OK, before I start, I just want you to know that by "twins" I do not mean jugs/boobs/rack/tits, or whatever other hilarious nomenclature you ordinarily use. By "twins" I mean identical twins. Actual people. The kind who annoyed the fuck out of me in the Doublemint® ads. Those twins.
But already I'm getting ahead of myself.
I am not a twin. But there used to be a time when I wanted desperately to be one. I tried for years to become a twin, but eventually something told me it just wasn't going to happen. There was no long-lost twin who my mother gave up for adoption because she decided she could only stand so much cuteness at a time, and who would one day show up on my doorstep with a battered suitcase and a history to match. Nope.
My sister and I, although 18 months apart, used to pretend we were twins. When our ages were still in the double digits (I know you're shocked to learn that I'm not seven years old), we insisted on wearing matching outfits. Our favorites were our "newspaper" skirts -- short, snappy little numbers that looked like the pages of a newspaper, complete with actual stories, and our mod "wet-look" fringed red miniskirt and matching bolero vest sets that would've been the envy of all the Brady girls. We had many others, including these horrendous suits that had knickers instead of regular pants, in which we had our second- and fourth-grade school pictures taken, much to my modern-day horror.
I don't know why we liked dressing alike so much. It may have been because we were each other's best friend, or maybe we were narcissistic little bitches and this was the closest thing we could get to carrying around a full-size mirror all day. It's not really important, and I don't care to dig into the psychological ramifications of what it all means. It was just cute.
We haven't dressed alike in years. She says I dress more like a "lady" than she does (which is fucking hilarious given that I sometimes wonder why I wasn't born with a dick) and that she looks like a "small man". She insists I am "like a model" (yeah, I'm laughing too) and she is "peasant stock". I could no more see myself wearing her stuff (colorful, somewhat "bohemian", schmattes in her hair, tons of bracelets) than she could see herself wearing mine (think Banana Republic meets Calvin Klein meets Anthropologie, or Monica from Friends [fuck off, I like that show]).
Now, as an "adult" (yes, the quotes are necessary), I just cannot stand when I see adult twins who are dressed exactly alike. (I'm not going to go into identical twinfants™ or toddlers here. Let's leave the kids out of this, OK? It's bad enough they have to hear us arguing every night after we put them to sleep. I will not subject them to this!) Once you've reached a certain age (I'd say, oh, about 10), it's just not cute or charming when you and your sister wear matching overalls and have the same bangs. And no, it's also not cute when you and your sister take it even further.
Get your own identity already. The cord was cut years ago. Just because your parents named you "Mandy and Sandy" or "Mandy and Mindy" doesn't mean you can't get over it, go beyond it, and celebrate yourselves as an individuals.
(Oh, and by the way, speaking of twins ... did you check out the twins' twins in the pop-up photo I supplied?)
Update, 14 November, 11:06 a.m.: I can't believe I ever said I liked Friends. Next thing you know, I'll be saying I think the character of "Ross" is a brilliant inspiration and that Phoebe's "Smelly Cat" song is just too too funny, LOL.
Yeah, methinks those two not only dress alike, but they also had plastic surgery together.
If similar tastes in clothing makes for people who get along, I should be meeting your sister for an iced coffee.
Kim (also from peasant stock)
Offered by: Kim on June 19, 2002 03:40 PMI almost clicked on that link. Qukck thinking on my part led me to merely hover over it first, thankfully. I recognized the name of the subject of said link from posters at a place called "Rock City" that I frequented when I was of the age where boys ride their bicycles to shops pretending to want to buy "gag" merchandise and/or "Rock T-Shirts," but really just want to spend an hour and a half looking at posters of 95% naked women. (24)
Anyway, judging that the link would be an inappropriate one for me to follow here at work, I decided against clicking on it.
When I get home...that's another story.
Oh, and I agree with you about older twins. I saw a bunch of them on Maury one day, and they looked mighty silly dressed the same. Thankfully, it was 'twins makeover" day, and MoPo fixed it so that they didn't look exactly the same anymore. God Bless MoPo.
(he just sneezed.)
Offered by: aaron on June 19, 2002 04:11 PMAaron, I'm impressed that you not only watch "Maury" but that you are unashamed to admit it. Bless YOU (and you didn't even have to sneeze for it).
Offered by: Jodi on June 19, 2002 04:17 PMAdult twins dressing alike ... I just find it somewhere between pathetic and creepy. Even as little babies - why do people feel the need to dress their two, unique children exactly the same? Beats me.
Offered by: Kelly on June 19, 2002 05:47 PMI got about a million popups when I clicked your link, thank you not so very much!
I always wanted to be a twin myself. When I was 20, I had a dermoid cyst removed from my ovaries (yes it was large enough to cover both). It's still not exactly known what causes these kinds of cysts, but one theory was that I was a twin and the twin at an early stage of development was absorbed into my body. Isn't that creepy? It sounds like me, though, doesn't it? Sucking my poor little twin inside me, assuring she would never make it beyond "fetus"? Yeah... it really does.
Offered by: Tess on June 19, 2002 07:34 PMSorry about the pop-ups, Tess. As if those Barbi Twins don't provide enough pop-up power on their own, the link had to go and add a little extra excitement to the mix.
Now, about that fetus thing: You are a freak. But I mean that in a good way. And I like the way you think. Stick around.
Offered by: Jodi on June 19, 2002 07:56 PMI think I remember seeing a "True Hollywood Story" about them... they've been in Playboy, etc., but nowadays they focus on eating disorder awareness or something like that... apparently they were both bulimic... but my memory could be fuzzy.
Please don't judge me on knowing this... it was my life before blogging... LOL
Offered by: Zuly on June 19, 2002 08:22 PMI followed a link from your comment on Melly's site. This has been interesting reading. I'll be back!
Offered by: JEfromCanada on June 19, 2002 08:38 PMI've got a twist on your twin story. My younger sister WAS twins, one was stillborn. Somehow, she didn't know that, even though I did, and I mentioned it one day in passing when we were in high school. She had a meltdown... said that explained the empty feeling she had inside of her her whole life, like something was missing.
Not to be cras or to minimize someone's pain, I thought that "hole" is what the fundamentalists teach that GOD is supposed to fill?
My point is this: I don't get the whole twins thing, either. I don't believe for one minute that Danny DeVito and Arnold S. were twins, either. But hey, who am I? I wasn't born a twin. Maybe there is something mystical to this. (Or maybe they just share a few brain cells instead of having two full brains... LOL)
Offered by: Desert Mermaid on June 20, 2002 12:29 AMA really neat thing about this site is that, if you have software that blocks popups and say "no" to the 47 cookies that they try to get you to accept, you don't get anything but repeats of a pattern in each link.
I decided that if that is the way they want to treat me, maybe I don;t want to view the site, so I didn't. Anybody who didn't mind all the mess want to share with me what they saw?
when i was 18 i also had a dermoid that apparently was my twin. it started to grow while i was pregnant with my first son. it only covered one ovary and one fallopian tube. creepy!!!
Offered by: amber on August 18, 2002 01:44 PM
