should all go sans footwear and let the grass eek up betwixt our colle tively gnarled little piggies, even as we go to the market for roast beef.
Third, women who feel a sense of empoerment are hawt. Way sexier than those who follow one step behind and one step to the left in sensible shackles.
Fourth, welcome back, Kate. Missed you and you're ability to spit like a sailor. ;-)
Jeffrey, LOL! For real! It's a good thing I didn't have Diet Coke (Cock?) in my mouth, because it would've come (!) out my nose.
I trust you have fabulous taste in footwear, so I will forgive you the chai and the knitting.
Offered by: Jodi on February 5, 2008 1:38 PMThank God I'm not a woman. I have to admit, I love my chai.
And I'm knitting a scarf.
But I do spit out "cunt" like coffee that's been left on the burner too long.
Offered by: Jeffrey on February 5, 2008 1:20 PMActually, the three of you are exempt from all of this.
ALSO, by "sensible shoes" I mean the kind that don't have the good sense to be CUTE while being comfortable. Sensible shoes are worn by librarians who DON'T eventually, at some point, let down their hair (literally and figuratively). I have low-heel and flat sandals and boots I call my "dyke boots". But I don't consider any of these "sensible".
Love to my sisterhood.
Offered by: Jodi on February 5, 2008 12:00 PMWe are so totally NOT sisters. You know I can't wear heals. Bitch.
XO
Your Sister
I wear comfortable shoes. But I don't like all that Kumbaya crap. And I got kicked out of NOW because...apparently... I was using it as a dating service.
Heh Heh Heh.
**sigh**
I have to confess: I always knew I was a huge dweeb-geek-dork-nerd-nimrod, but now I find myself guilty of at least three sins against the Coolness of Jodi.
- I - gulp - crochet (I can't knit - I can only handle one blunt implement at a time rather than two sharp ones). I have even been guilty of crocheting "kooky hats," though that was mainly for charity - along with "kooky" scarves.
- I have breasts - even "boobs." I must admit, though, I love playing the word "tit" or "tits" in Scrabulous and I used to know all the words to "Otto Tit-Sling." Maybe the prevalence of "boobs" is a Western United States things.
- I love my coffee, but I love tea, too. Chai with soy is especially nice. Or Oolong with Chinese food.
And that last is where I am the worst offender. I have chunky, sensible shoes. Lots of them. I have "science" shoes and European "walking" shoes and "Earth" shoes and I still own two pairs of Doc Martens (black Mary Janes and black boots). I do not, however, wear them with character socks (I own ONE pair of green socks with fuzzy monkeys on them which I only wear when I want to appall people or charm small children). I have tried to put some "pretty" and "cute" shoes into the mix (pointed toes, kitten heels, etc.), but I only own one pair of REAL heels - three inches, I believe? (platforms and artisan wedges are a different matter - they distribute the weight more comfortably).
Your friends, while not bimbos, I presume don't see the sense in sensible shoes because they are probably all petites fleurs like you. I am, even though I weigh quite a bit less than a few years ago, a substantial Amazon woman (and always will be no matter what my weight) with wide feet and, I kid you not, arthritis. Sensible shoes make SENSE for me.
You know, however, that I can, in a circumstance wherein I shan't offend the sensibilities of a perfectly nice person to whom it would be appalling, spit the word "cunt" out like the best of the proverbial sailors. And you KNOW I probably know more synonyms for the vagina than anyone with whom you are acquainted. Does this redeem me at all?
I am not empowered by my sisterhood either.
Forgive me, oh Jodi, and do not abandon all acknowledgment of me.
Offered by: Kate on February 5, 2008 5:57 AM
