Since I know most people don't like loose ends (unless they're chubby chasers), I have decided to take a moment from biting my lower lip until it bleeds (for no reason) and playing Scrabulous (probably the reason for the lip-biting, on second thought) (competition is fierce, my friends) to settle a few pressing concerns raised in earlier entries this month.

1. In Fiction or Non-Fiction?, where I asked if a certain scenario in Whole Foods really happened, the answer is Nope. Come on!. Of 57* votes, 79% (45) were "yes" and 21% (12) were "no".

2. In Name My Shame, the answer is watch American Idol. But because no one answered correctly, I will not reveal my "favorites". (Thank you very much to those who participated — five people whom I hold in the highest and most hallowed of estimation — while those of you who did not play along may as well have kicked a puppy while holding a block of tofu hostage, or the other way around.)

3. In Exclusive! Not available on iTunes!, yes, the chord organ crowd-pleaser was indeed lovingly performed by me and painstakingly mixed to perfection by me here in my in-house studio by me.

So now you know.

Good day, good night, and thank you for the celery.

* 57 always seems like a number used to indicate a rather crazed count, e.g. "Oh, I have 57 different things on my plate today!" or Heinz 57 sauce, but I assure you this is the actual number of votes at the time of this writing. (P.S. The poll is officially closed, but I do not know how to tell it to stop accepting votes. It's like a promiscuous teenaged daughter that way.)